Tag Archives: COVID

Some Hair-Razing Experiences

by Woody

Have you ever had a bad haircut?

I mean really bad. Bad squared. A haircut that looks like your stylist had hand tremors and advanced cataracts. A fiasco you hide under a ball cap or headscarf for a month because it brings to mind the Rolling Stones’ song “Look What The Cat Dragged In.”

I have suffered my fair share of such hair-assment, beginning in boyhood when my dad used electric dog clippers on my two older brothers and me. Why dog shears, you ask? Because our miniature poodle Mac turned into the Tasmanian Devil when Pop tried unsuccessfully to groom him and doggone it if those brand-new clippers were going to go to waste!

In college, I had only myself to blame when I started going to a local beauty college because it only cost five bucks. That might sound even riskier than facing dog clippers, but in truth the haircuts usually turned out not half-bad because the instructor would touch up – or, if need be, entirely redo – everything after the student took a stab at it.

A few times, however, even Vidal Sassoon could not have repaired the original effort. Stubbornly, like a person playing a slot machine, I kept pulling the $5 handle hoping for three cherries. Alas, “One More Try” too often led to two other songs by the Stones: “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” and “No Use Crying.”

My hair-razing tale hit rock bottom one day when the student stylist in training kept trying to even up one side – snip-snip – then the other – clip-clip – then the first side again – snip-clip – and so on, until my Bjorn Borg-like locks were barely longer than the buzzed lawns at Wimbledon. I wore a knit cap all of spring semester.

Over the ensuing years I tried small barbershops and big chains with “Super” and “Super Duper” in their names, but the results continued to be lemon-cherry-7. Until I hit the 7-7-7 jackpot with a woman named Rosa who cut my hair just the way I like it – shorter than when I arrived, yet looking like it hadn’t just been cut. For the next five or six years, I was in haircut heaven.

And then came COVID-19. The longer the pandemic went, the longer my locks grew. Three months became six months and then, stubbornly just for the heck of it, a full year and beyond without a haircut. Finally, I took my Rapunzel-like mane back into the barber chair. A different chair, though, because Rosa’s shop had gone out of business.

Another Rolling Stones’ song, “The Worst,” describes the result. Fortunately my weed-whacked hair grew out, and then some, by the time my son’s recent wedding rolled around. Not wanting to risk accenting my groomsman’s tuxedo with a ball cap, I was in need of a Hair Mary miracle.

My much-better-half has gone to the same stylist – and, shhhhh, colorist – since before my son was born, always with Hollywood-like red-carpet results. “Give Patti a try,” Lisa urged. “She’ll do a great job.”

Patti’s place is a Frisbee toss from the beach with a hippie vibe and even an antique barber pole inside. In other words, I loved it. As she went to work, her adorable little dog sat nearby. His name is Jagger, like the rock star, so I don’t have to tell you the background music was awesome.

Jagger’s human namesake, Mick, famously sings the song “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction” but I felt completely the opposite when I got out of Patti’s chair. It was best haircut of my life.

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Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn

Woody writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn. His SIGNED books are available at www.WoodyWoodburn.com.

Personalized Signed copies of WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and  “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” are available at WoodyWoodburn.com

Imagining a COVID Victory Day

by Woody

It remains one of the most iconic American photographs of the 20th century, of World War II specifically, a single image telling a thousand joyous words.

The black-and-white picture, taken by Alfred Eisenstaedt and published in Life magazine, was snapped in New York City’s Times Square on August 14, 1945 – “V-J Day” – after the news came of Japan’s surrender that effectively ended the war.

Close your eyes and, especially if you are old enough to be on the current COVID-19 vaccination age eligibility list, I bet you can see it in your mind’s eye right now:

In the middle of the crowded street that looks like a New Year’s Eve celebration albeit in daylight, a sailor in a dark uniform and white cap kisses a woman wearing a white dress, white stockings and mid-heeled white pumps. It is not just a peck kiss, but a swooning smooch that seemed choreographed by Hollywood.

The sailor leans the nurse slightly backward, pulling her close with his right hand on her arched back while his left arm cradles her shoulders and neck, and plants the kiss. As if in a romantic movie, she lifts one foot with bended knee behind her. In the background another sailor and a group of older women look on with amused smiles.

This famous photograph has been on my mind ever since the vaccinations for COVID-19 started ramping up. While coronavirus has certainly not surrendered, or been defeated, the end of this pandemic war is at least finally imaginable.

Yes, “V-S Day” (Victory over Stay-and-shelter Day) and “V-Q Day” (Victory over self-Quarantining Day) and “V-PJ Day” (Victory over wearing Pajamas every day Day) are imaginable.

In fact, it seems to me that each day now becomes a Victory Day worth celebrating for those who get their two vaccines – or one shot with the Johnson & Johnson.

Instead of kissing a stranger on the street, different iconic moments are happening as day by day more and more of us are celebrating our own Vaccine Day victory…

Grandparents are hugging their grandchildren for the first time in many months, if not for the first time in a full year.

These same grandparents are as well often hugging their own children for the first time in ages.

Senior citizens are happily embracing friends and fellow residents in assisted living facilities.

Uncles are hugging nephews and nieces, and nephews and nieces are hugging aunts, and aunts and uncles are hugging each other as well.

Some school children are even safely hugging their vaccinated teachers and, I imagine, teachers and principals and custodians and coaches are all embracing each other as well.

On and on, day by day, a parade of people are having 1945 Time Square moments in 2021.

Coincidentally, or thanks to what one of my dear friends calls “a god wink,” a random playlist on my computer recently played a Billie Holiday song from 1944 wartime titled, “I’ll Be Seeing You.” The lyrics, like the kissing photo, make me think of the happy days COVID-19 vaccines are making possible.

The song goes, “I’ll be seeing you … in all the old familiar places that this heart of mine embraces … in that small café … the children’s carousel” and so on. Of course, seeing in one’s imagination, as Holiday sings about, can’t compare to seeing each other in person without social distancing.

So if you have been vaccinated, or when you finally are, I urge you to have a little fun and recreate your own Times Square-like celebratory kiss – or, if more appropriate, a hug.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn. His SIGNED books are available at www.WoodyWoodburn.com.

Personalized Signed copies of WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and  “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” are available at WoodyWoodburn.com

80th Birthday is a Superspreader

by Woody

FOLLOW ME ON INSTAGRAM: @woodywoodburn

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80th Birthday is

a Superspreader

Sharon Martin recently turned 80 and her milestone birthday celebration turned into a superspreader. There wasn’t an outbreak of coronavirus, however – it was kindness that proved widely contagious.

“At my age I have enough stuff,” the longtime Simi Valley resident says, and thus asked family members and friends to each do a “Random Act Of Kindness” in her honor in lieu of a gift-wrapped present.

“I could hardly wait until the big day to open my birthday cards and see what RAOK people had done,” Sharon further shares. “I was like a 5-year-old waiting for Christmas Day.”

Her virtual Christmas tree had more than 50 “gifts” beneath it, including monetary donations to food banks, rescue missions and other charities while food and blankets were given to an animal shelter.

The RAOKs benefited the young and old alike. One woman donated an American Girl Doll to a foster child while several friends “adopted” senior citizens to visit by phone and drop off meals to during the pandemic.

One woman rallied her coworkers and put together 75 back-to-school backpacks filled with supplies for an inner-city elementary school. Similarly, two friends made donations to For The Troops to send “We Care” packages.

“My great-niece joined with others to help clean up the beach,” Sharon said and similarly noted that a 90-year-old nun has started picking up trash on her daily walks as a birthday gift.

“Some were small things,” Sharon continued. “My brother was at a health clinic and when he was leaving he found a pen on the floor. The pen had a special inscription about a nurse and he knew it was important to someone. He spent quite a bit of time interviewing all the nurses and finally found the right one. She was so appreciative as it had been given to her on the day she graduated from nursing school.”

One friend baked homemade bread and delivered it to a neighbor recovering from surgery, along with a good book to read, and another woman made gallons of apple butter to help raise money for families in need.

Another woman tallied up how much money she had NOT spent getting her hair done during the pandemic and sent an equivalent check to a family that is struggling.

“Residents at the Simi Valley Care Center will soon have a pretty gazebo to sit under,” Sharon happily reported, “thanks to a donation to the Eagle Scout project by Josh Hoover.”

One friend saw a man at Costco unsuccessfully trying to squeeze a large piece of furniture into a car that was too small. He brought his pickup truck around and then followed the man home with the special delivery.

Sharon proudly noted that Bill, her husband of 59 years, “is always doing random acts of kindness” and for her birthday celebration this included helping a friend take 5,000 pounds of donations to a Catholic food share.

Naturally, the couple’s three sons honored their mom with RAOKs: Chris went out of his way to make sure a food delivery got to the right person; Greg found a baby quail with a damaged wing and rushed it to a rescue hospital for successful care; and Tim cleaned out the rain gutters for the widow of a victim in the 2017 massacre in Las Vegas.

Turning 80 is a big deal, but how can it compete with the childhood excitement and cake-and-sugar rush of a fifth birthday or eighth or tenth? By giving, that’s how.

As Sharon concluded: “I can truthfully say that this was my very best birthday.”

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn. His books are available at www.WoodyWoodburn.com.

Check out my memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and my essay collection “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” …

Pandemic Can’t Derail Paris Trip

by Woody

FOLLOW ME ON INSTAGRAM: @woodywoodburn

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Pandemic Fails To

Derail Paris Trip

Gloria, my dear friend affectionately called “Mama G” by loved ones, dreamed of celebrating her 70th birthday in Paris with her daughters. Plane tickets had been bought, hotel rooms reserved.

The coronavirus pandemic had other ideas.

Mama G’s four fabulous daughters had other ideas as well and made the Parisian celebration a reality – with an asterisk.

The asterisk: if they could not take their mom to Paris, they would bring Paris to her.

And so it was on her milestone birthday last weekend that Mama G, wearing a dazzling evening gown and stylish hat, enjoyed dinner al fresco at a bistro with lace tablecloths and candlelight, fine wine and gourmet food, and a view of the Eiffel Tower.*

Parisian “bistro” with a view of the Eiffel Towel in Southern California.

Asterisk: a poster of the iconic landmark and an elegantly decorated table were set up on Mama G’s backyard patio. Stephanie, Beverly, Jennifer and Jessica – the Fab Four – filled the seats along with one spouse and two fiancés, all safely quarantined beforehand.

Before dinner, Mama G spent the day sightseeing. Indeed, there are pictures of her in front of the Eiffel Tower and Cathédrale Notre-Dame; at the Arc de Triomphe and the Palace of Versailles; visiting the Louvre and more.*

Asterisk: the pictures were Photoshopped surprises.

The photographs taken at dinner, however, needed no Photoshopping to add in smiles as wide as the River Seine. Still, a faux Parisian party could not fully measure up to the real thing.

Again, the Fab Four had other ideas. The actual trip to The City of Light would have been a small private affair, but for the amended celebration they invited friends and loved ones from across the country, and beyond, to come along.*

Asterisk: thanks to Zoom, more than 60 people attended the birthday party in “Paris.” Scrolling through numerous computer screens was required to see every attendee.

In an actual bistro, it would have been too crowded to clearly hear the toasts given. But on Zoom, everyone in attendance simply took turns sharing their love to Mama G. It was wonderful. No, better than that: Gloria-ous.

The toasts and memories and stories came from people who have known Mama G for more than 50 years, those who entered her life five years ago, and even more recently.

One of the wonderful sentiments came from Deb, who tearfully offered in part: “Happy birthday to Mama G! To my second mother, I wish you another happy and healthy 70 years. You have raised four amazing, brilliant, beautiful women and took me in as your own. I am forever grateful to have you as me second mama.”

As you can imagine, like the champagne in the “bistro,” Mama G’s tears flowed freely. Dabbing her eyes near party’s end, she said: “It was fabulous walking down memory lane and celebrating in ‘Paris’ ”.

Speaking of tears, a second dear friend of mine also celebrated her 70th birthday in the past month’s span. Again, the pandemic led to a different kind of festivity than originally hoped for.

Instead of a large party, Barbara, affectionately known as “Mama Mac,” had a virtual gathering that featured 70 toasts – one for each candle on her cake – from 70 different family members and friends.*

Asterisk: this was not a Zoom party, but instead the toasts – intimate notes and short letters sharing why each person loves Mama Mac – were collected and published in a keepsake book. She cried. It was wonderful.

All the same, I hope 71 is the new 70 and Mama G can fly to Paris and Mama Mac has a big birthday bash in 2021.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn. His books are available at www.WoodyWoodburn.com.

Check out my memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and my essay collection “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” …