Is your Club or Group looking for an inspiring guest speaker or do you want to host a book signing? . . . Contact Woody today!

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For a Personalized Autographed copy of “STRAWBERRIES IN WINTERTIME” or “WOODEN & ME” use the PayPal link on my home page or mail a check for $25 to:

Woody Woodburn

400 Roosevelt Court

Ventura, CA 93003

This, That and Some Other Stuff

Ernest Hemingway is credited with writing perhaps the shortest great story, telling a heart-wrenching tale in a mere six words:

“For sale: baby shoes, never worn.”

My wife may have done the legendary writer one better, and with two less words.

As prelude, our 12-year-old boxer, Murray, recently required surgery to remove a growth from his gums. The day prior, Lisa went to a pet store and, with help from a sales clerk, selected a protective cone collar.

Surgery went well and surprise of surprises, Murray didn’t scratch at his mouth at all. When Lisa returned the protective cone, unopened, the same sales clerk asked if there was something wrong with it.

“We didn’t need it,” my wife answered.

“I’m so sorry,” said the clerk, his tone filled with sympathy and his mind filled with the thought, “Surgery: dog died, cone never worn.”

Recognizing the miscommunication, Lisa happily explained that Murray was doing great and wasn’t pawing at his stitches. The clerk couldn’t have smiled wider had it been his own dog.

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Speaking of kind sales clerks, our local Trader Joe’s never ceases to amaze me. In the past, I’ve seen a cashier jot down a recipe for a customer; race into the parking lot to return small change; give a hug to a woman customer who was having a bad day; and give flowers to a woman who lost her home in the Thomas Fire.

Recently, I bought three dark chocolate “Truffle” bars that proved to be stale chalky white. Mentioning this to a TJ’s cashier, despite having no receipt and none of the stale bars with me, he insisted on replacing them for free.

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According to a recent study by Kantar Public, 52 percent of Americans say they would feel “very comfortable” having a female president.

Reaction: Shame on the other 48 percent.

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Nobody asked me, but here’s one more political thought: While the federal government is shut down, shouldn’t we citizens have our income taxes prorated for each day closed?

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My column on Thacher’s Athletic Director Pete Fagan and his “Second Scoreboard” values brought a number of positive responses, including this from Dick Billingsley:

“I have coached high school sports for 40 some odd years and Pete’s teachings are a mirror image of what I have preached with all my student athletes. Being on the CIF-SS Executive Committee, we often discuss ‘Pursuing Victory With Honor.’ Pete has it right!!!

“High school athletics should always be an educational experience, instilling sportsmanship, integrity, confidence, and accountability in our athletes. I will nominate Pete for the CIF ‘Champion For Character Award’.”

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Nobody asked me, but if quarterbacks would pump fake more often they wouldn’t get so many passes batted down by jack-in-the-box defensive linemen.

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For many years, Leslie Seifert-De Los Santos has donated to my annual holiday ball drive in memory of her father, Art. This year, I didn’t hear from her – until this week.

“My older sister, Karen, died unexpectedly a few days after Thanksgiving,” Leslie emailed. “Along with her only adult child, my husband and I were with her in the hospital in Arizona for a week and it felt like Christmas took a sad back seat.”

Despite the tragedy, Leslie indeed donated three basketballs to disadvantaged kids. Her amazing kindness brings the final tally to 474 sports balls – and brings a smile of admiration to my face.

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Nobody asked me, but drifting to sleep oceanside to the sound of crashing waves is surpassed in pleasantness only by the symphony of rain drumming on the roof and window panes.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Check out my memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and my essay collection “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” …

• Personalized signed copies are available at WoodyWoodburn.com