Column: No More Mr. Nice Guy

by Woody

 Mr. Nice Guy? He Just Clocked Out

 

If you were expecting 700 words of nice this morning, phone your grandma. I’m still in an I’m Tired From Springing Forward And Losing One Hour Of Sleep kind of mood.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I love Daylight Saving Time – I just get annoyed we keep turning the clocks back each fall.frownface

 

I get annoyed when I buy a new “anything” and three weeks later a better version comes out – often costing less.

 

I get annoyed when the updated model of my favorite running shoes now only comes in a color scheme that would make a clown blush.

 

I get annoyed when autocorrect makes me look like a stop sign cool – er, stupid fool.

 

I get annoyed when I read the news crawl across the bottom of the TV screen and then lose track of what the news anchor is saying.

 

I get annoyed when the Santa Ana winds make a mess the day after I did yard work.

 

I get annoyed when I’m watching a sporting event on TV and the sideline reporter interviews a celebrity in the stands, and the producer insists on showing the celebrity full-screen while the game action is shrunk into a tiny insert frame where I can’t see a darn thing. Vice versa please!

 

I get annoyed by knuckleheads – yo-yo-heads my daughter calls them.

 

I get annoyed when yo-yo-head politicians open their mouths.

 

I get annoyed when Paul McCartney closes his mouth after the final encore.

 

I get annoyed when my yo-yo-head picks basically eliminate me from the NCAA Basketball Tournament bracket pool by the end of the first weekend.

 

I get annoyed that school children see a need to send military care packages filled with requested items like sun block, ChapStick, socks, underwear, flip-flops, Pringles, powdered Crystal Light, Oreos, trail mix, jerky, granola bars and gum. If our troops want these items, the military should be providing them! Let kids send letters, cards and handmade items.

 

I get annoyed when my dental insurance won’t pay if I schedule a cleaning even one day less than a full six months apart.

 

I get angry when instead of a “12 Angry Men”-like verdict of justice I feel a trial has been decided by 12 Dopey Men And Women.

 

            I get annoyed when I see litter anywhere – most especially cigarette butts on our beaches.

 

            Closing on an upbeat, a recent post titled “10 Customer Service Stories That Will Restore Your Faith In Humanity” on blog.bufferapp.com did not annoy me.

 

            My favorite of the 10 happened after a young boy named Luka Apps spent his Christmas gift money on a Lego Ninjago named Jay XZ, only to lose the toy ninja when he brought it along on errands against his dad’s advice.

 

            Devastated, Luka wrote to Lego and explained his mistake while promising to be much more careful in the future if they would replace it.

 

            A customer support rep named Richard responded like an action figure hero brought to life, telling the boy he had talked to Sensei Wu (a Ninjago character) and further writing: “He told me to tell you, ‘Luka, your father seems like a very wise man. You must always protect your Ninjago minifigures like the dragons protect the Weapons of Spinjitzu!’

 

“Sensei Wu also told me it was okay if I sent you a new Jay and told me it would be okay if I included something extra for you because anyone that saves their Christmas money to buy the Ultrasonic Raider must be a really big Ninjago fan.

 

“So, I hope you enjoy your Jay minifigure with all his weapons. You will actually have the only Jay minifigure that combines 3 different Jays into one! I am also going to send you a bad guy for him to fight!

 

“Just remember, what Sensei Wu said: keep your minifigures protected like the Weapons of Spinjitzu! And of course, always listen to your dad.”

 

I’m annoyed I didn’t think to write to Hasbro when I was Luka’s age after I broke a leg off my G.I. Joe scuba diver only days after buying it with my saved allowance money.

 

 

 

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

 

 

 

Check out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”