Author Archives: Woody

New Year’s Resolutions for 2022

by Woody

“New Year’s is a harmless annual institution,” wrote Mark Twain, “of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls, and humbug resolutions, and we wish you to enjoy it with a looseness suited to the greatness of the occasion.”

Let me use this great occasion to wish you a happy New Year and share some humbug resolutions for 2022. Feel free to borrow as you wish and, like me, break at your own pace.

I resolve to…

Keep in mind the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, who wrote: “Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year. He is rich who owns the day, and no one owns the day who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety.”

Own my day.

Try to live up to the wisdom of these lines by Rudyard Kipling: “If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster / And treat those two imposters just the same.”

Try also to treat Fret and Anxiety like the imposters they are.

Conserve, conserve, conserve water and energy.

Pass up the nearest open parking spot in order to leave it for someone, perhaps an elderly person, who might find it difficult to walk very far.

Give compliments 10 times more frequently than unsolicited advice. Make that 100 times more frequently.

Try to, as Eleanor Roosevelt advised, “Do one thing every day that scares you.” Or, at least, challenges me.

Try to be as excited about learning new things as my 3-year-old granddaughter Maya always is.

As my lodestar Coach John Wooden preached and practiced, “Make friendship a fine art.”

Heed Henry David Thoreau’s wisdom, “The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it,” and try not to exchange foolishly.

Unplug, unplug, unplug.

Read deeply from good books – and shallowly from fun books, too.

Keep in mind this wisdom from my Grandpa Ansel: “The only way to travel life’s road is to cross one bridge at a time.”

When travelling, the ongoing pandemic willing, follow my friend Ken’s sage advice: “Be sure to turn down a hidden alleyway, or go inside a quiet doorway off the beaten path, because that’s where you’ll find some of the most memorable experiences.”

Find memorable experiences in my everyday life.

Buy two of anything a kid under age 10 is selling.

Check my email inbox less frequently and write more snail-mail letters.

Shop at local small businesses first, local chains second, and buy online as a last resort.

Be quicker to forgive and slower to criticize – including of myself.

Keep a coffee-chain gift card in my wallet for when I come across someone down-on-their-luck.

Stop to smell the roses – and daydream at the clouds, savor pastel sunsets, marvel at starry night skies, and appreciate all of nature’s art.

Similarly, heed John Muir’s call to “Keep close to nature’s heart and break clear away, once in a while, and climb a mountain or spend a week in the woods. Wash your spirit clean.”

Sunscreen, sunscreen, sunscreen.

Pick up litter – and not just on Beach Clean Up Days.

Play hooky more often and go to the beach to wash my spirit clean with salt water.

Give flowers out of the blue and not just to mark special occasions.

Keep in mind the words of Wayne Bryan: “If you don’t make an effort to help others less fortunate than you, then you’re just wasting your time on Earth.”

Lastly, again as Coach Wooden advised, I resolve in 2022 to try to “Make each day a masterpiece.”

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Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn

Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn. His SIGNED books are available at www.WoodyWoodburn.com.

Personalized Signed copies of WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and  “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” are available at WoodyWoodburn.com

 

Balls Rolled In In Record Numbers

by Woody

Words fall short in fully expressing my gratitude to everyone who generously participated in “Woody’s 2021 Holiday Ball Drive.” The best I can come up with is this: whether you gave one ball, or many, you filled my heart with birdsong.

And no music was sweeter than that offered by Teagan McAllister, whose grandfather, Chuck Spence, shared this: “My 9-year-old granddaughter expressed how she wanted to help kids that were not as fortunate as herself. She has been, for quite some time, very sensitive to ‘fairness.’ ” And so it was that Teagan, with the help of her “P’Pa,” gave four soccer balls, four basketballs and two footballs.

More musical notes of kindness…

Walt Oliver and his grandsons, Brandon and Tommy Kendlinger and Elijah Ontiveros, dropped off 13 assorted balls in memory of their brother/cousin Michael Kendlinger who “supported the Ball Drive the past several years and recently passed away.”

Some of the gifts for kids!

Randi and Scott Harris donated six balls; Shelly and Steve Brown passed in four balls; and Connie and Stephen Halpern donated one ball.

“Because our nine grandkids have enough!” Max and Sherry Stovall donated 28 assorted balls.

In memory of local coaching legend Bob Tuttle, five basketballs were donated by 99-year-old Arlys Tuttle and her children Gary Tuttle, Gayle Tuttle Camalich, Trudy Tuttle Arriaga and Toni Tuttle Santana.

Legendary coaches Mickey Perry and Joe Vaughan and their Perry-Vaughan Basketball Camp donated 10 basketballs.

“In loving memory” of his father, Coach Harold McFadden, Steve McFadden gave three basketballs, one volleyball, one soccer ball “and, of course, a football.”

Christine Weidenheimer donated six balls; Bob Vrtis gave four balls; and Anna and Tom McBreen kicked in one soccer ball.

Bob and Bev Millhouse donated three balls “to add some Christmas spirit to kids in memory of our son, Michael Obradovich, a USAF and Fresno firefighter, who left this world too early and is loved and remembered daily.”

Audrey, Julie and Chris Hein donated 10 soccer balls; neighbors Irma Paramo and Kay Handlin added five balls; and Lauren Siegel gave three balls.

Audrey Rubin donated two balls “in gratitude for the blessings of my two amazing grandkids who are masterpieces in my life” while Jim and Sandie Arthur similarly donated three balls – “one for each of our stellar grandchildren.”

Jim Barrick donated a dozen balls; Fran and Kate Larsen gave four balls; and Katherine and Frank Anderson gave three balls.

Carol and Laurie Fredericks gave 10 balls; Nancy and Eric Reynolds passed in two balls; and Brad and Mia Ditto donated 10 balls.

A Santa’s Samaritan, who wished to remain anonymous, organized a team of first-name only all-stars who together donated 150 soccer balls and 50 basketballs. They are: Juan, Alma and Alma, Rick, Achilles, Jace, Rose, Deb, Pam, Shaun, Will, Maddie, Mike, Lane, Ruth, Michael, Rachel, Dave, John, Lee, Michelle, Steve and a trio of friends from the St. John’s Bosco Class of 1973: Phil, Mike and Steve.

“There’s no better feeling than to be able to help a child in need,” said David Willson, who donated six basketballs while Leslie De Los Santos also donated six basketballs in remembrance of her father, Arthur Seifert.

Draza Mrvichin passed in eight balls; Sheila and Vivienne Raives donated six balls; and Rebecca Fox gave one ball “in memory of Jim Cowan, my first boss.”

Chuck and Ann Elliott donated five basketballs “in honor of former Ventura College-and-NBA star Cedric Ceballos and his successful COVID fight, as it was his generosity that helped inspire the Ball Drive.”

Cristina Kildee donated four balls in memory of her “fur baby, Bear” who she “recently had to say a sad goodbye to.”

Doris Brown donated three soccer balls, noting: “We can’t all be shining stars, but we can all twinkle a little” while Mike and Bob Bryan twinkled a lot by donating 20 of each: basketballs, soccer balls and footballs.

Maya McAuley gave five basketballs, as did Kym King.

Special thanks to my Santa’s helpers and sleigh drivers: Denelle Rutherford, Lisa Barilone, Josh Spiker, Clint Garman, and Lisa Woodburn.

And now, the final tally for 2021 is … drumroll, please … a whopping 891 gift sports balls, surpassing last year’s previous record by nearly 100 children’s smiles!

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn. His SIGNED books are available at www.WoodyWoodburn.com.

Personalized Signed copies of WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and  “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” are available at WoodyWoodburn.com

 

 

A Stack of Books to ‘Yes, Read!’

by Woody

While I sometimes fall short in my quest to read a book a week for the calendar year, in 2021 I reached the goal with two weeks to spare.

This year’s 52-and-counting tally doesn’t include the approximately 502 books I read to my 3-year-old granddaughter, including these recommendations from Maya: “Change Sings: A Children’s Anthem” by Amanda Gorman; “The Boy Who Spoke to the Earth” by Chris Burkard; “Grumpy Monkey” by Suzanne Lang; and “No, David!” by David Shannon.

As for my favorites, here is a tall stack of “Yes, Read!”

“One Long River Of Song,” a posthumous collection of short essays by Brian Doyle, is a gem that next had me picking up one of his novels. “The Plover” is such a spellbinding seafaring tale that I will soon be visiting his backlist further.

Colson Whitehead, a two-time Pulitzer Prize winner, once again displays his storytelling mastery in his new 1960’s era “Harlem Shuffle” about thievery, and humanity, while Bryce Courtenay’s “The Potato Factory” is a terrific tale about a likeable London con artist in the 19th Century.

I dare say one need but be a runner to be captivated by “The Slummer: Quarters Till Death” by Geoffrey Simpson. Taking place in 2083, athletics – and society – has been divided into genetically designed “elites” and “slummers” who were born the old-fashioned way.

“The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry” by Gabrielle Zevin is a charming story that takes place in a bookstore. Meanwhile, I owe my thanks to Ventura’s charming “Timbre Books” for tipping me off to the engaging, funny and sometimes heartbreaking “The Last Taxi Driver” by Lee Durkee.

“A Tree Grows in Brooklyn” by Betty Smith is a young girl’s coming-of-age story that is slow-paced in the very best of ways. Also taking place in Brooklyn is “Snow In August,” a touching tale about an unlikely friendship by Pete Hamill.

Fans of “chick lit” will surely love “Writers & Lovers” by Lily King because even though the genre isn’t my cup of tea I greatly enjoyed this novel.

Even at nearly 600 pages, Amor Towles’ “The Lincoln Highway” will have you wishing this 1954 road trip of memorable characters would travel along a little further.

Meanwhile, “The Busker” by Brooks Rexroat is thin at 153 pages, but thick on entertainment. This Grand Prize Winner of “The Great Novella Contest” (whatever that is) is an underdog, hard-luck tale about a guitar-playing teen.

Stephen King’s “Billy Summers” is a flat-out, fast-paced, page-turner, road-trip story about a hitman you’ll find yourself rooting for and “The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry” by Rachel Joyce is about another road trip, albeit taken by foot, that you will want to tag along on.

Speaking – rather, reading – of road trips, somehow I had never before buckled in with Jack Kerouac’s classic “On The Road” but I am glad I finally did.

“One More For The Road” by the late, great Ray Bradbury is a marvelous collection of short fiction while “The Sun is a Compass: A 4,000 Mile Journey into the Alaskan Wilds” by Caroline Van Hemert chronicles a remarkable nonfiction off-the-road trip.

If you twisted my arm to name my favorite book I read this year, I would cry “uncle” and give you a toss up between these three novels: “The Midnight Library” by Matt Haig; “The Four Winds” by Kirstin Hannah; and “City of Thieves” by David Benioff.

In closing, a thought from Groucho Marx: “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.”

For that, I recommend a backlit e-reader.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn. His SIGNED books are available at www.WoodyWoodburn.com.

Personalized Signed copies of WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and  “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” are available at WoodyWoodburn.com

 

 

Gift of Giving Balls Bounces Back

by Woody

“The gift is to the giver and comes back most to him,” wrote the wise, and Santa Claus-bearded, Walt Whitman. “It cannot fail.”

Star readers who have given to “Woody’s Holiday Ball Drive” for local disadvantaged youth are experiencing the unfailing truth of the above sentiment. As Sally and Tom Reeder shared: “We had the most glorious day yesterday buying a total of 16 various balls to donate for Christmas – and none of them need batteries!”

Alan and Kathy Hammerand, who donated three each basketballs, soccer balls and footballs, noted similarly: “Being able to assist kids in having sports balls available for their enjoyment is a great way to get the holiday season started on a very positive note.”

Ben Coats, after dishing out a baker’s dozen of basketballs, said without any sugar coating: “I hate the idea of kids having a lousy Christmas.”

A mountain of gifts from “Woody’s Holiday Ball Drive.”

Here are some more generous Star readers who have replaced lousy lumps of coal with new sports balls…

Lucie and Rick Estberg donated two basketballs and two soccer balls.

Allison Johnson donated a basketball in honor of her brother Michael Demeter.

Bob Wisma gave kids a high-five in the form of two footballs, two basketballs and one soccer ball.

Howard Reich passed in an assortment of 15 balls and Lynne and Don Steensma donated eight more.

Jeff Barks gave two each basketballs and soccer balls; Joey Siddens donated one soccer ball and one basketball; and Steven and Theresa Yamamoto passed in one volleyball and one basketball.

Dan and Judy Dugan donated eight basketballs and Mickey and Lynne Harris donated four basketballs.

Susan Adamich gave one basketball and one wish: “To make a happy Christmas for a child out there.”

Wendy Spasiano donated an assortment of 21 balls and Thomas and Karyne Roweton passed in three balls.

Kay Morgan and her husband donated 20 softball-and-mitt sets.

Bobbie and Dave Williams donated two soccer balls and two basketballs and Diane Hunn did likewise.

Tim and Cindy Hansen donated a mesh bag as big as Santa’s toy sack filled with 10 balls.

Jerry and Linda Mendelsohn, and their numerous grandchildren, made it a family affair by teaming up to “lovingly provide” 10 basketballs and 10 soccer balls.

Sharon Martin kicked in two footballs and three basketballs while Rick and Mary Whiting gave two each soccer balls and basketballs.

Charis Werner was a triple triple-threat donating three each basketballs, soccer balls and footballs.

“I can imagine all the kids enjoying their gift balls,” noted an anonymous donor who gave a dozen baseballs in honor of his dad and 10 basketballs in remembrance of Jim Cowan.

Judy Magee-Windle dished out four basketballs and Steve and Bobbin Yarbrough gave two basketballs.

Kay Giles and Michael Mariani kicked in six soccer balls while Lucie and Charles Estberg gave one volleyball, football, soccer ball and basketball.

Glen Sittel, who gave three balls, echoed Walt Whitman’s opening quote by noting: “Knowing so many kids will receive these ideal gifts makes the gift of giving so worthwhile.”

There is still time to give holiday smiles by dropping off new sports balls at a local Boys & Girls Club, YMCA, house of worship, youth group – or to Jensen Design & Survey at 1672 Donlon St. in Ventura, 93003 (9 a.m. to 5 p.m. through Dec. 17) and I’ll take it from there. Online orders can be shipped to the same address.

Also, please email me about your gift woodywriter@gmail.com so I can thank you in this space and add your generosity to this year’s final tally that will be shared here on Christmas Day.

 *   *   *

Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn. His SIGNED books are available at www.WoodyWoodburn.com.

Personalized Signed copies of WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and  “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” are available at WoodyWoodburn.com

 

 

Holiday Balls Roll And Bounce In

by Woody

Jim Parker, my former longtime colleague in The Star sports department, lived up to his journalistic nickname “Swami” by peering deeply into his crystal ball and donating two basketballs seven months before my column ran kicking off “Woody’s Annual Holiday Sports Ball Drive.”

Also getting any early jump on the ball was JoAnn Bowen, who threw a party this summer to welcome home her granddaughter, Brooke, from Paris. JoAnn asked each reveler to bring a new sports ball and the result was 17 holiday gifts for local disadvantaged children.

More donations have begun to flood in…

Peggy and Paul Graham gave one football and one basketball; Karen and Dave Brooks kicked in two footballs, two basketballs, one soccer and one volleyball; and Peter Hochschild’s family donated a mix of 27 balls.

Some of the gifts for kids!

Ann Cowan donated 10 basketballs in honor of her late husband, Jim, who had done similarly for nearly two decades. Making it a family affair, John Cowan donated another five basketballs in remembrance of his dad “and the good times I had in VYBA and playing basketball all the way through high school.”

Kent Brinkmeyer passed in four basketballs; Lynn Kenton donated three basketballs; and Chuck Russell donated one basketball.

“When my two sons were growing up, I was fortunate to be able to provide the sports equipment they needed,” noted Kelly Lanier, who donated an assortment of 13 balls. “I hope these balls can help some boys and girls to be able to participate with the same joy and learn the same valuable lessons.”

The Lewis Family – Tom and Jan, and daughters Cory, Emily and Maddy – also donated 13 gifts, all basketballs while Sandra Janotta, and her coworkers at J & H Engineering, tossed in three volleyballs and two basketballs.

Despite being diagnosed with diabetes back in January; a month later being hospitalized for two weeks with COVID-19; then “hitting the trifecta,” as he puts it, with cancer surgery in September and now undergoing chemotherapy, Nick Sarris turned his focus off his own troubles to donate a cornucopia of 70 balls.

“It has been sort of overwhelming, but I will win,” Nick shared. “This whole health merry-go-round has been filled with uplifting positives in a bad situation – I have been carried on the shoulders of some wonderful people. The ball donation is just me relishing the chance to pay back some of the goodness/blessings I’ve received. It just might make some kid’s day a masterpiece.”

Nick’s generosity and positive attitude warmed my heart, but he also put tears in my eyes. Remembering a column I wrote back in July about my wife and I losing a child to a late miscarriage 18 years ago, a daughter we would have named Sienna, he noted: “My donation is in your Sienna’s honor. She is more than just a special memory, she is a source of goodness. She will be responsible for a few more smiles, which is always a good thing. Thank you for the opportunity to honor her and to provide a little happiness to other kids through her.”

There is still time to provide a little happiness to more kids by dropping off new sports balls at a local Boys & Girls Club, YMCA, church, youth group – or to Jensen Design & Survey at 1672 Donlon St. in Ventura, 93003 (9 a.m. to 5 p.m. through Dec. 15) and I’ll take it from there. Online orders can be shipped to the same address.

Also, please email me about your gift at woodywriter@gmail.com so I can add your generosity to this year’s growing tally.

 *   *   *

Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn. His SIGNED books are available at www.WoodyWoodburn.com.

Personalized Signed copies of WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and  “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” are available at WoodyWoodburn.com

 

 

“Holiday Ball Drive” Kicks Off

by Woody

Editorials are generally as disposable as the newsprint on which they are printed, and yet one that appeared in The New York Sun in 1897 might as well have been carved in granite because it remains relevant and favored well over a century later.

Headlined “Is There a Santa Claus?” it began with a letter from young Virginia O’Hanlon:

“Dear Editor –

“I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says, ‘If you see it in The Sun, it’s so.’ Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?”

The Sun’s reply included the now famous line, “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus,” and continued: “He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence.”

A mountain of gifts from “Woody’s Holiday Ball Drive.”

Indeed, how dreary would the world be with no Virginias – and, alas! no Sarahs, Davids and Briannas. Those are the names of just three fabulous kids who have contributed in past years to “Woody’s Holiday Ball Drive” that kicks off once again today to give sports balls to local disadvantaged youth.

Indeed, 10-year-old Sarah emptied her “Jar of Chore Money”; 14-year-old David used his birthday gift cards; and 9-year-old Brianna collected and redeemed recyclables for a full year; all to buy a small sleighful of gift balls to donate.

The seed for this endeavor was planted about 25 years ago at a youth basketball clinic when former Ventura College and NBA star Cedric Ceballos awarded autographed basketballs to handful of lucky attendees. Leaving the gym afterward, I happened upon a 10-year-old boy who had won one of the prized keepsakes. . .

. . . which he was now dribbling on the rough blacktop outdoor court, and shooting baskets with, all while perhaps imagining he was Ceballos with the game clock ticking down to the final buzzer.

Meanwhile, the real Ceballos’ Sharpie signature was of course wearing off.

Curious as to why the boy had not carefully taken the trophy basketball home to put safely on a bookshelf, I interrupted his playing to ask.

“I’ve never had my own basketball,” he answered matter-of-factly between shots.

At Christmastime, visions of that boy – and other boys and girls like him, who don’t have their own basketball to shoot or soccer ball to kick or football to throw – danced through my head. So I asked you dear readers to help make the holidays happier and you responded like champions.

Once again, I am asking you to drop off new sports balls (no batteries required!) at a Boys & Girls Club, YMCA, fire department or house of worship. The organization’s leaders will see that they wind up in deserving young hands.

Also, through Dec. 15, you can handoff your bouncing gifts at Jensen Design & Survey at 1672 Donlon St. (weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.) near Target on Telephone Road in Ventura; or have online orders shipped to the same address; and I will take it from there.

If you participate, please email me at woodywriter@gmail.com so I can add your generosity to this year’s tally.

Together, we can prove The Sun’s long-ago words still ring true: Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and ball-giving MVPs – Most Valuable Philanthropists – exist.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn. His SIGNED books are available at www.WoodyWoodburn.com.

Personalized Signed copies of WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and  “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” are available at WoodyWoodburn.com

 

Thanksgiving Tale From Childhood

by Woody

Serendipity smiled, winked as well, and made me laugh earlier this week by bringing one of my favorite Thanksgiving memories to mind.

To begin, my two-weeks-shy-of-three-year-old granddaughter told me, with a grin and a giggle, all about “Pete The Blue Cat” who is a character in one of her books. It is actually from the award-winning “Pete the Cat” series by James and Kimberly Dean, but dear Maya calls him “Pete The Blue Cat” for obvious reasons.

I, in turn, shared with Maya a story about my grandparents’ cat, Pete, an orangey-blonde tabby who I obviously renamed “Pete The Orange Cat” in my retelling.

Before proceeding with that tale, let me share some further literary serendipity. The very day before Maya’s conversation about “Pete The Blue Cat,” I had read her a new book via video chat, as I often do, since she lives in the Bay Area.

Titled “I Want My Hat Back” by Jon Klassen, it won the Theodore Seuss Geisel Honor and is about a bear who, as you can guess, has lost his cap. Throughout the pages he asks a series of animals he encounters, “Have you seen my hat?”

The fox, frog, rabbit, turtle, snake and armadillo are of no help and eventually the bear laments: “Nobody has seen my hat. What if I never see it again? What if nobody ever finds it? My poor hat. I miss it so much.”

At long last, a deer asks the bear what his hat looks like.

“It is red and pointy and…” the bear answers.

Which brings me back to my Thanksgiving memory. We had enjoyed a full feast, complete with a variety of at least six home-baked pies because my Grandma Mabel loved to make everyone’s favorite, and were getting ready for the 45-mile drive home.

“I can’t find my hat,” six-year-old me announced with emergency in my voice.

I asked everyone – my two older brothers, younger sister, mom and dad, Mabel and Grandpa Ansel – if they had seen my hat, but no one had. No one needed to ask what my hat looked like because I wore the Davy Crockett coonskin cap, complete with ringed tail,  everywhere except in the shower.

A search party was organized and the entire family looked low and high, upstairs and downstairs, with no luck. Pop, anxious to get on the road before the holiday traffic, and Ohio’s winter weather, got too bad, finally said we had to go.

Nobody has seen my hat, I surely sniveled. What if I never see it again? What if nobody ever finds it?

Grandpa soothed my woes by promising he would keep looking until he found it and would bring it when he and Mable came to our house for Christmas dinner. Trailing the rest of my family like a sad little caboose, I trudged towards the front door.

My poor hat. I miss it so much.

Suddenly, Mabel sang out excitedly, “Here it is! I found it!” She had spotted the tip of the tail of my coonskin cap poking out from beneath the dining room table’s formal tablecloth that draped all the way to the floor.

Mabel reached down to retrieve the Davy Crockett hat and . . .

. . . MEOWWW-HOWWWL!

She had yanked Pete The Orange Cat’s striped tail!

My pouty lower lip instantly gave way to laughter.

I won’t spoil the ending of the book “I Want My Hat Back” for you, but my tale of that long-ago Thanksgiving evening concluded with all of us giving belated thanks we weren’t Pete The Sore-Tailed Cat.

 *   *   *

Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn. His SIGNED books are available at www.WoodyWoodburn.com.

Personalized Signed copies of WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and  “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” are available at WoodyWoodburn.com

 

Hole Leads To Whole New Beauty

by Woody

Imagine a teenager looking in the mirror while getting ready for prom and seeing an eyesore pimple. That’s the kind of chill I felt the other day when I put on my favorite pullover and spotted a small hole, impossible to miss, in the front.

Understand, I have had this wool, olive green, quarter-zipper, vintage Patagonia pullover for close to two decades, and have babied it for half that time trying to extend its life as long as possible. As a result, it has spent more time inside a dresser drawer than out in the world, which is not a good thing.

Also as a result, it has made more than its share of appearances at happy gatherings and special events, which is a good thing. The unsightly new blemish, however, promised to retire Ol’ Green from marquee billing.

While age finally claimed its youthful beauty, I did not want the small hole to get stretched and pulled and torn into a larger one. “A stitch in time saves nine” but, alas, my skill with needle and thread is limited to sewing a button back on a shirt. Meanwhile, my wife felt the emotional pressure of a surgeon being asked to operate on a loved one and begged out.

My next thought was to ask my dear Betsy Ross-like friend Kathy. I wish you could see her handiwork on Ol’ Green. Darned if her darning isn’t masterful. The interwoven needlework is nearly invisible.

In truth, I’m actually glad the repair is slightly visible. I say this after thinking about the Shakers who were renowned for their furniture design and craftsmanship, yet deliberately introduced a “mistake” into the things they made in order to show that man should not aspire to the perfection of God. Flawed, they believed, could be ideal.

Ol’ Green is now similarly ideal.

Navajos, echoing the Shakers, purposely weave a single imperfection into their handmade blankets. To their eyes this makes the blankets more, not less, beautiful. In his terrific book, “Blood and Thunder: The Epic Story of Kit Carson and the Conquest of the American West,” author Hamptom Sides elaborates on this mindset:

“Navajos hated to complete anything – whether it was a basket, a blanket, a song, or a story. They never wanted their artifacts to be too perfect, or too close-ended, for a definitive ending cramped the spirit of the creator and sapped the life from the art. So they left little gaps and imperfections, deliberate lacunae that kept things alive for another day.

“Even today Navajo blankets often have a faint imperfection designed to let the creation breathe – a thin line that originates from the center and extends all the way to the edge, sometimes with a single thread dangling from its border. Tellingly, the Navajos call the intentional flaw the ‘spirit outlet.’ ”

Henceforth, I will take the Shakers’ and Navajos’ perspectives to heart when I wear Ol’ Green and embrace its repaired imperfection as a “spirit outlet.”

“Kintsugi” also comes to my mind, which is the Japanese practice of repairing broken pottery with seams of gold and, in the process, making the object even more beautiful for having been broken. That is exactly how I feel about my beloved pullover.

From now on, instead of saving Ol’ Green for special occasions I am going to wear it regularly. And when future holes and “spirit outlets” appear, and surely they will, I may ask Kathy to perform her seamstress wizardry with gold thread instead of perfectly matched olive.

Ol’ Green-and-Gold will then be even more beautiful than ever.

 *   *   *

Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn. His SIGNED books are available at www.WoodyWoodburn.com.

Personalized Signed copies of WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and  “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” are available at WoodyWoodburn.com

 

Turning Fall Clock Way, Way Back

by Woody

Clocks get turned back an hour Sunday, but a dear near-centenarian pen pal of mine jumped the gun by turning the calendar pages back many decades.

Actually, Doris is my “typewriter” pal for she always types her letters to me. She is a superb typist, by the way, with her most-recent two-page missive having only two corrections made in black pen – an extra s crossed out and a 9 turned into a 0 – which is about double her average of misstrikes.

I thought Doris’s latest delightful correspondence deserved a wider readership than just me, so here is an excerpted dose of Ventura history and nostalgia.

“You asked about the location of the high school campus, so I may just chatter here about the Ventura I remember. I was born up on a hill, Three Sisters Hospital or something like that.

“I attended the Mill School thru first grade, then E.P. Foster, then The Avenue School. That building was located sort of behind where Santa Clara and Main Street meet, and I do not know when it disappeared. Grades 7-10 and the last two years of high school were at the present-day Ventura High School building on Main Street.

“At that time the building also had JC classes. As you can imagine, for girls especially at about twelve years of age, going to another school where there were also SIXTEEN-year-old girls was a major adjustment. So there were sponsors (tenth-graders, of course, so very sophisticated and all) for the younger girls. I had one and later became one – recently an acquaintance told me her mom said I was her sponsor and she remembered me. I don’t even remember me at all at sixteen!!

“My dad was also born in Ventura. He was friends with so many people and it was enjoyable to feel like I had an extended family when I would walk down the street and an older person would say hi to me — especially Emilio Ortega, the handsome postmaster!

“I loved my childhood even with all of the ‘deprivations’ of the Depression and then World War II. We always had very little, didn’t need more, and if we had a bit less we didn’t notice. I do know it helped that my dad was always lucky to have a job, whereas so many were not so fortunate. He worked for the Southern Counties Gas Co., and we lived on Lewis Street, which was a very nice neighborhood.

“So, see what happens when you ask a simple question. In answer to your other question about my typewriter: Now I have a Lexmark (IBM) and I have no idea the year of its manufacture. I will have it go to the Neptune Society with me, it is so dear to me.

“At twelve, I received a Smith-Corona portable in a dandy case. I believe it went to college with my son Rick after I taught all of my kids to be handy with it and I moved along from Underwoods to IBMs — Selectrics and an Executive. I did have a computer, but had no room here for it and find I can live quite comfortably as long as this machine sticks with me.

“Sometime I will tell you about my experience typing the California Bar exam for a Stanford Law School graduate, way back in the mid-1950s.” Added in handwritten black ink: “He did pass!”

Typing again: “As you can see, these 96-year-old fingers are plum wore out!!”

Then, in closing, in Palmer Method cursive as smooth as warm maple syrup: “Love, Doris”

 *   *   *

Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn. His SIGNED books are available at www.WoodyWoodburn.com.

Personalized Signed copies of WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and  “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” are available at WoodyWoodburn.com

 

Happy For Trick-or-Treaters Return!

by Woody

“If you can blow this balloon up with one breath you win a brand-new Cadillac,” the doctor told me just before I was to have my tonsils removed.

Considering I would not be old enough to get a driver’s license for another 12 years I would have preferred the promise of a toy Matchbox car. All the same, I accepted the challenge and inhaled the deepest breath of my young life . . .

. . . and woke up in a hospital bed wondering when the operation was going to happen.

“It’s all over,” my mom told me. “Do you want some ice cream to soothe your throat?”

I have since had more surgeries than I care to remember – wisdom teeth, kidney stone, entrapped nerve, deviated septum, cervical disc fusion – and each time I emerged from anesthesia’s fog I could not believe time had passed and the operation had already taken place.

That is sort of how I feel about the past year and half during the COVID-19 pandemic. Like it was spring of 2019 and I took a deep breath of anesthesia and suddenly I have awakened to autumn 2021.

Instead of having my tonsils or a kidney stone removed, I had birthday celebrations and holidays gatherings, concerts and vacations, all removed from the calendar. I bet you feel likewise.

Perhaps the best example I can give is a wedding of some young friends. One day my wife and I were ready to go to the big event and the next thing you know we were attending the reception for their pandemic-altered marriage ceremony that had actually taken place on Zoom over a year ago. And yet at the grand and greatly belated in-person celebration it seemed as if they had just said their vows minutes earlier.

I don’t know about you, but one of the biggest events I missed while being under pandemic-thesia was Halloween. Perhaps more than any holiday, Halloween is a time machine that transports me happily backwards. Hearing little voices sing “trick-or-treat” reminds me of walking my own two kids around the neighborhood.

Halloween also magically transports me to my own youth. Indeed, seeing a tiny Batman makes my mind flash back to when I taped a yellow bat insignia on a black sweatshirt and pinned a bath towel around my neck to go trick-or-treating when I was six. Age seven, too, for I loved Batman.

Trick-or-treaters at my front door pull up memories from a couple years later when my best friend Dan and I finished our rounds and then changed into second costumes before going back to the houses that were giving out full-sized candy bars.

Even my bad Halloween memories have become good ones with the passing of time. Like when Adam stole my pillowcase loaded with sugary bounty. To clarify, Adam wasn’t a boy bully, he was a black Labrador the size of a grizzly who lived in our neighborhood. Even though he was a gentle giant, when he came running at me I dropped my loot instead of taking any chances with his sweet tooth.

Because of coronavirus, not unleashed Adams, no little princesses and superheroes and goblins came knocking on my door last Halloween. Happily, this promises to change Saturday evening because the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has given children the green light to again go trick-or-treating.

I cannot wait. My porch light will be welcomingly on and I’ll have a wheelbarrow’s load of full-sized candy bars ready to hand out, two at a time, to make up for last year.

 *   *   *

Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn. His SIGNED books are available at www.WoodyWoodburn.com.

Personalized Signed copies of WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and  “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” are available at WoodyWoodburn.com