Author Archives: Woody

Junky Skiing Santa Proves Priceless

by Woody

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is available at Amazon (click here), other online retailers, and orderable at all bookshops.

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From Woody’s column archives, December, 2019…

Some Christmas stories are sweet as hot cocoa topped with melting marshmallows. This one ain’t. All the same, I would not trade it for the world – or even for a vintage mint-condition toy Matchbox car.

The year was 1966, wintertime in Ohio, and I bit my quivering lip trying with all the strength a 6-year-old can muster not to cry. I felt like I had found a rock in my Christmas stocking.

I was in first grade, in wonderful Mrs. Bauer’s classroom, in an era when elementary schools held gift exchange parties. I was to swap toys with Paul, a boy I did not know well because he was not in my circle of recess friends.

I knew one thing, however: I would buy Paul a Matchbox car. After all, all boys loved the popular tiny cars. I seem to recall Matchboxes cost about a dollar, which was probably the price ceiling for our gift-giving.

Mom took me to the five-and-dime where my two brothers and I spent our allowance money – we got a nickel for each year of age; hence I received 30 cents weekly at the time while my older siblings got 45 and 55 cents – on sports trading cards, comic books, and Matchbox racers.

I do not remember which specific car I picked out for Paul, but my best guess is a Mustang since that is what I surely would have wanted. Paul did not reciprocate with a cool Mustang or any other Matchbox. Nor did he give me a Batman comic or a few packs of baseball cards.

No, the gift I opened at our class party was a red-and-white Santa Claus figurine, made of hollow plastic and slightly larger than a coffee mug, on green snow skis. The toy bag on Santa’s back was empty, although it probably held candy when originally purchased. Even filled with Hershey’s Kisses or candy canes, Skiing Santa surely cost no more than my weekly allowance.

In other words, I swapped a precious metal Mustang for a lump of plastic coal.

While Paul and my best pals Dan, Bob and Bill – boys did not go by Daniel and Robert and William in the ’60s – were racing their new cool Matchbox cars across desktops around the classroom, I blinked back hot tears.

Admittedly not for the right reason, I suddenly did the right thing. Despite selfishly feeling sorry for myself, I started speeding my stupid Skiing Santa alongside the Matchbox cars. Truthfully, I was not trying to erase any embarrassment Paul might have felt for giving such a crummy gift; I simply did not want to feel left out.

When the bell for recess rang, Mrs. Bauer asked me to remain behind. I sat nervously at my desk having no idea what I had done wrong. When we were alone, my teacher sat beside me and said, as I remember it: “I’m proud of you for not showing your disappointment – that would have hurt Paul’s feelings. You gave him a very nice toy and you should be happy about that.”

Mrs. Bauer’s message, which I naturally did not understand at the time, was that it truly is better to give than receive.

I eventually became friends with Paul and will never forget a few sleepovers at his house: his socks always had holes in the toes; he shared a tiny bedroom with two sisters; and he had no dad – death, not a divorce.

Skiing Santa, I have since realized, might have been all Paul had to give, making it a dearer gift than a Matchbox Mustang.

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Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is now available in paperback and eBook at Amazon (click here), other online bookstores, and is orderable at all bookshops.

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Woody writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn.

Ball Drive “Cannot Fail” Thanks to Smile-Givers

by Woody

Woody’s new award-winning novel “The Butterfly Tree” is available at Amazon (click here), other online retailers, and orderable at all bookshops.

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“The gift is to the giver and comes back most to him,” wrote the wise, and Santa Claus-bearded, Walt Whitman. “It cannot fail.”

Star readers who have given to “Woody’s Holiday Ball Drive” for local disadvantaged youth are experiencing the unfailing truth of Mr. Whitman’s sentiment. As Peggy and Paul Graham, who gave one each basketball, football, and soccer ball, noted: “This has become part of our holiday tradition and a source of pleasure for us. Widening the smile of a child is the ultimate reward.”

Here, grouped numerically to save space, are some more generous smile-givers…

A mountain of gifts from “Woody’s Holiday Ball Drive.”

Anna and Tom McBreen gave one ball, and the McAuley sisters – Maya, 6, and Auden, 2 – for their December birthdays each excitedly picked out a gift ball for children they will never know.

Bobbin and Steve Yarbrough gave two balls, as did Allison Johnson “to honor my brother Michael Demeter, who would like for those who can’t afford a ball to have the chance to dream.”

Elaine and Ken Lyle took three of their grandchildren – Joshua, Corbin, and Brynlee – to each choose one gift ball, as has become their shared tradition. Also giving three balls were Kathy and Ken McAlpine; Pam and Peter Carter; Signe Smale; and Peggy Brown “in honor of Kerry Karnes.”

Judy Magee-Windle donated four balls “in honor of my four grandsons who are the loves of my life”; Katherine and Frank Anderson also gave four; as did Thomas and Karyne Roweton.

David and Denise Thomas gave five balls; Jeff Barks, too; and Irma Paramo.

Glen Sittel donated six balls, noting: “It always feels great to help provide these wonderful gifts to the youth of our community.” Shelly and Steve Brown gave separate balls in honor of their six grandchildren; Bobbie and Dave Williams also gave six balls; as did Kelly Lanier. And Al and Carol Gross donated six basketballs, and a baseball glove, “in memory of Dick Utter” – Al’s basketball and baseball teammate at Ventura High in 1948 and 1949.

Marcy and Dave Erickson gave seven basketballs “in memory of Charlie Feyh, a longtime and well-loved girls’ basketball coach for VYBA and the Ventura Nets club team.”

Mary and Rick Whiting gave eight balls; as did Shelley and David Cole; and Steven and T Yamamoto.

The Bench Warmer, which serendipitously has on display a framed Lakers’ No. 23 jersey of Cedric Ceballos who helped inspire this ball drive long ago, gave nine balls “in memory of David Hilty”; Terry and Draza Mrvichin also gave nine balls; as did Lynne and Don Steensma.

Local coaching legends Mickey Perry and Joe Vaughan once again donated 10 basketballs, and in a similar annual tradition Ann Cowan likewise did so in memory of her late husband, Jim. Also giving 10 balls were Kym King; Susan Hall; Tim Hansen; Alan and Kathy Hammerand; and Kay Giles and Michael Mariani.

Steve Askay gave a dozen balls in memory of his late granddaughter, Mabel Rae, who was a role model for “extravagant love, kindness, and generosity.” Also giving a dozen balls were Carole Rowland; Scott Blaise; the crew at J & H Engineering; Chance, no last name given; Sally and Tom Reeder, calling it “one of our favorite experiences every December”; and an anonymous donor “in memory of two big Jims – Jim Woodburn and Jim Cowan – who left wonderful memories with us.”

The Bemis family donated 14 balls “in loving memory of Michael”; Roz Demaria gave 18 balls; and children at Trinity Lutheran Church in Ventura, after hearing Lennie Weinerth give a lesson on sharing one’s blessings, brought in 20 balls to share with children in need of a little TLC.

Julie and Chris Hein gave 24 balls “in memory of Jim Woodburn and Gramps Woodburn,” while Julie and Nick Sarris donated 41 balls “in memory of Sienna’s eternal spirit and Maya’s compassion for others.”

Mike and Bob Bryan, who have yet to meet a child they didn’t show great kindness to, and who have been loyal supporters of “Woody’s Holiday Ball Drive” every year without fail since Day 1, served up an array of 50 basketballs, soccer balls, volleyballs, and footballs.

With so many Whitman-hearted givers, this endeavor “cannot fail.”

To be continued for four more days…

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“Woody’s Holiday Ball Drive” ends Monday! New sports balls can be dropped off through Dec. 16, or online orders delivered to, Jensen Design & Survey at 1672 Donlon St. in Ventura, 93003. Please email me about your gifts at woodywriter@gmail.com so I can add your generosity to this year’s tally and acknowledge you in a future column.

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Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is now available in paperback and eBook at Amazon (click here), other online bookstores, and is orderable at all bookshops.

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Woody writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn.

Toasting My Favorite Books This Year

by Woody

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is available at Amazon (click here), other online retailers, and orderable at all bookshops.

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“Do you want sixteen ounces?” the waitress at a local craft brewery asked. “Or twenty?”

“Sixteen’s good,” I said before Gary Tuttle, my happy hour companion, followed with his ale selection, specifying: “I’ll have the twenty.”

When in Rome – or drinking with a long-distance legend who surely wore Adidas Rom running shoes in the 1960s: “Make mine a twenty, too,” I revised.

“Then I want twenty-four ounces,” Gary interjected playfully…

…and yet, in a nutshell, the humorous interaction unveils the serious competitive spirit that made Ventura’s native son a two-time NCAA steeplechase champion, three-time American record holder, and runner-up finisher in the prestigious Boston Marathon.

A new book that prominently features Gary throughout – “Running Behind The Redwood Curtain” written and compiled by Vince Engel – has a gem of a story that pairs perfectly with our beer orders. It took place Gary’s senior year at Humbolt State and, edited slightly for space, here is how he tells it in the pages:

“At 9:30 p.m., as I was preparing for bed, Vince made an announcement: ‘It’s the end of January and I have been sneaking daily peeks at your (Gary’s) running diary. For the first time in our five years of running together, I have tallied more miles in a month than you. I have one more mile total – I finally beat you in total mileage for the month.’

“I said nothing, but after a glance at the clock I began to put on rain sweats and running shoes. Vince’s smug smile turned to chagrin as he stammered, ‘What are you doing?’ I replied, ‘I’m going for a two-mile run in the rain – January has two and a half hours remaining.’

“Vince, with a worried smile, responded: ‘It’s pointless – I will just run with you, we will get wet and cold for no good reason, and I will still have one more mile than you.’

“I replied, ‘Darn, you’re right. I guess I will run hard for all two hours and thirty minutes left in January. I just need to beat you by over one mile to win the mileage – you are the middle-distance runner, I’m the distance man, so you know I will do it. Be prepared for the toughest run of your life.’

“By now Vince is getting very upset with me. ‘Can’t you just let me win once?’ he said.

“I said, ‘Nope. Are you coming?’ ”

After running the two extra miles needed, alone in the rain, Gary stayed up guarding their front door until midnight to make sure Vince didn’t sneak out to one-up him. Tuff plus mettle equals Tuttle.

While “Running Behind The Redwood Curtain” is not for everyone, hardcore running fans, and especially fans of Gary Tuttle whose storytelling highlights the 459 pages, will definitely enjoy it.

Of the 59 other books I crossed the finish line reading in 2024, here are my top recommendations, beginning with three nonfiction home runs: “Home Waters” by John N. Maclean; “The Bookshop” by Evan Friss; and “Perfect Eloquence: An Appreciation of Vin Scully” edited and compiled by Tom Hoffart, whose own chapter introductions alone are grand slams.

On the fiction bookshelf, shamelessly I shall lead off with my own debut novel, “The Butterfly Tree: An Extraordinary Saga of Seven Generations,” sharing company alongside “The Adventures of John Carson in Several Quarters of the World” by Brian Doyle; “Lillian Boxfish Takes a Walk” by Kathleen Rooney; and “A Walk in the Sun” by Henry Brown.

Also, “Water for Elephants” by Sara Gruen; “Horse” by Geraldine Brooks and “The Horse” by Willy Vlautin; “Wandering Stars” by Tommy Orange and “Night Came With Many Stars” by Simon Van Booy; “North Woods” by Daniel Mason and “Kingdom in the Redwoods,” a middle-grade novel by Keven Baxter; and “Kunstlers In Paradise” by Cathleen Shine.

Bookend thin-paged offerings that measure up big are “Until August” by Gabriel Garcia Marquez and “Crossing Delancey” by Susan Sandler.

Lastly, let me raise a toast – with 20 ounces, not 16 – to my runner-up and favorite novels I read this year: “James” by Percival Everett and, with understandable bias and unimaginable pride, “Before & After You & Me” by my daughter Dallas Woodburn.

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“Woody’s Holiday Ball Drive” ends soon! New sports balls can be dropped off through Dec. 13, or online orders delivered to, Jensen Design & Survey at 1672 Donlon St. in Ventura, 93003. Please email me about your gifts at woodywriter@gmail.com so I can add your generosity to this year’s tally and acknowledge you in a future column.

* * *

Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is now available in paperback and eBook at Amazon (click here), other online bookstores, and is orderable at all bookshops.

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Woody writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn.

Kind Givers Get Ball Drive Rolling!

by Woody

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is available at Amazon (click here), other online retailers, and orderable at all bookshops.

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“Give every day the chance to become the most beautiful day of your life,” Mark Twain wrote. And, “It is higher and nobler to be kind.”

Once again, Woody’s Holiday Ball Drive is off to a fast rolling start as Star readers have proved themselves to be noble and kind in making the Christmas season more beautiful for local disadvantaged kids.

In the spirit of The Star’s long-running Bellringer campaign, originated by the late legendary editor Julius Gius, I would like to publicly thank the givers to date here in print:

Susan Sadamich donated nine soccer balls, noting: “Since I have no kids of my own it gives me joy to give to the kids who need a gift.”

Some of the gifts for kids!

Anita and Arthur Pulido gave five each basketballs and footballs.

Gary and Cathy Metelak dished out 10 basketballs with two additional football spirals tossed in.

Mike and Jo Ann Smith gave two each soccer balls and basketballs.

Rebecca Fox kicked in two soccer balls in honor of hers and my shared dear friend Doris Cowart.

Kent Brinkmeyer gave the kids a high-five with five basketballs.

A whopping 48 balls were generously donated by an anonymous Good Samaritan.

Another anonymous kindhearted soul gave a baker’s dozen basketballs “in memory of Tim Fahringer – ‘Ute9’ – a loyal friend and teammate, VHS Class of 1980.”

My loyal friend and longtime teammate in The Star sports department, Jim “Swami” Parker, donated two basketballs.

Judith Smith kicked in two soccer balls.

The Conejo Valley Genealogical Society generously gave five each basketballs, soccer balls, and footballs.

Tom and Jan Lewis donated 10 basketballs “in loving memory of Leonard “PeeWee” Keep, who passed away in May this past year. He was huge part of our lives when our daughters were growing up playing for the Ventura Stars Girls Basketball Club and was a coach of the game and teacher of life lessons.”

Nita and Nick Perkins dished in eight basketballs.

Laura McAvoy and Sol Chooljian donated10 soccer balls and four basketballs.

Indiana University Hoosier alum Tavis Smiley gave, fittingly, 10 basketballs.

An anonymous giver passed in five basketballs in memory of Jim Woodburn III and five soccer balls in memory of Jim Woodburn II.

Brad and Mia Ditto gave a baker’s dozen assorted balls, with Brad noting: “My dad, who was a high school football and baseball coach for many years, would absolutely love what you’re doing for these kids.” Correction: Brad’s dad would love what all you dear readers are doing for the kids!

In the Introduction to a collection of his “Editor’s Notebook” columns published in 1988, Gius wrote: “I have had a rich and rewarding life. Everything has come up roses for me. I count my blessings every day and wish them for everyone.”

If you similarly have been blessed, I encourage you to follow Gius’ example by dropping off new sports balls (no batteries required!) at a Boys & Girls Club, YMCA, Toys For Tots, or similar program. The organizations will see that they wind up in deserving young hands.

Also, through Dec. 13, you can hand off your bouncing gifts at Jensen Design & Survey at 1672 Donlon St. (weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.) near Target on Telephone Road in Ventura; or have online orders shipped to the same address; and I will take it from there.

And please email me about your gifts at woodywriter@gmail.com so I can add your generosity to this year’s ball tally as well as acknowledge you, with a dedication to a loved one if desired, in a future column.

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Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is now available in paperback and eBook at Amazon (click here), other online bookstores, and is orderable at all bookshops.

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Woody writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn.

Following in Giant Footsteps

by Woody

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is available at Amazon (click here), other online retailers, and orderable at all bookshops.

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From Woody’s column archives, November 27, 2010…

“Seek not to follow in the footsteps of the wise,” advised Japanese poet and philosopher Matsuo Basho. “Seek what they sought.”

Ages later another poet, the journalistic philosopher Chuck Thomas, wrote: “Never write a bad column when you can steal a good one.”

Chuck, who passed away one year ago (now 15) this coming week, wrote wise columns for The Star for more than half a century. The final time I saw him was in the hospital and he joked I should pinch hit for him until he got well. Heartbreakingly, he didn’t and now I feel like George Selkirk, the poor guy who followed in Babe Ruth’s giant footsteps.

Instead of playing right field in pinstripes in Yankee Stadium, I find myself writing in Chuck’s old space. His sacred spot. What an honor. And what pressure. I could use a therapy session with Chuck’s invented column character, “stressologist” Dr. Sigmund Schrink.

Following the master’s lead, I will partially fill this morning’s column with someone else’s words—Chuck’s, from two of the handful of letters he wrote me during my 13 years as a sportswriter for this newspaper.

Let me begin with one dated April 12, 1992, shortly after I confided my growing desire to move on to a major metropolitan newspaper. Using a manual typewriter he thoughtfully said, in part:

“Having been where you are, I can appreciate your frustration. I, too, wanted to prove I could play in the Big Leagues, but wasn’t willing to move to Cleveland or even Oakland to achieve that goal. Eventually, I realized that living in Ventura was more important to me and my family than being perceived as a genuine major leaguer.

“As that line from ‘Mission: Impossible’ goes, your challenge—should you choose to accept it—is just to keep writing great columns, and remember: Success is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy this time in your life, because your old Uncle Chuckles can promise that, someday, you’ll look back on these as good-old days.

“Even though it may seem to you that no one has noticed, I’m one of your fans who knows that you’re writing better now than ever—much better, with more depth, more variety and more class. And you’re writing rings around most of the other guys in the Big Leagues.”

His kind words not only swelled my spirits and buoyed my confidence, they guided me in a difficult decision when I was soon thereafter offered a big-time columnist position in Philadelphia. Realizing that living in Ventura was similarly more important to me and my young family than being perceived as a genuine major leaguer, I turned it down.

How much did I look up to Chuck? Perhaps the best answer is this: his notes and letters have always shared the same wooden box with penned heirlooms from my late mom, my departed grandfathers, and my idols Jim Murray and John Wooden.

Re-reading these missives from Chuck, who uniquely and affectionately often called me “The Wooder,” reminds me of something he said more than once in print: “If there’s someone whose friendship you treasure, be sure to tell them now—without waiting for a memorial service to say it.” I am thankful I listened and did so while Chuck was alive.

As I write my 14th column (now 14 years worth!) in this space, his venerable corner, the opening sentences of a letter dated July 12, 1995, seem eerily prophetic. Chuck, who started his career in sports, began:

“Woody – What happens to old sports columnists? Some of them become old news-page columnists.”

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“Woody’s Holiday Ball Drive” reminder: New sports balls can be dropped off, or online orders delivered to, Jensen Design & Survey at 1672 Donlon St. in Ventura, 93003. Please email me about your gifts at woodywriter@gmail.com so I can add your generosity to this year’s tally and acknowledge you in a future column.

* * *

Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is now available in paperback and eBook at Amazon (click here), other online bookstores, and is orderable at all bookshops.

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Woody writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @

Birthday Gift for ‘Holiday Ball Drive’

by Woody

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is available at Amazon (click here), other online retailers, and orderable at all bookshops.

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I love my oldest granddaughter Maya “to the moon and beyond,” as I often tell her, for a million reasons and let me share just one.

Last December, the day before her fifth birthday, little Maya went to a big box store with her mommy to pick out a sports ball. Purple being Maya’s favorite color, odds were good she would select a soccer ball of that color; or perhaps a basketball with pink stripes, her second-favorite color; instead, she surprisingly chose a brown football which she proudly carried to the checkout line…

A small sampling of gifts from “Woody’s Holiday Ball Drive.”

…and, even more proudly—“beaming” was her mommy description—later that day dropped it into a Toys For Tots bin at her swim class. On the drive home, her hair wet and smelling of sour chlorine, Maya sweetly tried to imagine the smiling face of the child—not necessarily a boy, she told her mommy, “because girls like to play football, too”—who would receive it.

 “It was a real positive experience that she enjoyed and learned from,” Maya’s mommy, who happens to be my daughter, shared. “For the first time, giving really registered with her. She understood some children don’t have a ball to play with, much less many balls and many toys, like she has.”

Maya’s enlightening experience is not unique. Every year I hear similar stories of kids participating—many picking out balls their parents or grandparents pay for; some using allowance or birthday money; a few raising group funds—in “Woody’s Holiday Ball Drive” that kicks off once again today to give sports balls to local disadvantaged youth.

The seed for this endeavor was planted three decades ago at a local youth basketball clinic when Ventura College legend and former NBA All-Star Cedric Ceballos awarded autographed basketballs to handful of lucky attendees. Leaving the gym afterward, I happened upon a 10-year-old boy who won one of the prized keepsakes…

…which he was now dribbling on the rough blacktop outdoor court, and shooting baskets with, all while perhaps imagining he was Ceballos with the game clock ticking down to the final buzzer.

Meanwhile, the real Ceballos’ Sharpie signature was wearing off.

Curious as to why the boy did not carefully carry the trophy basketball home un-smudged to put safely on a bookshelf, I interrupted his playing to ask.

“I’ve never had my own basketball,” he answered matter-of-factly between shots.

That Christmastime, visions of that boy—and other boys and girls who don’t have their own basketball to shoot, or soccer ball to kick, or football to throw—danced through my head. So I asked you dear readers to help make the holidays happier and you responded like MVPs—Most Valuable Philanthropists.

Once more, I am asking you to drop off new sports balls (no batteries required!) at a Boys & Girls Club, YMCA, Toys For Tots, or similar program. The organizations will see that they wind up in deserving young hands.

Also, through Dec. 13, you can hand off your bouncing gifts at Jensen Design & Survey at 1672 Donlon St. (weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.) near Target on Telephone Road in Ventura; or have online orders shipped to the same address; and I will take it from there.

If you participate, please email me about your gifts at woodywriter@gmail.com so I can add your generosity to this year’s ball tally as well as acknowledge you, with a dedication to a loved one if desired, in a future column.

Maya’s Scottish last name McAuley translates to “danger is sweet,” but as she will now tell you, “giving is sweeter.”

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Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is now available in paperback and eBook at Amazon (click here), other online bookstores, and is orderable at all bookshops.

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Woody writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at

Changing Diapers, Doing Laundry

by Woody

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is available at Amazon (click here), other online retailers, and orderable at all bookshops.

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More than a few memories did Bryan Brothers-like Chest Bumps inside my mind the other day when it was announced Mike and Bob have been voted into the International Tennis Hall of Fame, joining Maria Sharapova in the Class of 2025 next August in Newport, Rhode Island.

My earliest flashback was playing Monopoly on a rainy day at the Bryan family’s home in Camarillo. Wayne, the identical twins’ father and the teaching pro at nearby Cabrillo Racquet Club, had brought a handful of junior players, myself included, to his house since the courts were flooded.

Mike and Bob were in another room, napping in their shared crib, and were the reason the game was extra spirited: the stakes were that the Monopoly loser had to change their diapers when they woke up. Even then, as I recall, Mikeandbob—two names as one, singular—were in such perfect synchronization that two of us kids were actually needed at once for doody duty.

Mikeandbob were barely out of diapers when they won their first doubles title at age 6 (in the 10-and-under division) and proceeded to grow into a two-headed monster standing 12 feet, 6 inches tall, with four arms and four legs, that devoured the tennis world by winning 16 Grand Slam doubles championships and 119 overall titles, both all-time records by a mile, plus Olympic gold and bronze medals, and helped Team USA win the Davis Cup. Too, they were ranked No. 1 in the world for 438 weeks during 22 years on the ATP Tour.

When I texted Wayne to congratulate him and Kathy for officially being Hall-of-Fame parents, he responded with a surprising off-the-court Mikeandbob memory involving my son, Greg, who was maybe 12 at the time.

As Wayne recalled in his text: “After 13 years competing all over the country in the juniors, two years at Stanford, and 22 years all over the world in the pros, you have a moving van full of memorable days. But on my personal Top Ten List is the day you and Greggie came by and I said, ‘Hey, the Bros. are back in town from the 13-week clay court season in Europe with a humungous load of dirty clothes and I gotta go to the local Camarillo Coin Op Laundry and get it done.

“ ‘Okay,’ Greggie says. ‘Let’s go do it!’

“You and Greggie had no idea what you had volunteered for and funny how I remember this, but we did a world-record 13 washer loads and 13 dryer loads that day and it took some two and a half hours and well over $50 worth of coins.

“But Greggie had a smile on his face the whole time and we shared some laughs and he did a beautiful job and it was a day I’ll never forget just hanging with him.”

My son was smiling because Wayne made it so much FUN!—all capitals with exclamation mark—by turning it into a series of games: guessing which washers and dryers would finish first; seeing who could match sock pairs the quickest; who could fold tennis shirts the best.

That afternoon in the laundromat was, in essence, how Mikeandbob became Hall of Famers—Wayne and Kathy always made tennis FUN! for their twin sons. Mikeandbob never needed to be told to practice; rather, the battle was pulling them off the court.

“Ha. Ha,” Wayne concluded in his text. “If there is ever a movie made on the Bros. journey, that laundromat scene has gotta be in it!”

A spirited game of Monopoly scene has gotta be in it, too!

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Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is now available in paperback and eBook at Amazon (click here), other online bookstores, and is orderable at all bookshops.

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Woody writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn.

Golden Memories of Dodgers’ Golden Voice

by Woody

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is available at Amazon (click here), other online retailers, and orderable at all bookshops.

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With the Dodgers playing in the 2024 World Series this column, near the top of my archives from 2022, seems fitting to rerun today…

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As with every Dodgers fan—no, every baseball fan no matter their team affiliation—news of Vin Scully’s death at age 94 gripped my heart and squeezed my wife’s tear ducts. A moment later, we smiled and laughed.

Yes, laughter among the sorrow because we both reached far back to the time the home phone rang and my wife answered and the velvety voice on the other end of the line was unmistakable even before the caller identified himself.

Lisa, unaware I had been trying to set up an interview, didn’t believe here ears. “You aren’t Vin Scully,” she said after he gave his name, amused at one of my friends’ lame jokes…

…and hung up.

The phone promptly rang again, The Golden Voice again asked if I was home, and Lisa instantly realized her embarrassing mistake.

A few days later, I didn’t interview Scully so much as pull up a chair in his Dodger Stadium radio booth long before that night’s game and listen to his enchanted storytelling for an hour.

About a year later we crossed paths at a gala dinner honoring another Southland legend, Jim Murray, washing our hands in the restroom. Remarkably, Scully greeted me by name, but the greater display of his peerless people skills was his insistence I come meet his wife. In turn, I introduced him to Lisa—albeit without mentioning the phone hang up.

Scully’s geniality in person was as authentic as it was on the airwaves.

“I enjoy people, so I don’t mind autograph requests at all,” he told me. “Why not sign? They’re paying me a compliment by asking.”

And what were some of the stranger “compliments”?

“I’ve signed a lot of baseballs, as you can imagine,” he shared. “But also golf balls and even a hockey puck, which is sort of strange. Paper napkins seem popular, even dirty napkins – I think it’s all they have on hand. I don’t expect them to keep it, but I sign anyway because hopefully they will keep the moment.”

How many magical moments did Vin—didn’t he make us all feel like we knew him on a first-name basis?—give us during his 67 years behind the Dodgers’ microphone? Count the stars in the sky and you might have the answer.

Here is another of my favorite personal moments that I keep wrapped in red velvet. Our interview concluded, I asked The Greatest Sports Broadcaster Ever if he would put me in the batter’s box in Dodger Stadium. Oh, how I wish I had recorded his imaginary call of my one-and-only Major League at-bat.

In my mind’s ear, nonetheless, I can hear it still as he announced me digging in at the plate to face the great fireballer, Bob Gibson, who promptly brushed me back with the first pitch: “Gibson says, ‘Welcome to the Big Leagues, Mr. Woodburn,’ ” said Scully.

Next pitch, I swung at a fastball after it was already in the catcher’s mitt, yet somehow “the tall, lanky kid from Ventura”—for I was magically no longer approaching 40 years old—fouled off a couple pitches and eventually worked the count full, 3-and-2.

Scully ended my fantasy with a wink, not a home run. Like “Casey at the Bat”, mighty Woody struck out. It was perfect.

Perfect, too, was Scully’s succinct answer when asked how he would want God to greet him in heaven: “Well done.”

Well done, Vincent Edward Scully. Well done, indeed.

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Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is now available in paperback and eBook at Amazon (click here), other online bookstores, and is orderable at all bookshops.

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Woody writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn.

Trick-or-Treat Costs Arm and Leg

by Woody

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is available at Amazon (click here), other online retailers, and orderable at all bookshops.

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Boo! Here is something scarier than any ghost or goblin or ghoul: according to the National Retail Federation, this year Americans will spend $700 million on Halloween costumes…

…for their pets!

Yes, Halloween is literally going to the dogs—and cats.

As for humans, the projected figure to be spent on costumes in 2024 is $3.7 billion, plus $3.8 billion for decorations and $3.5 billion for candy—the latter figure does not include dental bills six months down the Candy Cane Lane. All told, according to the NRF, this works out to $103 per person, a tick down from a record $108 a year ago.

Spiderman is expected to be children’s top costume of choice this year followed by ghost, princess, and witch. Not surprisingly, witch will again rank as the top outfit for adults followed by vampire, cat, Batman, pirate, and a swollen number of Shrunken Head Bob from the new cult movie sequel “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice.”

As for pets, the NRF says the most popular costumes will be four-legged pumpkins, hot dogs, bats, bumblebees, ghosts, and spiders. Personally, I have loved eight dogs in my life, but have spent the same on costumes for all of them combined that my parents did on costumes for my three siblings and me growing up: zero, zilch, zip, not a dime.

You see, back in the 1960s, kid Baby Boomers made costumes with empty boxes and paint, bed sheets and old clothes, this and that, maybe some face makeup, and imagination.

Instead of store-bought costumes from a box, here are some outside-the-box Halloween outfits I would like to see knocking on my door next Thursday evening:

Shohei Ohtani dressed up like Superman and the rest of the Dodgers, dusting off a four-year-old costume stored in an attic trunk, as World Series champions.

Speaking of superheroes, I’d love to see firemen, nurses, police officers, and teachers dress up as members of the Justice League.

Every cancer patient dressed up as cured.

Amazon’s Alexa and Apple’s Siri costumed as helpful librarians, and vice-versa.

The new iPhone16 dressed up as a rotary rPhone1960 model.

Similarly, a family out for meal in a restaurant all costumed as Amish Mennonites without everyone having his or her attention focused on smartphone screens.

Throwaway plastic milk jugs dressed up as bygone “Leave It To Beaver” milkman-era returnable glass bottles.

All the current election yard signs dressed up as recycled trash.

Congress dressed up with “Will Work For Food” signs.

Patagonia founder Yvon Chouinard costumed as Administrator of the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency.

Every drunk driver dressed up as a taxi, Uber or Lyft passenger.

The Lakers’ father-son duo LeBron and Bronny James as Methuselah and Lamech.

Jack In The Box pitchman Jack dressed up as Ronald McDonald, and vice-versa.

SoCal weather dressed up as rainy Seattle and more specifically Ventura County’s brown hillsides in costumes as Ireland’s emerald landscape.

My laptop keyboard as John Steinbeck’s Hermes Baby typewriter.

Coming full circle to pets, I wish every shelter dog and cat could dress up as a pumpkin or hot dog or bumblebee whilesleeping on a newly adopted lap.

Lastly, according to a CandyStore.com survey, the least popular candy—“bottom of the Halloween barrel” is the description used—handed out this year promises to be the same as when I last went Trick-or-Treating: spongy yet stale banana-flavored yet oddly pale-orange-colored marshmallow Circus Peanuts.

Which reminds me of the proper way to eat Circus Peanuts: tear the package open, toss them in the trash, then enjoy this year’s most preferred Trick-or-Treat treat: Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

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Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is now available in paperback and eBook at Amazon (click here), other online bookstores, and is orderable at all bookshops.

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Woody writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn.

Making Friendship A Fine Art

by Woody

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is available at Amazon (click here), other online retailers, and orderable at all bookshops.

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From Woody’s column archives, October 2020…

My friend Kurt, out of the blue, phoned the other morning for no other reason than to say “hi” and catch up. His timing was perfect as I was in need of a little pick-me-up. By the time he said “ciao” my socks were filled with helium.

After hanging up, my mind drifted to Coach John Wooden—whose birth date, October 14, coincidentally was the previous day—and some lessons on friendship he taught me during the two decades I knew him.

The first time I joined Coach on his daily four-mile morning walk some 30 years ago, he gave me a laminated card featuring his father’s “Seven-Point Creed” that includes “Make friendship a fine art.”

In an effort to be such an artist, the next time I visited Coach I brought along a small gift. Knowing his love of poetry, I selected a hardback collection by Rumi. Shortly thereafter, I received a handwritten thank-you note and a copy of a poem authored by Coach titled “On Friendship”:

“At times when I am feeling low, / I hear from a friend and then

“My worries start to go away / And I am on the mend

“No matter what the doctors say – /And their studies never end

“The best cure of all, when spirits fall, / Is a kind word from a friend”

More prized than the signed poem is that over the ensuing years Coach turned those stanzas into curing words, and deeds, when I was feeling low—particularly after my mom passed away and later when I was nearly killed by a drunk driver.

Coach even had a gift for raising my spirits when they were already high. For example, when I next visited him he recited a poem from the aforementioned Rumi volume. I must confess I did not know who he was quoting until he told me. Fittingly, the selection was titled “Love” which Coach insisted was the most important word in the English language.

The poetry recital was a thoughtful gesture of rare grace, and a lesson through example that saying “thank you” is nice but showing appreciation is far better. In other words, wear a new sweater or earrings the next time you see the person who gave them to you; put a gift vase on proud display before the giver visits; memorize and share a line from a gifted book.

Another life lesson put into practice was how Coach always gave his full attention on the phone and never seemed in a hurry to hang up. Indeed, if he was too busy to talk he would simply not answer in the first place rather than risk the prospect of having to be in a rude rush.

I fondly remember visiting Coach once when the phone rang and he let the call go to his answering machine. It was his way of telling me I was his guest and merited full focus. This unspoken kindness became even more meaningful seconds later after the recording “Beep!” when a very familiar voice could be heard leaving a message.

“That’s Bill Walton!” I said, excitedly. “You’d better answer it!”

Coach Wooden did not reach for the phone, instead telling me with a devilish smile: “Heavens no! Bill calls me all the time. If I pick up he’ll talk my ear off for half an hour and you and I won’t get to visit. I’ll call him back later.”

I am glad I did not have a visitor when Kurt phoned the other day while making friendship a fine art.

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Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is now available in paperback and eBook at Amazon (click here), other online bookstores, and is orderable at all bookshops.

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Woody writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn.