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Scouts Bring Out a Cookie Monster
Hello, my name is Woody and I am a Girl Scout Cookie-holic.
My recovery is not going well.
A year ago, I went cold turkey and was doing great for about 10 months. But, once again, as springtime has approached I have fallen off the wagon. And landed hard.
In the past few weeks I have eaten a couple months’ worth of Somas and Tagalongs, with an occasional box of Shortbread/Trefoils mixed in.
It doesn’t help that I run into Cookie dealers outside the grocery store. The Cookie dealers even come knocking on my front door. It’s not fair.
Making the matters more impossible, the Cookie dealers are always cuter than a puppy, with eyes as big as Thin Mints and smiles that shine – sometimes literally sparkling with braces, which makes them all the more irresistible.
Like a full moon turning a man into a werewolf, Girl Scouts selling their edibles transform me into the Cookie Monster.
My willpower is as overwhelmed as a sandcastle against high tide. I crumble and find myself making extra trips to the ATM. I add an extra mile, or three, to my daily run so my pants will still fit. This is March Madness.
I am actually faring a little better this year thanks to an assist from my adult daughter. Below, in Dallas’ own words, is her strategy that might help you too.
It’s Girl Scout Cookie Season!
Every time I run errands, or simply drive around town, I see them: tables set up with glittery posters and a rainbow of colorful cookie boxes, and girls in green uniforms, cheerfully and patiently selling their wares.
Girls in ponytails and braids.
Girls with braces and girls with gap-toothed smiles.
Girls who remind me of my friend, Céline; who fill my heart and break it at the same time.
Céline, who died far too young, was an extremely proud Girl Scout. And a loyal one: every year in college, she would take cookie orders from us to support her old troop.
Céline even kept boxes of Thin Mints in the freezer. I’ve always been partial to the Samoas.
These days my eating habits are a lot healthier than they were back in college. Which causes a problem: I want to support entrepreneurial Girl Scouts, but I simply don’t want a bunch of cookies in my pantry.
This is not to suggest I only eat kale and not an occasional cookie. I think it is good to enjoy both – just not together, in my opinion.
In any case, whether you plan to buy one or 100 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies, here is a guaranteed way to make a Girl Scout smile. This is something Céline learned from her experience as a Girl Scout and something she would do whenever she came across a green-vested girl selling cookies.
It is now something I do in my late friend’s honor – one of my favorite ways to remember her, in fact.
Step One: Ask the Girl Scout what her favorite cookie flavor is. She will, of course, think you are asking her for advice about which kind of cookie you should try.
Step Two: Buy a box of whatever her favorite type of cookie is.
Step Three: Hand the box back to her and explain it is a gift for her to enjoy. Here is what I say: “My friend was a Girl Scout and she told me how hard it was to be selling all these cookies without being able to eat any yourself. So these are a treat for you to have. Keep up the great work!”
Step Four: Enjoy all the warm fuzzies filling you up inside.
One Final Note: This is not only a way to make a Girl Scout smile – it is a guaranteed way to make yourself smile, too.
Me again. I have added my own Step Five: Buy a second box of Samoas and a third box of Tagalongs for myself. I’ll restart my recovery next month.
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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.
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