Woody’s acclaimed memoir

WOODEN & ME is available HERE at Amazon

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Quiz on Fame, Fortune and Fickleness

Good morning, readers. Time for a pop quiz inspired by what has become known as “The Charles Schulz Philosophy.”

No Googling for the answers. Ready, begin.

1 – Who is the world’s wealthiest person?

2 – Name three of the five wealthiest people in America.

3 – Name two of the past three Super Bowl MVPs.

4 – Who was crowned Miss America in 2014?

5 – Name two of the last three Heisman Trophy winners.

6 – Name three of the 13 Nobel Prize winners from last year.

7 – Name two of the past three Oscar winners for Best Actress.

8 – Name two of the past three Oscar winners for Best Actor.

9 – Who won the Cy Young Award in the American League and National League last season?

10 – Name five Olympic Gold medalists, in any sports, from the 2012 Summer Games in London.

The correct answers are:

1 – According to Forbes’ 2015 list, Bill Gates once again ranks No. 1 on the planet with a fortune of $79.2 billion. (Carlos Slim Helu of Mexico is a close second – if $2.1 billion can be considered a small margin – at $77.1 billion.)

2 – Following Gates is Warren Buffett (No. 3 in the world) at $72.7 billion; Larry Ellison (No. 5) at $54.3 billion; Charles Koch and David Koch (tied No. 6) at $42.9 billion each; and Christy Walton (No. 8 globally) at $41.7 billion.

3 – Tom Brady, Patriots, 2015; Malcolm Smith, Seahawks, 2014; Joe Flacco, Ravens, 2013.

4 – Nina Davuluri of New York. (Half credit if you named Kira Kazantsev, also of New York, who is the reigning Miss America.)

5 – Marcus Mariota, Oregon, 2014; Jameis Winston, Florida State, 2013; Johnny Manziel, Texas A&M, 2012.

6 – Malala Yousafzai and Kailash Satyarthi for Peace; Patrick Modinao, Literature; Isamu Akasaki, Hiroshi Amano and Shuji Nakamura, Physics; Eric Betzig, Stefan W. Hell and William E. Moerner, Chemistry; John O’Keefe, May-Britt Moser and Edvard I. Moser, Physiology; and Jean Tirole, Economic Sciences.

7 – Julianne Moore in Still Alice, 2014; Cate Blanchett in Blue Jasmine, 2013; and Jennifer Lawrence in Silver Linings Playbook, 2012.

8 – Eddie Redmayne in The Theory of Everything, 2014; Matthew McConaughey in Dallas Buyers Club, 2013; and Daniel Day Lewis in Lincoln, 2012.

9 – Nation League: Clayton Kershaw, Dodgers; American League: Corey Kluber, Indians.

10 – You’ll need to Google your own Olympic answers to see if they are correct.

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Part I was surprisingly difficult, was it not, considering the questions were about the best of the best, the most famous of the famous?

The lesson learned is that newsmakers and world shapers can have a short shelf life after the applause dies. Records fall, awards tarnish, fame fades.

Now, let’s Part II. Ready, begin:

1 – Name two teachers who played vital roles in helping you become who you are today.

2 – Who can you phone at 3 a.m. for any reason.

3 – Name someone who has helped you with a move for the payment of a few slices of pizza.

4 – Who has been an MVP mentor along your life journey?

5 – Name someone who showed up without even being asked when you most needed someone to lean on.

6 – Who always had your back in high school?

7 – Name someone who is quick to pick up a check during a celebration and sure to check in on you when you are feeling low or sick.

8 – Name a person who has driven a long distance to see you, even at short notice.

9 – Who can you always trust beyond doubt to keep their word?

10 – Name someone who can turn your tears into laughter?

There are, of course, now wrong answers in Part II. Only VERY right answers.

These questions were far easier, weren’t they?

Isn’t it remarkable how the people who make the most indelible mark on our lives, and in our hearts, are not the ones with the most money or the most trophies, the most inventions or the most magazine covers.

Rather, wonderfully, the people who make a lasting impact, life’s real MVPs – Most Valuable People – are the ones who are the most friendly and most giving and most caring.

Class dismissed.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Check out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”

• Personalized signed copies are available at WoodyWoodburn.com
• Unsigned paperbacks or Kindle ebook can be purchased here at Amazon

 My new memoir WOODEN & ME is available here at Amazon

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Embracing New Challenges, Kid-Style

The late, great Chuck Thomas, one of my dear mentors and my predecessor in this space, advised: “Never write a bad column when you can steal a good one.”

With that wisdom in mind, along with the thought that as adults we have a lot to learn from kids, I hereby share some sagacity from my daughter, who recently finished leading her eighth annual youth summer writing seminar. Her lessons and observations apply to life, not just writing.

Dallas shares . . .

One of my favorite things is teaching a writing camp in my hometown for kids and teenagers. For a couple hours over back-to-back weekends, we all sit together in a purple-walled conference room and write. A few use laptops and iPads, but most opt for old-school notebooks and pens.

I put a prompt on the whiteboard, turn on some Norah Jones or Jack Johnson or Miles Davis, and they are off and running – rather, writing.

It’s nothing short of magic, being in that room. It’s calm, peaceful, with a quiet energy fairly making the air molecules dance. You can practically hear the ideas whirring around the room as surely as you can hear the pencils scratching across sheets of paper. You can almost feel the ideas swirling.

My writing campers inspire me in numerous ways. They are passionate, driven, unabashedly enthusiastic. They are creative and ambitious. (Do you know any 9-year-olds writing 300-page novels? I do!) They are well-read, and perceptive, and supportive of each other.

Perhaps most of all, these young people inspire me with the way they eagerly embrace new challenges and take risks in order to push themselves to grow. I teach writing classes for adults as well, and always need to plough through much more resistance before getting down to business.

As adults, we too often become set in our ways. We become afraid to try something new because we might not do it the “right” way. We worry we will make mistakes. We fear stumbling through a learning curve.

Kids, in my experience, seem much less concerned about stumbling. They are focused on flying!

Time and again, I present to my young writers an utterly new idea or wacky concept, intended specifically to push them outside their comfort zones. Do they balk? No, they dive right in and embrace the new challenge! My writing campers are adventurers. They explore. They grow.

These kids are role models for us adults.

One small example is an activity relating to structuring a short story. My only guideline is for the girls and boys to try something they have never before attempted. Write a story in reverse chronological order, from ending to beginning; write with alternating perspectives of two characters; write from the perspective of an animal, insect or inanimate object; write a story in poetic verse.

These amazing kids try it all with joyful abandon. Their bravery is inspiring. They eagerly raise their hands to read aloud their just-birthed fragile words, unselfconscious and unselfish in their sharing. They are generous, both in confidence and in spirit.

When do we lose these wonderful traits as grown-ups? When do we cross that threshold and become shy and stifled? Why are we so terrified of looking foolish that we stop daring to try – and stop trying to dare?

Fundamentally, these kids live Eleanor Roosevelt’s prescription: “Do one thing every day that scares you.”

Except they turn the word “scares” into “thrills.”

We all, old and young, have the capacity to create our own stories and our own magic. You don’t need to be a writing camper to do so. You don’t need anyone’s permission. All you need is a pinch of bravery and a dash of willingness to try, and try again, and always try something new.

I don’t know about you, but I’m going to figuratively open a fresh page in my writer’s notebook, put on some Norah Jones, and get to work creating a life story that matters to me. I’m going to follow my young campers’ fearless example and do one new thing every day that thrills me.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Check out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”

• Personalized signed copies are available at WoodyWoodburn.com
• Unsigned paperbacks or Kindle ebook can be purchased here at Amazon

 My new memoir WOODEN & ME is available here at Amazon

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Some thoughts, both Fair and foul

Fair warning: some of these thoughts and observations may make your head spin like a ride on the Twirl-A-Whirl . . .

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Nobody asked me, but one of the very best things about the Ventura County Fair, which runs through Aug. 16, is the Ventura County Star’s intrepid writer – and George Plimpton-like “participatory” journalist – Tom Kisken sharing his A-to-Z fairground experiences.

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This year’s theme, “A County Fair With Ocean Air,” would not have been fitting the year one of Kisken’s experiences was cleaning out a Porta Potty.

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We have bus stations and train stations, as well as gas stations, so why aren’t airports instead called “plane stations”?

Or else why not “busports” and “trainports” to go with carports (a covered open-air garage) and seaports? Just wondering.

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Overrated: Fair rides, except for the Ferris wheel and merry-go-round.

Underrated: Fair photography and craft exhibits.

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The view from the London Eye on the bank of the River Thames takes the backseat to the panoramic vision from atop the Ventura County Fair’s giant Ferris wheel along the beach of the Pacific Ocean. Just saying.

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Just asking: Who gets more depressed by the back-to-school TV commercials and print ads – kids enjoying their summer break or teachers?

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I wonder what Kisken’s cholesterol levels are before the Fair and right after his 12-day binge on Everything Bacon, Fried, And Chocolate?

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Love this wisdom from the Dalai Lama, which applies to summer as well as the school year, weekends as well as workdays: “There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called yesterday and the other is called tomorrow. Today is the right day.”

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More inspiration, from his holiness James Bond: “I don’t stop when I am tired, I stop when I am done.”

Sounds like Kisken around Day 007 of the Fair.

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According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, the average 8- to 10-year-old spends nearly eight hours dialy on TV, video games, computers and smartphones. For older children and teenagers it tops 11 hours a day.

Experts contend that excessive screen time can have significant negative effects on behavior, school performance and health . . .

. . . and also on 3-point shooting!

Matt Bonner, a sharpshooter for the San Antonio Spurs, had his worst season from 3-point range last season and recently explained why: tennis elbow – aka cellphone-itis.

“When the new iPhone came out it was way bigger than the last one,” Bonner said. “And I think because I got that new phone it was a strain to use it, you have to stretch further to hit the buttons, and I honestly think that’s how I ended up developing it.”

Reaction I: Parents should take notice.

Reaction II: The Lakers should send Stephen Curry and Chris Paul each a new iPhone.

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Speaking of children, my much-better-half – either mistakenly or perhaps on purpose because she often says I act like a 10-year-old – bought me adult multivitamins that are “Gummies” instead of tablets.

Initial reaction: Seriously?

Second reaction: Seriously yummy!

Final thought: I wish “Gummies” vitamins had been around when I was 10.

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More food for thought: Kudos to local chef Tim Kilcoyne and his Ventura-based food truck Scratch – as well as McGrath Family Farm of Camarillo and Tamai Family Farms of Oxnard that provided produce – for helping feed 5,000 athletes and guests at the recent Special Olympics World Games in Los Angeles.

I have no connection to Kilcoyne – although, full disclosure, I might harbor a hidden agenda in dreaming of one day having a food truck or restaurant name a sandwich of my design “The Woody” – but his burgers are second to none and signature “Scratch Ketchup” is the best I’ve ever tasted.

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“A County Fair With Ocean Air” didn’t ask me, but it should add a healthy item to its menu this year. I’m thinking a “Gummies” multivitamin wrapped in bacon, stuffed inside a deep-fried Twinkie and then covered with chocolate.

I bet Tom Kisken would try it.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Check out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”

• Personalized signed copies are available at WoodyWoodburn.com
• Unsigned paperbacks or Kindle ebook can be purchased here at Amazon

 My new memoir WOODEN & ME is available here at Amazon

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These Olympics Have ‘Special’ Touch

During a quarter century as a sports columnist, I had the great fortune to cover Super Bowls, World Series, NBA Finals, Grand Slam golf tournaments and heavyweight title bouts, but when it comes to goose bumps and inspiration, no event can top the Olympics.

The Special Olympics, specifically.

Baron Pierre de Coubertin, father of the modern Olympics, famously said: “The important thing in the Olympic Games is not to win, but to take part. The important thing in life is not the triumph, but the struggle. The essential thing is not to have conquered, but to have fought well.”

Each of the many times I have attended a Special Olympics sporting event, I have witnessed a collection of athletes who personify de Coubertin’s maxim to the fullest. While their triumphs are few, their struggles are great. They did not all conquer, but they all fought well, each and every courageous one of them.

While I have yet to witness a world record fall at a Special Olympic meet, some of the competitors have. But only those who are blessed enough to be able to stand in the first place.

Something else usually falls – tears of spectators, designated huggers and even meet officials who watch the heroic efforts put forth by these truly Special Olympians.

Challenged by intellectual or/and physical disabilities, these participants don’t stand a prayer of making it to the International Olympic Games. Heavens, it is only through prayer that many of these kids and adults manage to get out of bed each morning, let alone compete athletically.

To be sure, the accomplishments by these competitors are no less golden than those of Olympic champions. More golden, perhaps. More inspirational, without doubt.

An Olympic marathon champion can cover 26.2 miles in just over two hours. Big deal. Surely it takes more heart, more grit, more determination to stagger 50 meters in barely less time than it takes to boil a three-minute egg when you do so on two legs that wobble like a newborn colt taking its first steps.

In my collage of indelible press box memories with such mental snapshots as Joe Montana leading a game-winning drive, Magic Johnson leading a fast break, and Jack Nicklaus charging on the back nine, was seeing a 12-year-old girl stumble and scrape both her knobby knees.

What really put a lump the size of an Oxnard strawberry in my throat was not the young girl’s blood, but rather her guts. She got up – with assistance – and finished what for her was a 100-meter marathon to roaring cheers and standing applause worthy of Montana, Magic or Jack at their finest.

To quote the ancient Greek hero Pheidippides: “Rejoice. Victory is ours.” Victory was hers. For her gallant effort she received a modest medallion and I guarantee you Joan Benoit Samuelson does not covet her Olympic marathon gold medal half so dearly.

To a man and boy, woman and girl, Special Olympians epitomize the organization’s lofty motto: “Let me win, but if I cannot win let me be brave in the attempt.”

For a person partially paralyzed, competing in the beanbag drop or being pushed in a wheelchair to the finish line in the 50-meter slalom – yes, at local meets there are such events – requires the same bravery as the shot put or 400-meter dash.

The Special Olympics now offers opportunity to more than 4 million participants, but its impact is best measured individually. For example, my boyhood friend Charlie’s life was enriched greatly, even into adulthood, through his involvement in Special Olympics swim meets.

Too, there is the ripple effect. My pal Gary was inspired to become a special needs physical therapist because of his Special Olympian kid brother who he calls his hero.

Beginning today, 6,500 of the most gifted Special Olympian heroes worldwide from 165 countries will gather for the 2015 Special Olympics World Games in Los Angeles. Competing in 26 sports from bowling, badminton and basketball to swimming, powerlifting and the half-marathon, their speed, strength and coordination will blow you away.

More than that, their spirit and bravery will.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Check out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”

• Personalized signed copies are available at WoodyWoodburn.com
• Unsigned paperbacks or Kindle ebook can be purchased here at Amazon

 My new memoir WOODEN & ME is available here at Amazon

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ArtWalk Will Bowl You Over

 A number of years ago, my daughter and son had the wonderful idea of buying four hand-painted Italian pottery bowls – a unique one for each family member – as a Mother’s Day gift.

Were I to tell you the price of the one bowl we ended up giving my wife you might assume we traveled to Tuscany to personally meet the artisan. We prudently decided to fill out the table setting one by one over the next three Mother’s Days.

The beautiful gift was a hit and worth the hit to my credit card. Still, eating salad – and soup, cereal, oatmeal, ice cream – from it seemed a little like hanging an original Picasso sketch on the refrigerator door with magnets. The bowl belonged safely inside a frame, so to speak, on a mantel for display – not in the sudsy sink after dessert.

Worries that my wife might break her pricey Italian bowl proved unfounded; rather, no surprise, I was the one who carelessly chipped its edge on the kitchen sink. OK, it was a surprise that I was actually hand-washing dishes.

As good luck would have it, dismay over my bad luck proved short-lived because a few a few weeks later the four of us decided to check out the annual Ventura ArtWalk. As part of the event we purchased four tickets for the Bowl Hop where patrons get to sample cuisines from a wide array of participating restaurants.

Also, for less than the price of the one Mother’s Day bowl we not only supported Project Understanding’s food pantry (which helps feed about 1,000 area residents per month) we received four one-of-a-kind ceramic bowls hand-crafted by talented local artisans.

Now in its 22nd year, the Ventura ArtWalk (visit www.artwalkventura.org for more information) will bowl you over with more than just ceramic bowls. A celebration of Ventura’s thriving arts community, the virtually free event today and Sunday features dozens of galleries and studios, and even PODS containers that have been transformed into showcases, all located Downtown and in the Westside Cultural District.

A short list includes Art City Studios, Bell Arts Factory, Buenaventura Gallery, Latitudes Fine Art Gallery, Red Brick Gallery and Studio 1317. Julie Merrill Studio, in a PODS outside Vita Art Center, will display works by Ventura watercolor artists Ann Galloway, Catherine Crowley, Tom Dase, Mary Frambach, Phyllis Lewandoski, Julie Merrill, Ramona Owen, Galina Richardson and Dean Seagren.

Additionally, Mission Park will host free musical and dance performances as well as short theatrical presentations by the Rubicon Theater Company.

“The purpose of art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls,” Pablo Picasso observed.

“Summer,” renowned art critic Jerry Saltz has said, “is a great time to visit art museums, which offer the refreshing rinse of swimming pools – only instead of cool water, you immerse yourself in art.”

I am ready to immerse myself in cool art and wash the dust off my soul.

Another PODS Gallery I am especially looking forward to diving into is at 100 E. Main St. and showcases a photography exhibition by three artists who are Patagonia employees: Kyle Sparks, Terri Laine and Kosuke Fujikura.

Laine’s pieces are especially timely as they use a tree as a harbinger to document the drought from the point of view of Lake Casitas; Sparks captures surfing and climbing escapes in Maldives; and travel photographer Fujikura escapes the modern digital era by stepping back in time and shooting on film.

In their own way, each exemplifies the view of the late, great Ansel Adams: “You don’t take a photograph, you make it.”

To my eye, and my wife and kids agree, our four Bowl Hop bowls are every bit as beautiful as was the costly piece from Italy. What is more, we don’t worry about the $25 expense of replacing one should it chip or crack. More wonderfully, despite near everyday use, all four are still providing pleasure years later.

Come to think of it, I’m long overdue to break one. I’d be wise to hop away from this weekend’s ArtWalk with a few new bowls.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Check out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”

• Personalized signed copies are available at WoodyWoodburn.com
• Unsigned paperbacks or Kindle ebook can be purchased here at Amazon

 My new memoir WOODEN & ME is available here at Amazon

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Clearing Out My Head and Inbox

 Nobody asked me, but I think it’s high time Californians changed the familiar proverb to: “The grass is less brown on the other side of the fence.”

Better yet: “The grass has been replaced with drought-tolerant plants and landscaping on the other side of the fence.”

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Underrated: Donald Trump, in Donald Trump’s mind.

Overrated: Donald Trump, even by his harshest critics.

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While it is wonderful that Scott Holloway, a physics teacher at Westlake High School, has been honored with the Presidential Award for Excellence in Mathematics and Science Teaching – the highest honor the U.S. government bestows on K-12 math/science/computer science teachers – I think it is ridiculous he and 107 fellow all-star educators were each rewarded with $10,000.

Given the importance STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics) education will play in our world’s future, shouldn’t the prize have been $100,000 if not a cool $1 million?

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Underrated (and underpaid): Outstanding teachers in any subject.

Overrated (and overpaid beyond imagination): Pro athletes, as evidenced most recently by DeAndre Jordan re-signing with the L.A. Clippers for four years and $87 million – enough to award 8,700 teachers a $10,000 bonus!

Jordan, who shoots free throws like he’s playing pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey, averaged 15 rebounds and 11.5 points per game last season, but Scott Holloway’s stat line was far more eye-opening with about 150 young minds enriched and inspired.

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My in-box was flooded following my column supporting same-sex marriage. Below is an anonymous sampling:

“The absurdity of the situation prior to the Supreme Court ruling can be summed up by the experience of our friends (names changed) Kim and Karen.

“Karen has been in the Navy Reserves for well over 20 years, so she started during the era of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell.’ Kim has been her partner for over 25 years. For much of their relationship, they had to be somewhat circumspect so that Karen did not hurt her chances for any promotions in the military.

“Karen came from a family of veterans, so she was very committed to the military. All during that time Kim was unable to partake of any benefits that would have accrued to her if they had been a ‘straight’ couple, such as use of the commissary or base hospital – benefits my wife automatically got on Day 1 of our marriage back in 1973.

“About 13 years ago, Kim and Karen decided to have a child. Karen used a surrogate, anonymous sperm donor, and Katrina (name also changed) was born. Kim immediately adopted Katrina, making Katrina the child of ‘two mommies’.

“Fast forward and per the Armed Forces regulations, at the age of 10 Katrina became eligible to get her own government ID. At that point, bada-boom, bada-bing, Kim could use the commissary and other facilities – not because she had been a partner in an over 20-year committed, loving relationship, but because she was accompanied by her 10-year-old adopted daughter. No logical sense whatever.”

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Calling my column “irritating” (which made it the most polite of the negative salvo) one diatribe included: “For me, same-sex marriage is just another step in the aggressive feelings about marriage. … It will be interesting to see what other relationships evolve from this ruling. It astounds me that the vote of one man has the ability to change the definition of a relationship that has been part of human life for centuries.”

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From the other side of the fence where this grass is rainbow colored were these two separate notes:

“Your beautiful words made this July 4th extra special for us in the Rainbow Family which joyously includes you and your wife and all of LOVE however defined between two people.”

“Your point is well taken about how my (same-sex) marriage would not affect anyone else. You’ll probably get some hate mail for your column. I know you can handle it.”

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The hate was made easier to handle thanks to notes like this from someone I admire greatly:

“Best column yet today. Thank you for standing publicly. Your voice matters to all members of our community. Reading your column made me proud to be an American today!”

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Check out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”

• Personalized signed copies are available at WoodyWoodburn.com
• Unsigned paperbacks or Kindle ebook can be purchased here at Amazon

 My new memoir WOODEN & ME is available here at Amazon

*   *   *

Rainbows Fill The Sky After Ruling

A week ago Friday, I kissed my wife goodnight while trying to hide my worry. I didn’t sleep well. I tossed and turned. We’ve been happily married for 32 years, had a good run of it with two great kids, but now what?

The warning signs my marriage was doomed were everywhere. And yet despite the hysterical Henny Penny-like cries of “The sky is falling!” I woke up last Saturday morning to blue skies and sunshine. Birds sang outside my bedroom window.

I rolled over and my wife was still beside me after all.

“Good morning,” I whispered, tentatively. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling you should get up and let Murray outside before he pees on the carpet again,” my much-better-half replied.

“I meant how are you feeling about our ‘traditional’ marriage?” I replied.

“Well, to be honest, I don’t think it’s too healthy,” she answered, feeding my fears.

“You mean the anti-same-sex-marriage Chicken Little doomsayers are right?” I asked.

“No,” my wife said. “I mean that if our marriage is ‘traditional’ where the wife traditionally does 97 percent of the cooking, laundry, cleaning, shopping and errands while also working fulltime and the husband traditionally does 97 percent of the TV watching, then yes ‘traditional’ marriage is doomed.”

“I’ll go let Murray out,” I said, making my escape.

“Thanks, honey,” my wife said. “I love you.”

Remarkably, our marriage had survived what one Chicken Little presidential candidate called “some of the darkest 24 hours in our nation’s history” following the Supreme Court of the United States’ ruling that the Constitution provides same-sex couples the right to marry in all 50 states.

Others in the Chicken Little flock sounded a similar alarm: “Judicial usurpation! The Constitution has been run through a paper shredder! The sky has fallen and crushed traditional marriage!”

Here’s my question for the Chicken Littles: How does the SCOTUS ruling in any way whatsoever affect non-same-sex marriages? I’m sorry, but I don’t see how Jessica and Julia’s marriage, or my friends Bob and John’s marriage, diminishes Ted and Tina’s marriage.

I don’t see how a gay or lesbian couple being married – and being able to visit one another in the hospital and make legal medical decisions for one another; being able to share healthcare coverage and pension benefits; being afforded so many other rights denied unmarried couples – negatively affects husband-wife marriages.

I don’t see how a same-sex marriage that provides a sense of family permanence to children negatively affects male-female marriage.

I don’t see how granting same-sex marriage a long-denied dignity instead of treating these couples like second-class citizens suddenly diminishes the dignity of husband-wife couples.

This is not to say same-sex marriage may not affect marriages between a man and a woman – positively. To see how long and hard gays and lesbians have fought for the right to marry who they love surely may inspire some “traditional” couples to not take their own marriages for granted.

Indeed, to those who say same-sex marriage has caused the sky to fall on “traditional” marriage, I borrow the words of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Heykidsgetoffmylawn Scalia: That’s pure applesauce and jiggery-pokery!

Here is more applesauce: SCOTUS ruled 5-4 and not 9-0. That’s my opinion, dissent if you please, but you are on the wrong side of history and moral justice – just like those who opposed the national legalization of interracial marriage in 1967.

The reaction to same-sex marriage’s historic victory, Chicken Littles aside, was not a sky that is falling but rather one filled with rainbows. Parades and parties had rainbow flags and banners. The White House under floodlights became The Rainbow House for a night. Twitter, Instagram and Facebook postings exploded across the Internet with more color than a kindergarten class during painting time.

Today being the Fourth of July, the immortal words of the Declaration of Independence seem fitting: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

Marriage is, above all, the pursuit of Happiness. #LoveWins.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Check out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”

• Personalized signed copies are available at WoodyWoodburn.com
• Unsigned paperbacks or Kindle ebook can be purchased here at Amazon