Local Radio Host Walks His Talk

1StrawberriesCoverWooden-&-Me-cover-mock-upFor a Personalized Autographed copy of STRAWBERRIES IN WINTERTIME” or “WOODEN & ME” mail a check for $25 to:

Woody Woodburn

400 Roosevelt Court

Ventura, CA 93003

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Local Radio Host Walks, Walks, Walks

His Talk for Relay For Life

In the movie “Caddy Shack,” Carl Spackler, the groundskeeper played by Bill Murray, is caddying for Bishop Fred Pickering when the wind and rain turns torrential.

“What do you think, fella?” the Bishop asks.

“I’d keep playing,” replies Spackler. “I don’t think the heavy stuff’s gonna come down for quite awhile.”

This, in a nutshell, describes Tom Spence’s experience at the American Cancer Society’s Relay For Life of Ventura at Buena High School last weekend.

Tom Spence is a superhero for local charities.

Tom Spence is a superhero for local charities.

As the winds forced most participants to seek shelter, and eventually pack up and leave early, Spence’s reaction was: I don’t think the heavy stuff’s here yet so I’ll just keep on walking.

Spence, a Ventura County radio personality for more than three decades and currently host of The KVTA Morning Show, has participated in numerous Relays For Life. This year he stepped up his game.

“I decided I’d walk the entire time,” says Spence, who made his goal public: Walk 53 miles – two marathons – during the 24 hours from the Relay’s opening ceremony at 10 a.m. Saturday to its closing celebration Sunday morning.

After arriving more than an hour late straight from work, Spence walked a solid 12 miles in the first four hours before taking a 30-minute break.

The next four hours, however, saw his pace slow down as the winds picked up.

“I thought I was sunk at Mile 22,” Spence confides. “The cold wind was breaking me down. It was awful. I felt like I had the flu. I knew I had no chance for 53 miles.”

His hopes gone with the wind, Spence sought refuge in a friend’s RV.

“I was a new person after the half-hour break,” Spence recalls. “I was rejuvenated.”

It was more than the rest that did him good – it was good company rallying to his side. Friends, neighbors and even about 40 of his loyal listeners braved the elements to keep him company.

“I was stunned by the response, by such kindness,” Spence says. “They really lifted my spirits.”

Misery loves company. As the winds grew even stronger, so did Spence.

“Suddenly, I had a spring in my step,” he says.

A middle-of-the-night cup of Cuban coffee from a friend gave Spence’s stride another needed jolt.

As dawn arrived, so did the rain. What started out as a village of 60 tents for the various Relay teams was now a ghost town. Drenched but undaunted, Spence did the math and smiled into the teeth of the storm: “I realized I might do it after all.”

Do it he did, finishing GPS-certified Mile 53 with 15 minutes to spare.

By walking his talk, Spence raised more than $2,000 for the American Cancer Society; honored his wife, Colleen, who is a cancer survivor; and also beat down his body into agony.

“Monday morning at work,” Spence, 58, says, “I parked my car and – this is the truth – I crawled into the station on my hands and knees. I was bloody sore. I’ve done a lot of stuff – mud runs, two marathons – and nothing compares to this. I was in pain from toes to hips.”

Mark Twain said, “Golf is a good walk spoiled.” One might expect Spence felt this year’s Relay For Life was a long walk spoiled, but you would be wrong.

“I think this was my most memorable Relay For Life because it had to be endured,” Spence says.

It was also memorable for a different reason, a better reason, about 100 reasons.

“The real highlight was the people,” Spence says, warmly. “I can’t name everybody’s name who helped me and walked with me. People who you count on are wonderful – but also people you didn’t imagine, which is really awesome.”

The outpouring was well deserved because Tom Spence is a community treasure who has never met a charity event he would not assist.

“My motivation for helping is to make up for what I didn’t do up to when I was 21,” he explains. “I was a little slow before I started getting involved.”

Now he is unstoppable.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Wooden&Me_cover_PRCheck out my memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and my essay collection “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” …

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Readers Share Small Gratitudes

1StrawberriesCover

Wooden-&-Me-cover-mock-upFor a Personalized Autographed copy of STRAWBERRIES IN WINTERTIME” or “WOODEN & ME” mail a check for $25 to:

Woody Woodburn

400 Roosevelt Court

Ventura, CA 93003

* * *

Readers Share Their Own Small Gratitudes

A few weeks ago, I shared a list of small gratitudes – such as books, butterflies and beaches – I came up with while waiting in long line at the Post Office. Readers responded in a big way with their own musings . . .

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From Mitch Gold: “Greeting someone in the a.m. and getting a smile.”

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From Linda Valdez: “Walking in my neighborhood with the view of Wildwood Park; Hot showers after a day spent getting really dirty doing chores; Always having a book to read; Always having yarn to crochet; Having a loving dog and grand-dog; The joy of reading the newspaper on Saturday morning.”1thanks

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From Carol Ann Roth: “May I just add tacos to your list.” (Yes, Carol, you certainly may.)

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From Father Patrick Mullen: “May I suggest you add rocky road ice cream, and everything it stands for?” (My favorite, too – consider it added.)

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From Doris Cowart: “In my age group, one item you missed – waking up in the morning!”

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From Linda Johnson: “When people begin to complain when I am in a line, I complain back.

“I tell them I work Monday through Friday, about nine hours a day, without a lunch break or any break. I have to pay for my own medical insurance, and have no 401K. About four times a year I have to work 72 -hour weekends.

“My job forces me to spend long hours at our various county parks, libraries, and museums.

“In the summer, I often have to spend several day on the beach hunting for shells and rocks.

“In fall, I am forced on leaf-hunting expeditions. I need to be an expert in wildlife behavior and identification, bug catching, and lizard snatching.

“I am a home-schooling ‘Nana’ to my 4- and 6-year-old grandsons. I quit a well paying job with wonderful benefits to be home fulltime when my first grandson was 3 months old. They feed my soul and fill my heart.

“Money? Nice, but nothing makes me as happy, and tired, as spending the day with my grandkids.

“I usually get a smile from my formerly grumpy in-line-companion.”

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From Dick Birney: “Ventura YMCA, Lakers win or L.”

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From Lauren Siegel Estilow: “There are no bad days, there are only bad moments in a day. I try to be thankful for the small things – they’re everywhere, if you look.”

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From Karen Biedebach-Berry: “Glassy surf at Pierpont Beach, VHS class reunions – Class of ’82 still alive and strong – Monday Night Football anthem.

“My husband, Andy, added these two: first ice-cold beer after giving it up for Lent, Yosemite National Park any day of the year!”

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From Christy Cantrell, with a gorgeous photo accompanying her gratitude: “Hawk sighting in Camarillo.”

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From Sheila Smith: “Since (your column) started at the Post Office, the Jaime Escalante stamps and how far that stamp can take your message!”

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From a reader asking to be identified as “Dave from Newbury Park”, a not-so-small gratitude: “I’ve been battling cancer the past 1.5 years. It’s hard for me to not get depressed about my cancer, but we really do have many things to be grateful for.

“I’m 57 and there’s a 50-percent chance my cancer will return in the next year or two. For now, I’m trying to enjoy the small pleasures you wrote about.

“I’m even looking forward to my next long line at the post office – that would sure be better than not being here anymore!”

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From Ginger White: “Gratitude – to be in a country where we can audibly express displeasure, even if it is not a popular opinion, without too much risk of retribution; puppy or kitten breath; being able to wake in the night and hear the mockingbird’s mating songs, and not warfare; sunrise; friends who stand by me; being vulnerable and open, then falling in love at the young age of 63.”

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From Ethan Lubin, which anyone with a young daughter will want to modify: “Reading with my son.”

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From yours truly: My wonderful readers.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Wooden&Me_cover_PRCheck out my memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”

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Hitting the Books and Backboards

1StrawberriesCoverWoody’s highly anticipated new book “STRAWBERRIES IN WINTERTIME: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” is NOW available! Order your signed copy HERE!

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Hitting the Books and Backboards

            Aristocles would love the Moorpark High boys’ varsity basketball team.

Better known as Plato – the nickname given him by his wrestling coach, from the Greek word for broad, platon, because of his wide shoulders – Aristocles famously preached “a healthy mind in a healthy body.”

The Musketeer varsity hoopsters’ healthy combined 3.611 grade point average for 2016-17 made them the CIF-Southern Section Academic Champions for all boys’ basketball teams from schools with enrollments above 1,500 students.1reportcard

Being No. 1 in the classroom, and being honored at the Angels’ baseball game at Anaheim Stadium on Wednesday, took some of the sting out of a 3-23 record on the court.

The attitude to hit the books as hard as the backboards begins with head coach Blake Jenkins.

“I definitely preach academics and being a model citizen,” Jenkins shares. “I try to hammer home that basketball and athletics need to take a backseat to academics as well as how we conduct ourselves off the court, in the classroom and out in society.”

Jenkins’ sermons resonate with his entire congregation as evidenced by all 45 players in the boys basketball program combining for a GPA north of 3.0.

Below are some of their thoughts on being STUDENT-athletes.

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“I believe academics and sports have a great relationship,” says sophomore Harrison Hanlon, a frosh/soph shooting guard with a 3.8 GPA. “Academics teach me to make a goal and be smart on the court, and the court teaches me to be a hard worker in the classroom.

“The CIF Academic reward is a better reward for our personal futures and future of the program than just a mere league win.”

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“I believe that being a good student and performing in academics go hand-in-hand,” agrees freshman Arvin Hosseini, a frosh/soph guard with a 3.7 GPA.

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“In my opinion, if you want to play a sport you need to have great study habits and time management,” says Jacob Korotzer, a sophomore JV center with 3.6 GPA.

“The next thing you need is to is be devoted to the sport – or to anything you do in life.”

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“In my family, academics come before basketball,” says freshman Jonathan Saiki, a frosh/soph point guard sporting a 4.0 GPA. “If I don’t keep my grades up then I am not allowed to play basketball.

“Sports teach me about hard work and effort which translates to the classroom in the form of studying hard and giving effort in class.

“To be a committed student-athlete, I have to sacrifice hanging out with my friends and free time. I sometimes have to stay up late doing school work, but it is worth it in the end.”

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“Academics teach you responsibility and school comes before sports,” says freshman Noah Martinez, a frosh/soph center with a 3.8 GPA.

“The sacrifices I have to make to be a student-athlete are sacrificing my time and energy, but I don’t regret it for one second.”

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“I think tests are like games in sports because they are actually both tests for how hard one practices or studies,” says junior Branden Johnson, a JV forward with 3.8 GPA.

“Passing a test is like winning a game and failing a test is like losing.

“One sacrifice I had to make to be a committed student-athlete was to give up watching TV completely and it helped a lot. To me, academics come first, then sports.”

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“All my life, I was told that education is the most important thing you can acquire,” says junior Matt Aung, a varsity forward with a 3.7 GPA.

“The way you treat people and how you give back to the community is also very important. The feeling of self-satisfaction in knowing that you contributed to someone’s happiness and well-being is hands-down the best feeling out there.

“And I firmly believe I, along with the other eleven guys on our team this past year, are smart and young individuals – but more importantly, great people.”

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Plato’s response, I imagine, might be: Gratulatione. Vehementi factum. Congratulations. Smartly done.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Wooden&Me_cover_PRCheck out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”

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TEDx Talker to Write Home About

1StrawberriesCoverWoody’s highly anticipated new book “STRAWBERRIES IN WINTERTIME: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” is NOW available! Order your signed copy HERE!

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A TEDx Talker to Write Home About

“If I had more time,” Ben Franklin wrote to a friend, “I would have written a shorter letter.”

Julie Merrick takes time to hand write short letters. And long letters. Most of all, she writes letters frequently.

It’s a surprise her right hand isn’t in a permanent claw from writer’s cramp.

1cardjulieTo give you an idea, April is “National Card and Letter Writing Month” and last year Julie took on its stated challenge to write one letter daily for all 30 days. She nearly doubled the goal with 56 letters.

She is about half as prolific almost every month.

“Some ladies buy Coach purses – I buy stationary,” Julie laughs, and then rattles off a string of her favorite stationary stores near and far. Among her favorite recent purchases are cards featuring a drawing of a smartphone with the text: “Not Sent From My Phone.”

Julie believes the pen is mightier than the keyboard.

“A letter means so much more than an email because the receiver knows you went to the trouble of buying a card or stationary, writing the letter by hand, addressing it, putting a stamp on it and mailing it,” Julie explains.

“A handwritten letter conveys that spark of you, your personality, that doesn’t come across when you text or type an email.”

Handwritten letters are time machines, Julie believes, explaining: “Letters preserve lives for future generations. They can be read and re-read and treasured.”

To call Julie an expert on handwritten letters and cards is not hyperbole. This past January, she gave a TEDx Talk on the subject titled “The Gift That Can Last Forever.” (Filmed in the Camarillo Library, it can be viewed at www.tedxcamarillo.com along with eight other local speakers.)

Like a well-written short letter by Benjamin Franklin, Julie’s 12-minute address was long in the making. Her preparation included a four-hour TEDx coaching session.

Next, to assist in memorizing her polished script, Julie taped 49 color-coded index cards on a large mirror in her Camarillo home.

Then she practiced ad nauseam. She practiced to her husband, Bob, a dozen times. She practiced countless times to herself while driving.

“I even practiced in front of my dogs,” she says.

The rehearsals paid dividends. Julie’s delivery on camera was flawless and charismatic; her message filled with passion and inspiration.

“Handwritten letters have the power to change lives,” Julie told her live audience and then shared a few letters that changed hers, including one from two decades past.

In 1987, Julie and Westmont College track team traveled to a meet in Richmond, Va., where their coach grew up. While the rest of the team was outside, Julie ventured inside the house to visit her coach’s grandfather.

“Ten years later on a Thursday afternoon,” Julie indelibly remembers, she received a handwritten letter from her coach thanking her for spending that one-on-one time with his grandfather.

“That really made me realized that the simple gesture of a handwritten letter can actually change lives,” Julie says.

In truth, she had been a letter-writer long before that day.

“Letter-writing has always been a part of me,” Julie notes. “It was instilled in me by my mother when I was young.”

Julie was further inspired by an aunt living in Minnesota.

“She wrote me when she traveled,” Julie recalls. “I don’t have kids, so now I send cards to my friends’ kids when I travel.”

Indeed, Julie walks her TEDx Talk. She sends cards and letters to family, friends, acquaintances and even strangers. For example, she read a newspaper story about the record holder for blood donations. She tracked down his address on the East Coast and mailed a congratulatory card.

Since her TEDx Talk, which has been viewed nearly 1,500 times on YouTube, Julie has received an avalanche of handwritten letters. Also, ironically, numerous emails and texts, too, from people saying they have been inspired to write more handwritten letters.

“The response has been humbling and surprising,” Julie says.

One thing that is not surprising: Julie wrote thank-you notes to everyone who had a hand in her talk.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Wooden&Me_cover_PRCheck out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”

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Long Line Leads to a Long List

1StrawberriesCoverWoody’s highly anticipated new book “STRAWBERRIES IN WINTERTIME: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” is NOW available! Order your signed copy HERE!

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Grateful for a Long Line at the Post Office

            Abraham Lincoln said, “Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.”

In line at the post office the other day, I found myself behind two women who seemingly had their minds made up to be unhappy. Indeed, their conversation was little more than a long list of complaints.

“Why don’t they open another window? . . . I know, they’re always on break. . . . I hate tax season. . . . I don’t even want to talk about my taxes – no refund this year. . . . You won’t believe what my son’s teacher did . . . I don’t know why I bought these shoes – they hurt my feet.”

1yosemitefalls

Yosemite Falls can make one’s mood soar.

On and on it went, yet a surprising thing happened – instead of contagiously bringing my mood down, they lifted it. They inspired me to begin a mental list of simple gratitudes as an antidote to their poor attitudes.

Below is part of that list – not the easy biggies like family and health and a home, but small pleasures and gratitudes. I hope you may be inspired to come up with your own list. Here goes . . .

Having a topic for a column – as happened in line at the post office – fall into my lap.

Wildflowers blooming along the roadside.

Ventura County’s best-in-the-world strawberries in wintertime – and summertime, too. Also, dipped in chocolate.

Watching birds in flight, especially when they float on an updraft without moving their wings.

Butterflies.

Finishing a really good book. In fact, being near the start or in the middle of a really good book.

Related topic: Libraries and librarians and bookstores. And newspapers.

Novocain when I have a cavity or need a root canal.

A foot massage. Actually, both feet being massaged.

Staring at the ocean, listening to the waves crash, watching surfers, seeing energetic dogs run playfully on the beach.

Seeing energetic kids on a playground.

Crawling into a bed freshly made with cleaned sheets.

Going to bed being so excited about tomorrow that I cannot wait to for morning to arrive.

Hearing an old song that transports me back in time to high school or college, to distant friends and places, even to a different me.

Terrific, caring, dedicated teachers. I might as well simply say: teachers.

Being smiled at.

The Channel Islands – viewing from afar and visiting in person.

Yosemite Valley. Especially Half Dome. Best of all, Yosemite Falls.

The feeling that comes after a good day of writing.

Reading something, anything, everything my author daughter writes.

A sincere compliment – giving one as well as receiving one.

Receiving a handwritten letter, note or card – and writing one.

A stately tree with patches of sunlight beaming through its full foliage.

Palm trees.

Pizza. Especially New York City pizza. Best of all, when eating it with my son while visiting him in Manhattan.

A run. Especially along the Ventura beach bike path. Best of all, again, when in the company of my son when he’s visiting me back here.

Ventura County’s talented musicians and artists.

Ventura County’s growing collection of microbreweries that rivals anywhere.

Related to above: A pint. Sometimes a second pint.

Murray has been making our family smile for ten years.

A square, or three, of dark chocolate.

Traveling. Near or far, new places or to see familiar faces.

A welcome-home hug, whether having been gone just a couple hours or returning after months apart.

Visiting an impressive art museum – or a school on Art Nite.

Talking with – more accurately, listening to – someone who has a true passion about something. The less I know about the subject, the better because the more I then learn.

Something, anything, everything that makes me laugh. This includes laughing at myself.

A hot shower after being outside in the cold.

A long hot shower when traveling outside of drought-ridden California.

Friends. Good friends. A few great friends.

Man’s best friend. Tail-wagging dogs. Especially, of course, my goofy, loveable, gray-faced boxer Murray.

One closing gratitude: having endless reasons to make my mind up to be happy.

How about you?

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Wooden&Me_cover_PRCheck out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”

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Kids’ hunger for knowledge is good

1StrawberriesCoverWoody’s highly anticipated new book “STRAWBERRIES IN WINTERTIME: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” is NOW available! Order your signed copy HERE!

 * * *

School kids should only be hungry for knowledge

The story might be apocryphal, although my belief is it is true. It certainly rings of truth. It reminds me of my friend Danny in elementary school.

Danny did not have a dad. Not because of divorce; death. He never told me how his dad died and I didn’t ask.

Back in the late 1960s, kids brought sugary treats – cupcakes or Rice Krispies squares, usually – to school on their birthday. Danny never did. Not because he had a summer birthday, but because his mom couldn’t afford to feed 20 kids.

She had a hard time feeding Danny. I didn’t know this for a long while.

1schoollunchMost of my friends and I ate packed lunches, but Danny always got the hot lunch. This meant he had to wait in the cafeteria line. With our head start, kids with packed lunches got out to the playground sooner.

One day I complained to Danny that we were getting tired of having to wait for him before choosing up sides for games. I suggested, ignorantly, he should start packing his lunch.

He confided he had to eat the hot lunch because he got it free.

It’s funny the things you remember. During sleepovers at Danny’s house I remember he always wore socks to bed. More specifically, what I can’t forget is that his tube socks always had holes in them – sometimes with two or three toes sticking out.

Danny’s family was poor.

Now you will understand why a short essay on Facebook by a woman named Veronica, a post that has been shared more than 50,000 times, hit me like a punch in the empty stomach. It reads:

“I was a free lunch kid. I will not offer my backstory because it should not matter whether or not we were ‘worthy’ or ‘irresponsible’ trash. I was a hungry child.

“Without free lunch and sometimes free breakfasts, I would not have eaten until dinner. There was no money to get a hot lunch and I suspect no money to buy supplies to pack lunch. I was a hungry child.

“I do not know whether free lunch made me work harder. I do not know whether free lunch improved my grades. I do not know whether free lunch improved my classroom behavior. What I know is that I was a hungry child and I was fed.

“I received my lunch without embarrassment or isolation. Every day, I went through the line with the standard hot lunch. I waved at the nonjudgmental lunch lady. I was a hungry kid and I ate my lunch.

“I was a hungry child and our government, through your taxes, fed me.

“Thank you.”

Veronia’s story made me think of another person who went hungry as a child: Olympic champion Jackie Joyner-Kersee.

“We’d stop to eat after a track meet and everyone else would buy something but I wouldn’t,” Jackie once told me, recalling her long-ago days on the East St. Louis Railer youth track team.

“I’d have to wait until I got home because I didn’t have any money. My mom always taught us, ‘If you don’t have, don’t ask.’ I’d run six events and still say I wasn’t hungry.”

Her youth coach finally figured it out. Since Jackie didn’t have – and wouldn’t ask – he started insisting she share some of his food.

Fast forward four decades. Jackie, who competed in four Olympics and won six medals (three gold), never forgot that early life lesson and kindness. When youths at The Jackie Joyner-Kersee Boys & Girls Club in East St. Louis kept showing up hungry, Jackie didn’t wait for them to ask for food. What if they didn’t ask? She started a free meal program.

If you ask me, feeding hungry kids is a greater legacy than Olympic gold.

Back to my friend Danny. I didn’t start buying the hot lunch – except on pizza days – but I did start waiting to eat my packed lunch until Danny got through the cafeteria line.

Other friends soon followed suit. Then we would go out to the playground together.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Wooden&Me_cover_PRCheck out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”

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These News Stories Expire April 1, 2017

1StrawberriesCoverWoody’s highly anticipated new book “STRAWBERRIES IN WINTERTIME: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” is NOW available! Order your signed copy HERE!

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Breaking News with an Expiration Date

            BREAKING NEWS: The items in today’s column expire at midnight tonight.

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HOLLYWOOD – The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences today issued a press release announcing the embarrassing mistake that the wrong envelope was read 1ragingbullannouncing the winner for Best Motion Picture. The 1980 Oscar belatedly goes to “Raging Bull” instead of “Ordinary People.”

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NEW YORK – In stunning medical news, more than 10,000 oncologists in the United States, and nearly 200,000 other health workers specializing in cancer treatment, filed for unemployment today after losing their jobs.

“It’s the most wonderful news imaginable,” one newly unemployed oncologist said. “We have wiped out cancer with a vaccine so there just isn’t any work for us anymore.”

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WALL STREET – The New York Stock Exchange remains in a tizzy after Facebook stock tumbled for the fifth trading day in a row.

The drop coincides with a week where log-in use of Facebook fell 98 percent because, according to one analyst: “People have decided to go out and live their lives in the real world instead of through social media.”

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CAMARILLO – It was announced today that Mike and Bob Bryan, greatest doubles team of all time, were accidently switched at birth and that Mike is actually Bob and Bob is Mike.

Tennis fans continue to be unable to tell them apart.

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EVERYTOWN, USA – Millions of Baby Boomers marched nationwide in protest of their own nagging complaints about Millennials being overly coddled with an inflated sense of entitlement.

The protesters’ signs included: “Millennials Are Magnificent!”

“Our College Education Was Affordable – Sorry!”

“Millennials Rock at Volunteering!”

“What’s The Heck Is Snapchat?”

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LAS VEGAS – City officials today sent a letter to the National Football League expressing buyer’s remorse.

“We feel the Raiders are too sinful even for Sin City and hereby withdraw our approval for the team to relocate here in 2020,” the letter reads in part. “However, we will happily build a new stadium for the Patriots.”

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NEW YORK – National Football League Commissioner Roger Goodell today announced that beginning with the 2017 season, the NFL will address its Traumatic Brain Injury and concussion epidemic by having all players wear 1930’s era leather helmets without facemasks.

“We feel this will stop the players from using their heads as weapons,” Goodell said.

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THOUSAND OAKS – Amgen Inc. today announced second thoughts about opening a new facility in Tampa, Florida, a move that would affect approximately 500 current employees through layoffs, relocation and reassignment.

“The City of Thousand Oaks has been extremely good to us over the years,” a spokesperson said. “We feel a responsibility to return this loyalty to Ventura County and to our local employees who would be adversely effected by the Florida proposal.”

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@realDonaldTrump – “This is my last tweet. Ever! Twitter is 4 losers! Tweeting is a bigly waste of time. So is golf. Time to get to work to KEEP America Great!”

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SILVER SPRING, MD – The FDA, citing a series of recent scientific studies, today officially declared that chocolate chip cookies are a “super food” high in antioxidants as well as high in taste.

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Department of Education today announced it will spend billions of dollars expanding a national curriculum in MAC – Music, Art and Creative writing – and place an emphasis on attracting the brightest students.

“While we recognize STEM – Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics – helps make society better,” a spokesperson explained, “we feel without question MAC makes for better citizens.”

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            COOPERSTOWN, NY – Major League Baseball Commissioner Rob Manfred today announced a new rule aimed at shortening game times. Beginning with the 2017 season openers, batters will get only two strikes and three balls.

“A 2-and-1 count is the new 3-and-2,” Manfred noted.

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NEW YORK – The Pulitzer Prize Board today announced a surprise award honoring Woody Woodburn.

A board member explained: “Woodburn is not as good a writer as he should be; he’s not as good as he wants to be; but thank goodness at least he’s better than he used to be.”

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Wooden&Me_cover_PRCheck out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”

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Odometers and Milestones

1StrawberriesCoverWoody’s highly anticipated new book “STRAWBERRIES IN WINTERTIME: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” is NOW available! Order your signed copy HERE!

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Little Steps Add Up to Big Things

The odometer in my car recently reached 150,000 miles. I saw the milestone approaching and yet – you guessed it – forget to look down at the right moment to see it roll over from 149,999.9.

Watching 150,002.9 roll over into 150,003.0 was not nearly as exciting, I don’t imagine.

Granted, 150,003 miles is nothing exceptional for a Honda Civic. Still, it did take some perseverance as it is a 2003 model.

“Perseverance is not a long race,” Walter Elliot, a Scottish politician once noted, “it is many short races one after another.”

Nor is it one long drive, but rather many short trips – to the grocery; to drop kids off at school; to run errands; to here and to there.1SmallWooden

I had a personal odometer that measures perseverance roll over 10 days ago when my running streak reached 5,000 consecutive days. This time, I was aware when nines rolled over to zeros.

My run streak, like my Honda, is a 2003 model. Certainly I did not lace up my Nikes on July 7 of that year with the intent of running at least 3 miles every single day for the next 13-plus years.

Even when I noticed I had an unintentional streak of more than 100 days, I didn’t set a goal of 1,000 consecutive days much less 10 straight years. Rather, I set a goal that I could see on the horizon – 365 days in a row.

When I reached the one-year milestone, I decided to try for the two-year milestone. Momentum took over. All the while, however, my real goal, my real focus, was on today’s run.

Similarly, cinema’s streak runner extraordinaire, Forrest Gump, did not set out intending to run for three years, two months and 15 days. Rather, he was sitting on his porch one day when “for no particular reason” he decided to go for “a little run.”

A lot of little runs took Forrest from South Carolina to Santa Monica and then back across the country to the Marshall Point Lighthouse in Maine before turning around again and running all the way to Utah’s Monument Valley before he abruptly stopped, saying: “I’m pretty tired. I think I’ll go home now.”

My own little runs during my streak have added up to just over 48,000 miles. My next goal is to figuratively run from Ventura to Chicago, a distance that will push my streak mileage total above two trips around the earth.

If I successfully “reach” Chicago, I think I’ll head on to the Marshall Point Lighthouse. . .

Something else that got me to thinking about perseverance recently was a brick wall. Specifically, the sight of a brick wall being built. Each time I drove past, the waist-high wall grew a little longer. It wasn’t built in one hour or one day, but rather over many days of eight hours of toil.

The wall was a perfect example of John Wooden’s maxim, “Little things make big things happen.” Little bricks, one laid next to another, one on top of another, makes a big wall.

Perhaps my favorite visual of little things making big things happen was a story that golfing legend Chi Chi Rodriguez once told me.

“When I was a young boy we had a little field that was overgrown with bamboo trees,” Rodriguez recalled of his childhood in Puerto Rico. “My father wanted to plant corn, but clearing the bamboo would have taken a month. He didn’t have the time because of his job.

“So every night when he came home from work, my father would cut down a single piece of bamboo.”

Chi Chi paused, and then emphasized: “Just one piece.”

Another pause. And a smile.

“The very next spring, we had corn on our dinner table.”

A longer pause. And a wider smile.

“The lesson is that nothing is impossible,” continued Rodriquez. “The bamboo story to me is the secret to success. If you really want something and you set your mind to it and work hard enough, one by one, little by little, miracles happen.”

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Wooden&Me_cover_PRCheck out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”

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Odds Favor Listening Over Speaking

STRAW_CoverWoody’s highly anticipated new book “STRAWBERRIES IN WINTERTIME: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” is NOW available! Order your signed copy HERE!

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Odds Favor Listening Over Speaking

I had a one-in-a-million lunch last week.

Twice.

As a columnist and author, from time to time I am asked to give talks to local clubs and service groups. I can’t speak for my audiences, but I always have an enjoyable time because I meet some wonderful people.

Case in point is the Conejo Valley Chapter of the Daughters of the American Revolution. I had the great fortune to be seated with five members who are as interesting as they are lovely, which is saying something. Each is a role model for remaining curious and engaged in learning for a lifetime.1livequote

By the time I went to the lectern after our hour of dining together, I just hoped to be one quarter as interesting and entertaining to the ballroom at large as my table’s Fab Five women had been.

While I heard briefly about their grandchildren, this was just a quick conversational appetizer. The main course included stories they had recently read in Smithsonian Magazine, Discover, National Geographic, Scientific American, various newspapers, and also some documentary viewings.

The conversation flew around the table like the Globetrotters passing the basketball as my hosts Brenda Nakagawa, Dawn Hollis, Nancy Kilbourn, Sandi Selditz and Sharon Martin discussed Neanderthals and Homo sapiens and their interbreeding and migration patterns; how cursive writing affects the brain and enhances learning in children; the recent discovery in a Mexico junkyard of the 1968 Mustang driven by Steve McQueen in the movie “Bullitt”; and, of course, the Revolutionary War.

Even more interesting than their reading material was their life material. I learned about a career in the classroom; competing in dance contests in the 1950s; travel destinations near and far; and the Mayflower’s voyage to America.

In addition to being a Daughter of the American Revolution, Sharon Martin is a daughter of the Mayflower. Specifically, she is a member of the Society of Mayflower Descendants. Even more specifically, she is a descendant of passenger John Howland.

Howland, as Sharon shared, fell overboard during the journey. By luck or by fate, or a dose of both, Howland managed to grab hold of a towline and was rescued from the frigid Atlantic waters.

Howland not only survived the voyage, he was one of 51 Pilgrims to survive the harsh first winter of illness and hunger in Plymouth, and ultimately had more descendants than any of his fellow passengers.

Those descendants include U.S. presidents Franklin D. Roosevelt and both George Bushes; literature’s Henry Wadsworth Longfellow and Ralph Waldo Emerson; and Sharon Martin.

All told, it is estimated Howland’s descendants number 1 million. In other words, having lunch seated next to Sharon was a one-in-a-million experience.

The very next afternoon, I had lunch with The Ventura Retired Men’s Group which meets at the Elks Lodge.

Imagine combining the Greatest Generation with a troop of first-grade Cub Scouts and you get an idea of this fun group that ranges in age from 63 to 93. After the Pledge of Allegiance and invocation, jokes flew.

Among the fascinating people I met was my host and tablemate, Steve Carroll. Steve has traveled to 53 countries, and has an interesting story from each, but one especially stood out.1peacebell

In China, in a town whose name Steve forgets, an unforgettable encounter took place. In a small park with a large “Peace Bell,” Steve saw an older man proudly wearing a vintage military uniform.

A veteran himself, Steve approached and – through the man’s daughter – introduced himself. Steve said he admired the man’s uniform and asked if he had served.

“Yes, in Vietnam,” came the interpreted reply.

Steve shared that he also was in Vietman and next asked, “What year?”

Came the answer: “1969.”

“Me, too,” Steve said. “Where?”

Again their answers were identical.

Forty years after two opposing soldiers had been at the very same spot, at the very same time, they shared one more thing: a warm embrace.

“I think it’s ironic it happened in a peace park with a peace bell,” Steve said, concluding his one-in-a-million story.

I also think it’s beautiful.

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Scouts Bring Out My Cookie Monster

STRAW_CoverWoody’s highly anticipated new book “STRAWBERRIES IN WINTERTIME: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” is NOW available! Order your signed copy HERE!

 * * *

Scouts Bring Out a Cookie Monster

Hello, my name is Woody and I am a Girl Scout Cookie-holic.

My recovery is not going well.

A year ago, I went cold turkey and was doing great for about 10 months. But, once again, as springtime has approached I have fallen off the wagon. And landed hard.

In the past few weeks I have eaten a couple months’ worth of Somas and Tagalongs, with an occasional box of Shortbread/Trefoils mixed in.1cookies

It doesn’t help that I run into Cookie dealers outside the grocery store. The Cookie dealers even come knocking on my front door. It’s not fair.

Making the matters more impossible, the Cookie dealers are always cuter than a puppy, with eyes as big as Thin Mints and smiles that shine – sometimes literally sparkling with braces, which makes them all the more irresistible.

Like a full moon turning a man into a werewolf, Girl Scouts selling their edibles transform me into the Cookie Monster.

My willpower is as overwhelmed as a sandcastle against high tide. I crumble and find myself making extra trips to the ATM. I add an extra mile, or three, to my daily run so my pants will still fit. This is March Madness.

I am actually faring a little better this year thanks to an assist from my adult daughter. Below, in Dallas’ own words, is her strategy that might help you too.

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It’s Girl Scout Cookie Season!

Every time I run errands, or simply drive around town, I see them: tables set up with glittery posters and a rainbow of colorful cookie boxes, and girls in green uniforms, cheerfully and patiently selling their wares.

Girls in ponytails and braids.

Girls with braces and girls with gap-toothed smiles.

Girls who remind me of my friend, Céline; who fill my heart and break it at the same time.

Céline, who died far too young, was an extremely proud Girl Scout. And a loyal one: every year in college, she would take cookie orders from us to support her old troop.

Céline even kept boxes of Thin Mints in the freezer. I’ve always been partial to the Samoas.

These days my eating habits are a lot healthier than they were back in college. Which causes a problem: I want to support entrepreneurial Girl Scouts, but I simply don’t want a bunch of cookies in my pantry.2cookies

This is not to suggest I only eat kale and not an occasional cookie. I think it is good to enjoy both – just not together, in my opinion.

In any case, whether you plan to buy one or 100 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies, here is a guaranteed way to make a Girl Scout smile. This is something Céline learned from her experience as a Girl Scout and something she would do whenever she came across a green-vested girl selling cookies.

It is now something I do in my late friend’s honor – one of my favorite ways to remember her, in fact.

Step One: Ask the Girl Scout what her favorite cookie flavor is. She will, of course, think you are asking her for advice about which kind of cookie you should try.

Step Two: Buy a box of whatever her favorite type of cookie is.

Step Three: Hand the box back to her and explain it is a gift for her to enjoy. Here is what I say: “My friend was a Girl Scout and she told me how hard it was to be selling all these cookies without being able to eat any yourself. So these are a treat for you to have. Keep up the great work!”

Step Four: Enjoy all the warm fuzzies filling you up inside.

One Final Note: This is not only a way to make a Girl Scout smile – it is a guaranteed way to make yourself smile, too.

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Me again. I have added my own Step Five: Buy a second box of Samoas and a third box of Tagalongs for myself. I’ll restart my recovery next month.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Wooden&Me_cover_PRCheck out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”

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