Caregivers is “Jewell” of an Organization

“Giving does not empty your hands,” says my son, Greg, wise beyond his years. “It prepares them to be filled.”

Too, giving prepares your heart to be filled. Caregivers Assisting The Elderly, which is celebrating its 30th anniversary in Ventura County, is proof of this.

Jewell Butcher with her favorite scarf.

A decade past, as a high school sophomore, my daughter became a volunteer for Caregivers’ “Building Bridges” intergenerational program. Her heart was filled by the experience.

 “After school and on weekends, groups of teenagers supervised by Caregiver adults visit the homes of senior citizens and help them with gardening, cleaning, and other household chores,” Dallas notes. “But the most requested service is simply providing a few minutes of company.”

Caregivers as friendship givers.

By coincidence, Jewell Butcher lived alone less than a mile away from Dallas.

It was no coincidence Jewell’s house was freshly painted as bright yellow as a sunflower on the outside and inside the blue of a cloudless summer sky. Jewell, then 76, had recently survived a heart attack and when she returned home she wanted to be surrounded by cheerful colors.

“The obvious pleasure she found in our company filled my heart,” Dallas recalls of her first Caregivers visit with Jewell. “She told us a little about herself, but mostly asked questions – about school, about our families, about our dreams.”

Bidding goodbye, Jewell hugged Dallas and warmly said: “Please come back soon.”

Dallas did. She dropped by “The Sunflower House” frequently. Jewell would make tea and the two would talk for hours on end.

“She was a natural storyteller who delighted in the smallest details,” Dallas remembers. “I learned that as a young woman, Jewell and her mother moved to California from Missouri. She had lived in Ventura for more than half a century and I loved hearing what my hometown was once like.”

Long before Caregivers assisted Jewell, she was the caregiver for her mother through a long terminal illness.

“Even when sharing a sad story,” Dallas marvels, “Jewell would end it with a smile and say, ‘I sure am lucky. I’ve had such a blessed life.’ She was an inspiration.”

Around the time Dallas moved off to college, Jewell moved into an assisted living facility. They talked about the similar new chapters in their lives: “I was making new friends in the dorms and going to parties on weekends; she was making new friends in the dining hall and going to bingo nights.”

In Dallas’s absence, her younger brother visited Jewell.

“She never married and had no children, but I like to think Greg and I became her surrogate grandchildren,” Dallas says, adding happily: “Other Townehouse residents often assumed we were her grandkids and she always smiled and never corrected them.”

Going out to lunch delighted Jewell and Dallas laughingly remembers how her frail companion sprinkled Splenda on most everything, even syrupy pancakes and crepes.

But an even sweeter memory was the time Jewell asked Dallas and Greg to drive her to the store because she dearly wanted a disposable camera.

“We had to go right away in the middle of a visit,” Dallas retells. “When we finally returned to her room the urgency of her request became clear – she wanted to take a picture of the three of us to hang on her refrigerator.”

“I miss you when you’re away,” Jewell told them.

“We miss you, too.”

When the photos were developed, Jewell mailed copies to Dallas and Greg. She also enclosed a snapshot of her wearing a sky-blue scarf Dallas knitted as a gift the previous Christmas.

“I love that photo,” Dallas says. “I have it in a frame on my dresser. Jewell’s smile was contagious – still is.”

Having one’s heart filled eventually exacts a steep price: heartache. Three years ago this week a brief illness claimed Jewell’s life at age 86.

“I was living in Indiana and as always sent my dear friend a card for Valentine’s Day,” Dallas shares. “Jewell died on February 12, but I like to think she received my card before she passed.”

I like to think so, too. I know this: Caregivers is a Jewell of an organization.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for the Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. His new memoir WOODEN & ME is now available.

WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the

 Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”

• Personalized signed copies are available at WoodyWoodburn.com
• Unsigned paperbacks or Kindle ebook can be purchased here at Amazon

Club’s Story is a Real Page-Turner

If her memory serves, and Doris Cowart’s mind is quicker than a Google search, Tillie Hathaway merits credit for starting the first book club in Ventura.

“Her husband was a lawyer and she was an RN who made house calls on horseback, so this was sometime before World War II,” recalls Doris, who herself enjoyed a long post-buggy nursing career after coming to Ventura in 1951. “The club is still going.”

It meets now on the second Thursday each month at rotating homes but always beginning at 1 p.m. with coffee, dessert and small talk about children, grandchildren and great-grandkids, vacation cruises and doctor appointments, before finally turning to page-turners.

Doris, who at age 90 swims one-mile four days a week, joined The Thursday Book Club a full half-century ago when the year’s best-sellers included “The Spy Who Came in from the Cold” by John Le Carre and Ian Fleming’s “You Only Live Twice.”

Because nonfiction people only live once, and because of Alzheimer’s, and because of people moving away, membership slowly dwindled. Meanwhile, a second longtime local book club experienced similar losses.

So the two groups had a blind date to see if they were compatible. They were. Today’s merged membership consists of Mary Ann Benton, Annette Clark, Mary Jo Coe, Doris Cowart, Rose Adelle Marsh, Billie Radcliffe, Katherine Stone, Suzanne Sheridan, Barbara Swanson and Arlys Tuttle. Three have been members for 50 years while only two for less than a decade.

To be sure, E.L. James’ “Fifty Shades of Grey” won’t have the staying power of this Nine Shades of Gray And One Redhead. Their hairstyles are short and stylish, varying from straight to curls; lipstick and reading glasses seem required while e-reader tablets are optional.

“Oh, no. No e-reader for me,” says Arlys Tuttle. “I’ll always love books with pages you can feel and turn.”

The problem with e-books, the Nine Shades of Gray And One Redhead agree, is you can’t share one among friends until no one else wants to borrow it, at which time you can donate it to The Friends of the Library to resell for fundraising.

Another fundraising effort is the passing of “The Money Bag” – a blue canvas sack with a drawstring that looks like something a pirate would keep booty in – for each member to contribute loose change.

“If somebody dies we know their interest and buy a book for the library in their honor,” Mary Ann shared.

Added Doris, laughing: “It’s not an honor any of us wants!”

Laughs are frequent.

One woman concluded her review of a book that a fellow member had also read: “Fascinating, didn’t you think?”

“No, I didn’t like it,” came the reply followed by merriment all around.

Another lady, after hearing a positive review, asked to borrow the book next only to see her name written inside the cover as the original owner. She teased herself: “I read a book and forget it two weeks later!”

To be fair, there are myriad books to try to remember considering each member regularly reads two or six or even more a month. They then take turns giving synopses on a couple, good and bad.

A mere sampling of recommended reads on this day included: “And The Mountains Echoed” by Khaled Hosseini; “The Tennis Partner” by Dr. Abraham Verghese; David McCullough’s “Truman” and “John Adams”; “The Elephant Whisperer: My Life with the Herd in the African Wild” by Lawrence Anthony; and “Z: A Novel of Zelda Fitzgerald” by Therese Anne Fowler.

Also Elizabeth Stout’s “The Burgess Boys” and “Olive Kitteridge”; “The Snow Child” by Eowyn Ivey; “The Racketeer” by John Grisham; “Blue Latitudes: Boldly Going Where Captain Cook Has Gone Before” by Tony Horwitz; “The Round House” by Louise Erdrich; “Winter of the World: Book Two of the Century Trilogy” by Ken Follett; and “The Lowland” by Jhumpa Lahiri.

Oh, yes, and “The Longest Ride” by Nicholas Sparks, of which Doris sheepishly shared: “I hate to admit I bought this in a weak moment, but it was actually one of his better ones.”

No one, however, confessed to reading “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for the Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. His new memoir WOODEN & ME is available at www.WoodyWoodburn.com and Amazon.com.

Sports Columnist Forges Bond with Legendary Coach

By Ken McAlpine

Special to The Ventura County Star (June 8, 2013)

(Ken McAlpine lives in Ventura. His magazine articles have earned three Lowell Thomas awards, travel writing’s top award.)

John Robert Wooden was teacher, mentor and friend to many, but few have gotten to the heart of Wooden (and, with Wooden, it’s the heart that matters) like Woody Woodburn.

Woodburn’s new memoir “Wooden & Me: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to ‘Help Make Each Day Your Masterpiece’ ” is a marriage made in writing heaven. Two men cut from the same Midwestern cloth — woven with integrity, honesty and a need to do for others — Woodburn, a national award-winning columnist, and UCLA coaching legend Wooden forged a special bond, and a friendship that lasted over 20 years.

Woodburn first met Wooden as a youth basketball camper in 1975 and the magic begins here. But this is not a book about basketball. Wooden’s gift was to see the bigger picture, and Woodburn possesses the same gift. The result is a book that moves and motivates and makes you care about the not-so-simple values that make this world a better place.

John Wooden’s sporting accomplishments were almost beyond belief. His won-loss record, his NCAA championship wins, we could list the numbers here, but Coach made little of these accomplishments. “What was the biggest highlight of your career?” he was once asked, Woodburn shares. “When Nellie married me,” he said.

This was a man, writes Woodburn aptly, of “rare grace.”

Woodburn’s prose also is rare grace. Wooden was larger than life because he didn’t try to be; Woodburn writes a lovely book because he has a simple, unselfish aim.

“Coach helped shape my life, and grandly,” writes Woodburn. “My friendship/mentorship with him was a precious gift, one that came wrapped with a bow of responsibility to share with others the life lessons he shared with me the best I can strive for is to pay forward in some small measure by sharing his wisdom with others ”

That Woodburn knew Wooden doesn’t distinguish him from hundreds of others: what distinguishes Woodburn is he cares about people and good things. Wooden knew this, and so the two became real friends (Woodburn has a stack of letters from Coach that he keeps in a fireproof safe along with other pen-and-paper family heirlooms).

Wooden’s friendship deepened to include Woodburn’s two children through their growth into young adulthood. Because they were real friends, “Wooden & Me” touches every chamber of the heart. At times the book is funny and upbeat, at times, poignant and sad. Woodburn often got through his own difficult times with help, actual and inspired, from Coach, and Woodburn returned the favor. Together they raised friendship to an art.

The value of friendship, honesty, integrity and hard work, these are things that always merit reminding and are evident throughout the pages of “Wooden & Me (currently available through www.WoodyWoodburn.com). Indeed, Woodburn turns the lessons he learned from Wooden into lessons we can all use.

“Remember, Woody,” Coach told him more than once, “good things take time — and good things should take time. Usually a lot of time.”

This book is a very a good thing.

© 2013 Ventura County Star. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Ball Drive Rings In Another Year

“The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you,” the Greek philosopher and sage Epictetusadvised, “whose presence calls forth your best.”

In this space today I therefore welcome the company – or at least the words and spirit – of Mother Teresa, Julius Gius and Chuck Thomas.

Let me begin with Chuck, the longtime sage and philosopher of this Saturday column who passed away four years ago on this date. He once wrote: “If there’s someone whose friendship you treasure, be sure to tell them now — without waiting for a memorial service to say it.”

In a similar vein, Chuck wisely said, “Help someone today because you may not have the opportunity tomorrow.”

Helping people, specifically local disadvantaged children, is the aim of Woody’s Holiday Ball Drive that officially kicks off again today.

The inspiration for this endeavor was twofold, beginning about 20 years ago at a youth basketball clinic when former Ventura College and NBA star Cedric Ceballos awarded autographed basketballs to half a few lucky attendees.

Leaving the gym afterward, I happened upon a 10-year-old boy who had won one of the prized keepsakes – and was dribbling it on the rough blacktop outdoor court and shooting baskets, perhaps imagining he was Ceballos all the while. Meanwhile, the real Ceballos’ Sharpie signature was wearing off.

Curious why he hadn’t carefully taken the trophy basketball home to put on display safely in a bookshelf, I interrupted his playing to ask.

“I’ve never had my own basketball to shoot with before,” he answered matter-of-factly between shots.

Months later I thought of that boy – and boys and girls like him who don’t have their own basketball to shoot with, or soccer ball to kick or football to throw – and bought one of each to donate. The following year I doubled my giving but wished I could help at least 100 kids have a merrier Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa.

            As mentioned, my Holiday Ball Drive had two seeds of germination. The second was Julius Gius, the late, great editor of this paper and esteemed humanitarian. Gius’ lasting legacy of leadership and philanthropy includes creation of the The Star’s annual Christmas Bellringer campaign that to date has raised more than $1 million for the Salvation Army.

Instead of asking readers to drop loose change and bills into a holiday kettle, I was inspired to ask them to drop off a brand new sports ball for a kid in need.

You dear readers have responded like true MVPs – Most Valuable Philanthropists – by donating thousands of new basketballs, soccer balls and footballs over the ensuing years. Kids “with” have even helped kids “without” by raiding their piggybanks or cashing in recycled aluminum cans.

A great thing about a basketball, football or soccer ball as a holiday gift is that no batteries are required. Also, unlike most toys, a rubber ball is all but unbreakable.

A greater thing is this: studies show that youth involved with sports do better in school and are less likely to drop out. Girls, additionally, are less likely to get pregnant in their teens and more likely to have higher self-esteem.

In the Introduction to a collection of his “Editor’s Notebook” columns that he self-published in 1988, Gius wrote: “I have had a rich and rewarding life. Everything has come up roses for me. . . . I count my blessings every day and wish them for everyone.”

If you similarly have been blessed, I beseech you to be uplifted by Julius Gius’ example and before Christmas drop off a new sports ball at a local Boys & Girls Club, YMCA, Special Olympics chapter, church or temple. The organization directors will pass the gift balls into deserving young hands.

(If you do help deck the halls with balls, please let me know of your gift by e-mail at woodywriter@gmail.com.)

Mother Teresa famously said: “If you can’t feed a hundred people, then just feed one.” Together, calling forth our best, we can “feed” a hundred children or more this holiday season.

Repeating Chuck Thomas’ wisdom, “Help today because you may not have the opportunity tomorrow.”

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for the Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. His new memoir WOODEN & ME is available at www.WoodyWoodburn.com and Amazon.com.

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Chapter Nineteen

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Bryan Brothers Strive To “Help Others”

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Coach John Wooden put into daily practice his belief that “you can’t live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you.”

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          Two small examples: he graciously signed autographs even when the request interrupted his meal, and he paid for the stamps himself to mail back items sent to him to be autographed that did not include return postage.

Coach’s deeds and words have greatly inspired both my children ever since they were quite young. A dozen years ago Dallas, now 26, created “Write On! For Literacy” (writeonbooks.org), a nonprofit foundation to encourage kids to read and write. She has also held an annual Write On! Holiday Book Drive that has collected and donated more than twelve-thousand new books to disadvantaged youth.

At age sixteen Greg, now 23, similarly created his own nonprofit organization “Give Running” (giverunning.org) and since 2006 he has collected more than 14,000 pairs of running and athletic shoes, thousands of which he has personally washed by hand. These shoes have been sent to youth living in impoverished villages in numerous developing countries as well as to inner-city communities across the United States.

In addition to being deeply inspired to help others by Coach Wooden, Dallas and Greg have been blessed to have Mike and Bob Bryan – the winningest doubles tandem in tennis history – as key role models in their lives. Coach Wooden was a fan of Mike and Bob, for their sportsmanship as well as their athletic skills, he told me when I asked him to sign a Pyramid of Success as a gift for them.

Because the identical twins remember the childhood thrills they felt when getting autographs from their tennis heroes, Mike and Bob try to return the favor to today’s young fans. It is not unusual for them to spend half an hour or more after a match or a practice session signing autographs courtside.

“We feel it’s important to make time for fans,” says Mike.

Adds Bob: “It only takes a moment to make a kid smile, so why not take the time and make the effort to maybe make a small difference?”

How Wooden-like does that sound?

Mike and Bob’s time and effort often make more than a small difference. Through their nonprofit organization The Bryan Bros. Foundation they have supplied rackets to inner-city high school tennis teams; supported youth tennis leagues; sponsored young players with equipment and travel expenses; and in countless other ways succeeded in their mission to “help at-risk survive and thrive.” Too, Mike and Bob have generously supported Write On! and Give Running.

But perhaps never have Mike and Bob stood taller than when they made time for Shigeki Sumitani, a ten-year-old from Japan. When he emailed the Bryan Brothers asking for an autograph, they happily obliged.

A few weeks later, upon first learning that Shigeki was battling cancer, Mike and Bob solemnly signed a tennis ball and cap and also mailed the small boy one of the shirts they wore while winning their first Grand Slam championship at the French Open.

When they next learned that Shigeki’s father had bought autographed, match-used rackets of his son’s two other favorite players – Andy Roddick and Andre Agassi – on eBay, only to receive two unsigned knockoff rackets, Mike and Bob autographed one of the rackets they had just used in the French Open final and sent it by FedEx to him.

A small thing? Perhaps. But not to Shigeki. To him it made far more than a small difference. To him it meant the world. As Coach Wooden observed: “Sometimes the smallest gestures make the biggest difference.”

Shigeki passed away only a few days after that priority package arrived. He was wearing the championship shirt from the French Open, with the racket from that same match at his side, while listening to the “Five-Setter” music CD the Bryan Brothers Band had recently produced.

These kind gestures provided a little happiness when happiness had long before been chased away. Shigeki’s mother died at age thirty of a heart attack when her son was six years old, soon followed by his cancer diagnosis that very year. The cancer grew worse and worse. So did the pain.

“At the end, he knew his time was short,” said the elder Sumitani. “His treatments were very hard on him. Frequently he had attacks of severe pain. Sometimes he couldn’t sleep. Sometimes he made complaints. But he did his best.”

So did the Bryans. They sent Shigeki autographs and shoes and CDs and emails. Most importantly, they sent him the knowledge that they cared. Indeed, Bob and Mike embodied the Wooden-like words that their mother Kathy, a former professional tennis star herself, has preached to them since childhood: “It’s far more important who you are as person than who you are as an athlete.”

An only child, Shigeki used to tell his father he dearly wished he had a brother. Briefly, he got the next best thing: two long-distance surrogate big brothers. “Having the Bryans as his ‘older brothers’ made him happy,” the boy’s father confided to me.

Under much happier conditions, Mike and Bob have similarly been surrogate big brothers to Dallas and Greg, showing them endless support over the years. Many times when Greg needed it most – when stress fractures derailed his running on three different occasions or when he was a Rhodes Scholar Finalist but learned the ultimate opportunity to study abroad had eluded him – Mike and Bob have sent emails of encouragement. They have done the same during Dallas’s own tough times.

Conversely, in recognition of Dallas’ high points – her successful ascent of Mount Whitney; acceptance into college and graduate school; receiving the 2013-14 John Steinbeck Fellowship – Mike and Bob sent congratulatory flowers and text messages. Greg, too, has experienced the thrill of their kind gestures.

Dallas and Greg have emulated their big-brother role models by making small gestures to Mike and Bob in return. When the twins are home during a rare break from the pro tour, Dallas likes to bake “Friendship Bread” for them. And Greg has helped do their laundry. Wayne Bryan still happily recalls the time when this was not such a small thing after his twin sons had returned from a three-month clay-court season in Europe: “Greg and I did a world-record thirteen loads of wash, drying, and folding at the local Camarillo Coin Op Laundry. It took us some two and a half hours. We really chopped some wood. He had a smile on his face the whole time and we shared some laughs and he did a beautiful job and it was a day I’ll never forget.”

Greg feels the same way. There truly is great joy – and great memories created – in helping others.

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Excerpted from WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”

Order Today!

For a signed copy:

For an unsigned copy from Amazon CLICK HERE

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Ken McAlpine is the author of the novels Together We Jump and FOG and the nonfictionbooks Off Season: Discovering America on Winter’s Shore and Islands Apart: A Year on the Edge of Civilization.

Peer Muses Share Graduation Wisdom

            Art Linkletter, who had a teaching degree but left the classroom to make his career as a comedian on radio and later a newfangled invention called television, was perhaps at his best when interviewing children on “Kids Say the Darndest Things.”

            In truth, the show could have been called “Kids Say the Funniest Things.”

            This grainy black-and-white flashback came to mind the other day when, while researching something I cannot even now recall, I by chance – more specifically by wonderful, happy, serendipitous chance – happened across a website filled with insight and beauty and sage truth.

            The web page could be called “Kids Say the Wisest Things.” Instead, it is more appropriately and elegantly titled “Calliopeia” in honor of Calliope – the “Fair Voiced” or “Beautiful Voiced” muse of epic poetry in Greek mythology.

The daughter of Zeus and Mnemosyne, Calliope is believed to have been Homer’s muse and the inspiration for the Odyssey and the Iliad, no less. Her lofty pedestal rose into the ozone.

Thanks to “Calliopeia” and its posted epigrams – “a pithy saying or remark expressing an idea in a clever, memorable and amusing way” – written by high school senior English students for their teacher “Bobbi,” Calliope today serves also as the muse for graduation wisdom. This is all the more fitting since Calliope is generally depicted holding a writing tablet or a book, or both, and wearing a crown of gold. In other words, she seems dressed to give a high school commencement address.

Here, then, is some advice for a dear friend of mine who graduates from a local high school next week – and indeed for the members of every high school and college and middle school and elementary school Class of 2013.

Ashley, with the first clarion call:

“Love is the purest bliss and the most agonizing heartache. A life without love is not lived, only endured.”

How can an 18-year-old be such a wise old soul?

The genius of Aubrey’s imagery and insight:

“Friendship is the jelly on the toast of life. Love is the blanket that keeps your heart from growing cold.”

Comfort food and warmth goes a long way, especially when shared with a friend.

Lorianne is undoubtedly another kind, warm friend:

“Friends are like the ties in a quilt. The more you tie, the better the quilt stays together.”

Robert Fulghum doesn’t say it any prettier in his essay “These are the things I learned (in Kindergarten)” with the line, “When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.”

Derek, humble and noble:

“Love is the word we use to encompass all of the good feelings that we can’t describe.”

That extremely aptly describes the indescribable.

And Kerrie equally describes love as attentively, and as purely, as any poet: “Love is what helps you notice the stars and forget about the darkness of the night.”

Hilary’s empathy is a lesson for us all:

“If I cannot mold myself to how I wish to be, how can I expect others to be entirely to my liking?”

I, for one, wish to be more like her.

The sage perception of Jared the cultivator:

“People do not nearly esteem highly enough the dirt that makes the flowers beautiful.”

Shakespeare’s prose, “The earth gas music for those who listen,” could sing a duet with the high school bard’s astute thought.

Jenny’s words similarly cause me pause: “A rose looks beautiful in a vase but lives in a garden.” This contemplation, like the emotions of a graduation ceremony, brings me near tears and nearer to enlightenment.

And lastly, Marissa, the old soul, reminds us: “Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the weak voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I’ll try again tomorrow.’  ”

            At the end of the day, thanks to these poetic students who are also great teachers – and, in truth, thanks to all the courageous young people in all the Classes of 2013 – I know our tomorrows will be in good hands. The fair-voiced Calliope would be pleased.

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Woody Woodburn’s new book, WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” is available for pre-order at: http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1138392258/wooden-and-me-book-and-e-book

            Woody writes a weekly column for the Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com