Author Archives: Woody

Some Things I Think I Know…

by Woody

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is available at Amazon (click here), other online retailers, and orderable at all bookshops.

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The mile marker of a birthday is a good time for reflection and so today, four days before beginning my sixty-sixth lap around the sun, here are a few things I have come to know…

Always double-knot your shoelaces.

Never pass up a barefoot walk on the beach.

Love is more powerful than penicillin.

Never ever pass up a chance to gaze at a sunrise, or sunset, or rainbow.

Always take the opportunity to gaze at the stars on a clear night – or at Starry Night and other masterpiece paintings.

Speaking of art and masterpieces, these two bookend John Wooden-isms will carry you far: “Make friendship a fine art” and “Make each day your masterpiece.”

Who you travel with is far more important than where you travel.

All the same, Robert Frost was right: Take the road less traveled by.

Even if wrongly attributed to John Muir, this advice is also right: “Of all the paths you take in life, make sure a few of them are dirt.”

Don’t save the good china plates and crystal goblets and heirloom silverware only for special occasions.

Do spend as much time as you can with people who lift you up and as little as possible with those who pull you down.

Writing a thank-you note, or handwritten letter, is always a few minutes well spent.

A good many movies and books are too long, but most hugs are too short.

A positive attitude will positively carry you far.

Never pass up a chance to hold hands with a boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife or partner, child or elderly.

“I’m sorry” can be as healing as “I love you.”

Don’t let your fears outweigh your dreams.

One minute of encouragement following a defeat or painful failure is worth far more than an hour of accolades and praise after a triumph or big success.

Artificial Intelligence worries me, but not half so much as Real Stupidity does.

The value of a compliment is often underrated by the giver, but is rarely underappreciated by the recipient.

This African proverb is right: “There are two lasting gifts you can give your child: one is roots, the other is wings.”

Do unto others as you would have them do unto your children or grandchildren is a better Golden Rule.

We can always make room for one more at the dinner table, or in our heart.

Maya Angelou was right: “When you leave home, you take home with you.”

The best travels, and life journeys too, often wind about a bit crookedly.

Even a “bad” road trip will give you some good memories to last a lifetime.

It is not truly a favor if you make a person feel like you are doing them a favor.

It takes worn-out running shoes to finish a marathon; worn-out brushes before you can paint a masterpiece; burnt pans to become a seasoned chef; and blistered fingertips to master the guitar.

Some of my very favorite adults seem like they are just tall children.

No matter your age, never pass up a chance to ride a Ferris wheel or carousel.

If you can be world class at only one thing, make it kindness.

JFK was right when he said, “One person can make a difference and everyone should try.”

My dear friend Wayne Bryan is even more right: “If you don’t make an effort to help others less fortunate than you, then you’re just wasting your time on Earth.”

Don’t waste your time on Earth.

Stopping to smell the roses is never a waste of time.

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Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is now available in paperback and eBook at Amazon (click here), other online bookstores, and is orderable at all bookshops.

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Woody writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn.

Beautiful Mosaic of Memorial Rocks

by Woody

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is available at Amazon (click here), other online retailers, and orderable at all bookshops.

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Some people have rocks in their head.

Others have hearts of stone.

And then there is a recent visitor to Ventura, a man of Baby Boomer age and reportedly from New York, who was caught on video proving he suffers from both sedimentary maladies.

Imagine a vandal toppling gravestones in a cemetery and you get an idea of what this king of jerks from Queens did at the memorial rock garden that graces a raised cement planter along our beach promenade.

Specifically, The Jerk ruthlessly threw into the ocean some of the beautiful rocks decorated to honor lost loved ones. Watching the detestable act, posted widely on social media, made my heart feel like it had been stung by a hundred jellyfish.

If you have never visited this special garden of stones, you are missing out. It is one of the loveliest little jewels of a place you can image, affording a view of the ocean and the music of breaking waves and this sunny greeting on a tiny sign: “Welcome to Haole’s Memorial Rock Garden / Please leave memorial rocks for all to enjoy!”

Haole was a dog, a Yellow Lab albeit with white fur, who was famous because he surfed. Indeed, Haole once appeared on “Good Morning America” and also stars in a book, “Ride the Wave: Love Sofia and Haole the Surf Dog,” which is the true story of how he helped teach a little girl with Down syndrome to “walk on water.”

After Haole died five summers past, the memorial garden was planted with its first rock and today blooms with many hundreds, if not a thousand or more. The mini-markers come in many sizes and shapes, although most are round or oval, and more than a few are heart-shaped. Almost all are pleasingly smooth as if selected with great care.

What makes these stones true gems is they are hand-painted with flowers and hearts, sunsets and rainbows, paw prints and palm trees, angel wings and crosses, with R.I.P. wishes and other heartwarming messages along with the names of loved ones – pets, yes, but also human moms and dads and spouses and siblings and friends. Many are true works of art and all are works from the heart.

Together, this colorful avalanche creates a mosaic worthy of comparison to a stained glass window in a church, which is fitting because this comely corner of the seaside seems like an outdoor temple. As such, it is common to see people – pedestrians and cyclists and rollerbladers; alone and in couples and small groups – stop and visit, pause and ponder, remember and pray. Some search for the rocks they have previously left here while others leave new stones now.

One rock in Haole’s memorial garden is especially dear to me because I know its honoree as well as the artist, my 6-year-old granddaughter, who lovingly decorated it. When Maya learned that my good friend Nick’s dog recently crossed the rainbow bridge, she found a stream-polished rock, palm-sized and oval; cleaned it and painted on swirls of deep blue and sea-glass green, and added white stars; then, in her neatest kindergarten printing, in black marker wrote: “Henry.”

Coincidentally, Henry’s rock was placed at the southernmost tip of Haole’s garden, precisely where The Jerk committed his briny desecration. I went to check and was relieved to find “Henry” still resting in peace in view of the Ventura Pier. I hope the memorial stones that were tossed into the ocean can be, or have been, retrieved at low tide.

One Jerk cannot wipe out Haole’s four-legged legacy.

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Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is now available in paperback and eBook at Amazon (click here), other online bookstores, and is orderable at all bookshops.

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Woody writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn.

Special Delivery for Mother’s Day

by Woody

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is available at Amazon (click here), other online retailers, and orderable at all bookshops.

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The first Mother’s Day gift I remember giving my mom was a bouquet of flowers fashioned in first grade from colored tissue paper and pipe cleaners, plus gobs of paste, and a bigger glob of love.

Mom, naturally, acted as thrilled as if it were a dozen long-stemmed roses because that’s what moms do.

The final Mother’s Day gift I gave my mom, 33 years ago – more than half my lifetime – was a store-bought bouquet. More importantly, I delivered the lovely flowers in person; most importantly, they came with a hug. She might have preferred a single dandelion and a bouquet of hugs.

These bookend reminisces bring to mind a story I once heard, perhaps apocryphal, that seems fitting to share ahead of Mother’s Day.

Harry was an extremely successful, and extremely busy, businessman. The Friday before Mother’s Day, when his secretary phoned in sick, he suddenly realized he had forgotten to have her order flowers for his mom. He would now have to take care of the matter himself and made a beeline on foot to a florist shop two blocks from his office.

The owner began to show him a variety of special arrangements, but Harry was in a hurry. Truth is, he was always in a rush. In the business world, after all, time is money. He hastily ordered one dozen long-stemmed red roses to be delivered two days hence on his mom’s doorstep 200 miles away.

“Those are for my mom,” Harry noted, adding: “Give me another dozen of the same, wrapped to-go, for my wife.”

Exiting the shop, with his attention already focused again on work, Harry collided with a young boy stooped down to lock up his bicycle.

“You nearly tripped me!” Harry snarled.

“I’m sorry, sir,” the boy apologized, then added bravely: “Can you lend me three dollars?”

“Don’t you mean give you three dollars?” Harry acerbically corrected. “You aren’t planning to pay me back. Why do you need three dollars anyway?”

“Today’s my mom’s birthday and I want to buy her a beautiful flower,” the boy explained. “But I don’t have quite enough money.”

Harry’s heart softened, slightly, and he asked the boy where he lived.

“About five minutes that way,” replied the boy, pointing down the street.

By now Harry had pulled out his wallet, withdrew three singles from within, then a new idea came to him. He put the crisp bills back and plucked one of the roses from the bouquet for his wife – surely she would not notice – and handed it to the boy.

“Give this beauty to your mom,” Harry offered with a wink.

“I’m gonna take this to her right now!” the boy said and promptly hopped on his bike and began to ride off – in the opposite direction of where he had indicated that he lived.

“Hey, son, I thought your house was that way,” Harry grumbled, gesturing.

“It is,” the boy replied. “But the cemetery is this way – my mom died last year.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Harry said, his voice cracking.

Eleven heartbeats of silence passed, one for each rose in Harry’s hand, before he spoke again. Handing the boy the remainder of the bouquet, he said: “Please put them all on her grave.”

“Really? Wow!” said the boy, his face beaming. “Thanks, mister!”

After the boy pedaled away Harry wheeled around and went back inside the florist shop.

“I need to cancel that out-of-town delivery I just ordered,” Harry said. “Instead, I would like two dozen roses right now, please, to-go. I’ve decided to deliver them today personally.”

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Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is now available in paperback and eBook at Amazon (click here), other online bookstores, and is orderable at all bookshops.

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Woody writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter

Music To This Beach Boy’s Ears

by Woody

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is available at Amazon (click here), other online retailers, and orderable at all bookshops.

From Woody’s column archives, winter of 2021, evoked by last week’s nighttime spring showers…

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Ask one hundred people to name their favorite piece of music and you are likely to get a different answer from each, from the Beatles to Beethoven, from country to classical, from Amadeus to Zeppelin.

This question came to mind the other night as a much-needed Southern California rainstorm was drumming madly on my rooftop and rat-a-tat-tatting against my bedroom windowpanes. Buddy Rich nor Keith Moon ever played more magnificently.

Rain is such a lovely lullaby, I thought, and before fully drifting asleep, cocooned warm and dry beneath a Hudson Bay blanket, I considered nature’s songs further. Reaching back in time, back to my youth in Ohio, back to humid summer weekends at our family’s modest cabin with a nearby pond and a not-far-off lake, I conjured up another magical melody: the chirping of crickets; joined occasionally by bullfrogs croaking their basso notes a short walk away; and in the distance, much less frequently, eerie-but-beautiful lonesome howls of coyotes.

Moreover, instead of counting sheep to fall asleep one could count a cricket’s chirps for 15 seconds, add 40 to that number, and arrive at an approximation of the outside temperature in degrees Fahrenheit.

Winter nights, where winters are truly winters, have their own soundtrack for inducing slumber. If you listen closely, eyes-closed closely, I swear you can hear snow falling. Rather, I suppose, one actually hears an absence of noise as the snow muffles out all but the loudest of sounds. All the same, it is a beautiful lullaby indeed for as Mozart noted: “The music is not in the notes, but in the silence between.”

Nearly as hushed as snowfall and softer than tap-dancing rain, with a cadence slower and more soothing than a cicada’s summer song, is to fall asleep to the whispered breathing of someone next to you. Here, too, the music is in the silence between notes, between inhalations and exhalations.

And yet, pressed to choose only one song to drift off to, I will opt for a percussion performance of waves crashing on the beach. Even in daylight, this is my favorite music, but at nighttime the ocean’s anthem is mesmerizingly magnified tenfold.

One of the magical properties of music is that it is a time machine. Hearing a specific song can instantly transport us back to where we were—and who we were—when we first heard it and listened to it frequently.

Such was the case for my wife’s recent birthday when our family, all seven of us, rendezvoused at a rented beach house in Avila Beach—or “Vanilla Beach,” as three-year granddaughter Maya renamed it—for a weekend celebration.

During the daytime, the cymbal-like crashing waves were largely drowned out by talking and laughing and all other goings on of life. But at night, after the moon rose and Goodnight Moon had been read to Maya and we had all later likewise retired to bed, the surf raised its volume pleasantly. Again, the music was as much in the silence—the sea rising into a gentle swell, rising into a wave, rising into a vibrating crest—between muffled oceanic thunderclaps.

Again I was transported back in time, back to 1972, back to age 12 when I spent the full summer at Solimar Beach with my godparents. For a kid from the Midwest who had never before seen any ocean, falling asleep nightly to the Pacific’s pacifying cadence was even better than listening to a rooftop symphony of rain or a concert of cicadas, coyotes, and bullfrogs.

All these years later, the surf’s song remains my favorite lullaby.

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Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is now available in paperback and eBook at Amazon (click here), other online bookstores, and is orderable at all bookshops.

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Woody writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn.

Charlotte’s web proves mesmerizing

by Woody

Woody’s bebut novel “The Butterfly Tree” is available at Amazon (click here), other online retailers, and orderable at all bookshops.

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On the French Riviera, in little Villefranche-Sur-Mer, which is a short train ride from Nice, there is a seaside bar – or brasserie – appropriately named “The Good Mood” because how could one not have some helium in their heart while enjoying a glass of wine or pint of beer at an outdoor two-top table overlooking a postcard bay filled with sailboats aplenty and a few swimmers, with gentle waves rolling onto a picturesque beach populated by frolickers and sunbathers.

And so, were I asked to describe the café or pub or brasserie with the most-beautiful view I have ever experienced, I would be strongly tempted to answer The Good Mood or else a good-mood-inducing bar on the beach in Kona, Hawaii…

…but, at the risk of seeming overly provincial, I would ignore these temptations and offer forth MadeWest Brewing Company’s location atop the iconic Ventura Pier with its sweeping panoramic view of the ocean and Channel Islands afar, and near shore surfers doing their water dancing and beachgoers strolling and kids building sandcastles and teens tossing Frisbees and adults playing volleyball and on and on. And, oh yes, a sunset on the French Riviera is, in my experience, a pale imitation of the painter’s palette of colors routinely brushed across our coastal sky with Anacapa and Santa Cruz islands turning purple in the background.

In a good mood myself recently as I savored this masterpiece scenery and sipped an award-winning Hazy IPA, my focus unexpectedly narrowed and nature’s beauty became lost on me like someone turning a blind eye to a museum’s showing of Monet masterpieces.

What stole my attention was Charlotte. Now, I do not know if that is really her name, but I imagined it to be. I do know that I stared at her for the longest time, rudely long, long enough to have a second pint largely as an excuse to keep from taking my eyes off her.

Oh, I should mention that Charlotte was a spider. She was on the other side of the window directly before me, as close to my eyes as my computer screen is as I write this, and was building a new web. She began by rappelling from an eave, like an expert rock climber, while spinning a bridge line to serve as the anchor.

Charlotte proceeded to move up and down, and back and forth, adding thread after thread in all directions. She did this seemingly with the innate calculations of an MIT engineer, even accounting for the salty breeze to swing her sideways; with the skill of a Chiricahua basket weaver; with the grace and pace of Picasso filling a canvas.

The easy onshore winds, while adding difficulty to her chore, might also prove advantageous by helping guide flies into the finished death trap. The location was further ideal because, come evening’s darkness, the lights inside the window might attract moths.

I do not know what Charlotte dined on that night, but I did stay long enough to see her delicate tapestry woven to masterful completion. In the span of barely more than an hour, the central hub grew from the size of a beer coaster to big as my splayed hand to larger than a dinner plate.

And here is the most amazing thing about this Charlotte’s web; just as author E. B. White’s famous Charlotte wove the messages “Terrific”, “Radiant”, “Humble”, and “Some Pig” into her web, my happy hour buddy spun into hers “Better View Than The French Riviera” and “Some IPA.”

Admittedly, my vision was by now a little Hazy.

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Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is now available in paperback and eBook at Amazon (click here), other online bookstores, and is orderable at all bookshops.

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Woody writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn.

Advice for Easter Egg Hiders, Seekers

by Woody

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is available at Amazon (click here), other online retailers, and orderable at all bookshops.

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From Woody’s column archives, April of 2011…

Word to the wise from someone who learned the hard way: always, always, always triple count the Easter eggs before hiding them. An errant tally can result in the belief that all of the dyed eggs have been found only to discover, thanks to your complaining nose, one overlooked-too-well-hidden rotten hardboiled egg a few months later.

My second piece of advice for this coming Easter Sunday festivities is aimed not for adult egg hiders, but rather for little egg hunters. It is wisdom shared with me more than half-a-century ago by my two older brothers.

Growing up in the 1960s most everything my big bros did I wanted to do. I idolized them even more than I did Batman and Superman, no small thing considering I used to wear a bath towel pinned around my neck like a superhero cape to kindergarten.

In many ways, Jimmy and Doug were father figures to me. How to hold the laces just right and throw a football spiral, they taught me. How to shoot a basketball with backspin and block out for rebounds using your butt and elbows, they taught me.

How to ride a two-wheeler, they taught me that, too, taking turns running beside me holding the seat to help me balance until after a while—and without me realizing it—I was wobbling on my own down the sidewalk as they watched and cheered me on.

Around the block I continued, solo, but when I triumphantly came back around, Jimmy and Doug were gone. Mom had called us all inside for dinner. Unfortunately, my brothers had neglected to give me instructions on how to use the coaster brakes and stop. So around the block I went a second time, and a third, and still no one was waiting to help me safely stop without falling.

Falling, of course, is how I eventually braked and, knee scraped, broke into tears. It was not the first, nor last, time my brothers played a role in my waterworks. One memorable time was when they convinced me I had “upside-down ears.” My anguish was magnified because their description was pretty much on target. They even stuck ears wrong-side-up into Mr. Potato Head and declared it my new twin.

While Jimmy and Doug picked on me at times, they would not let anyone else get away with dong so. Indeed, I always knew they had my back in big ways and small. An example of the latter was the annual Easter Egg Hunt at our elementary school where the huge playground field was awash with Styrofoam eggs in rainbow colors plus a few rare golden ones that earned a special prize.

As you can imagine, when the whistle blew there was a mad dash and instant mayhem 20 strides from the starting line as youngsters greedily swarmed to gather up the first eggs they came to.

I would have joined this early feeding frenzy had Jimmy and Doug not coached me to race straight to the far fence, a hundred yards away, as fast as my 6-year-old legs would carry me because they knew from experience that was where the prize-winning eggs always lay. Sure enough, while other kids filled their baskets with way more bounty, I triumphantly—and annually—came back with a coveted Willy Wonka Golden Ticket egg.

So, kids, listen to my big brothers and sprint to the far end of your Easter egg hunts. The young me was certainly glad I didn’t let this sage advice go in one of my “upside-down ears” and out the other.

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Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is now available in paperback and eBook at Amazon (click here), other online bookstores, and is orderable at all bookshops.

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Woody writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn.

Column Reader Is A Real Clown

by Woody

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is available at Amazon (click here), other online retailers, and orderable at all bookshops.

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To extend the metaphor from this space a week ago, my email inbox spilled over with responses about my column headlined “Having a laugh over spilled milk.”

Before proceeding with one note in particular that tickled my funny bone, let me backtrack and quote that column’s meandering opening sentence to set the stage for what will then follow:

“Imagine a tiny car in a circus where clown after clown after clown climbs out, a veritable boxcar’s worth of clowns emerging in all, and you get an idea of what happened when I carelessly knocked over a tall drinking glass while reaching for the breakfast menu and a tsunami of iced tea, a gallon wave impossibly squeezed inside a 16-ounce plastic tumbler, washed over the entire tabletop before cascading onto my lap and vinyl booth seats and tile floor.”

Tim Torkildson, who lives in Provo, Utah, came across my words after Googling the keyword “circus” as he routinely does, and kindly responded: “Dear Mr. Woodburn, I congratulate you on your colorful and whimsical comparison of a clown car with a tall glass of cascading iced tea. It summons up a fetching image that I enjoyed. So thanks for that.”

Here is where his letter, and fine storytelling, made my cup runneth over with mirth…

“As a garrulous retired professional circus clown I cannot help sharing the briefest of memories with you of the real clown car. The one I was stuffed, crammed, and pummeled into at Ringling Brothers some fifty years ago.

“It was a Gremlin hatchback, and after stripping the interior we managed to fit fifteen clowns into it. As one of the tallest buffoons in clown alley, I was assigned the very bottom-most tier. With fourteen other bodies piled on top of me.

“It was a mobile Black Hole of Calcutta. Those above me wriggled, sweated, belched, and farted. Since I was the first one in, I was naturally the last one out. And believe me, when my turn came at last I shot out of that benighted Gremlin like a bat out of purgatory. Gasping and panting, I was knocked on the head with a foam rubber truncheon by the whiteface constable and then smacked in the kisser with a shaving cream pie.

“It was a cramped and messy entr’acte, repeated twice a day and three times on Saturday. The day I left Ringling Brothers to join an international pantomime troupe in Mexico I hooted out loud like a maniac loon at the thought of no more buttocks thrust willy-nilly into my mug.

“And now, a half-century later, with bad knees and a bad back, as I recline in my Barcalounger, I kinda miss it…”

I further learned that Torkildson, aka Dusty the Clown, is the son of a bartender; grew up in Minneapolis; and in high school, during his senior year, was accepted to Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Clown College.

After his Ringling Brothers heyday and Mexico nights, Dusty says he performed as a “merry andrew”—a person who amuses others by ridiculous behavior—at countless venues, from schools and prisons to Disneyland and even played Ronald McDonald, “to keep bread on the table and the wolf from getting too far inside the door.”

Just as the happier image of a Gremlin door forced shut with 15 big-shoed clowns shoehorned inside made me laugh, Dusty’s lovely closing to his note made my heart spill over with nostalgia as I felt 8 years old again and under the Big Top for the first time: “May all your days be circus days.”

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Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is now available in paperback and eBook at Amazon (click here), other online bookstores, and is orderable at all bookshops.

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Woody writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn.

Laughing, Not Crying, Over Spilled Milk

by Woody

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is available at Amazon (click here), other online retailers, and orderable at all bookshops.

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Imagine a tiny car in a circus where clown after clown after clown climbs out, a veritable boxcar’s worth of clowns emerging in all, and you get an idea of what happened when I carelessly knocked over a tall drinking glass while reaching for the breakfast menu and a tsunami of iced tea, a gallon wave impossibly squeezed inside a 16-ounce plastic tumbler, washed over the entire tabletop before cascading onto my lap and vinyl booth seats and tile floor.

And yet—here is the surprise twist—the blunder actually enhanced a most wonderful morning of a day that was a masterpiece by noon.

Already, you see, I had been to the dermatologist because my pale and troublesome Irish complexion requires frequent precautionary screenings.

“Nothing in life is so exhilarating,” Winston Churchill quipped, “as to be shot at without result.” Personally, I think the man nicknamed “The British Bulldog” was barking up the wrong tree—nothing in my life is so exhilarating as to have a history of various skin cancers and then get a checkup without result.

This examination worthy of celebration was capped off when, as I was leaving the office building, a teenage boy a few strides ahead of me went out the glass front doors, suddenly stopped and spun 180-degrees like a basketball star making a swift and graceful pivot move, and came back to hold the door open for me—a small nicety, to be sure, but also a welcome one that is too rare.

Onward next to brunch at a gem of a café I had never before been to, to meet a dear friend who was in town briefly from across the country. Arriving early because my dermatology appointment went so well, and so quickly, I had time to cause the ice-tea waterfall. In two ways this mishap added to, not subtracted from, the goodness of my morning.

First, this mishap sent my thoughts back in a flash to a lunch when my daughter was 5 years old, possibly 6, and for the second “Daddy Daughter Date” in a row she toppled a towering glass of lemonade while coloring the kids’ menu. Sensing her rising chagrin and embarrassment, I reactively—and purposely—knocked over my own drink and fairly sang, “Oh, silly me! I made a bigger mess than you did!”

The only tears over our spilled milk, so to speak, were from us both laughing so fully.

I did not spill a second glass at Café 126, I am happy to share. I am happy to share, too, that my server could not have been kinder in downplaying the extra work my clumsiness created for him. Instead, he promised it would not be the last such accident of the day while cheerfully mopping up the mess.

Enter my friend to a welcoming hug and a clean and dry booth, never the wiser of my goof; followed by good food and a gooder (not a word, but should be) visit that flew by much too quickly; and, goodest (again, should be standard usage) of all, was when her eyes misted up while telling me how deeply she enjoyed my novel “The Butterfly Tree.” She being an author of acclaim, her praise was birdsong to my soul.

As I finish writing this I will soon be heading off to a happy hour with my goodest friend, by coincidence he is also a gifted writer, and it seems like the perfect bookend to a masterpiece day would be if I accidentally—or accidentally with a wink—spilled my first pint.

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Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is now available in paperback and eBook at Amazon (click here), other online bookstores, and is orderable at all bookshops.

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Woody writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn.

Airborne Kites Make The Heart Soar

by Woody

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is available at Amazon (click here), other online retailers, and orderable at all bookshops.

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From Woody’s column archives, June 2019…

On a recent afternoon with springtime in the rising breeze, something else wonderful was in the air: a kite.

Shortly, a second kite took flight as well.

Like bookends separated by a row of volumes, these two park scenes played out with an hour sandwiched between. Each vignette made me smile. Together, they made my heart soar to the clouds.

Before proceeding, a third kite bears mention – this one flown a quarter-century ago by my daughter, then age four. It was her first kite and she had impatiently waited many days for the wind to be steady enough for a maiden flight.

If memory serves, and I am certain it does for this remains a cherished image, My Little Girl skipped to the park while happily singing from the film “Mary Poppins” these happy lyrics: “Let’s go fly a kite and send it soaring. Up through the atmosphere. Up where the air is clear…”

After getting her 99-cent rainbow kite airborne, I handed the string to My Little Girl and her reaction, along with a beaming smile, was this: “Daddy, it feels like catching a big fish in the sky.”

This was a wonderful observation considering My Little Girl had never yet felt the tug of a fish.

Which returns me to the first kite I sighted this spring. Another little girl, perhaps six years old instead of four, was flying a triangle decorated with a unicorn instead of a rainbow. Watching from afar, I readily imagined she also was likely thinking of fishing in the sky…

…because instead of holding a spool of cotton string, this little girl controlled her kite with nylon line spooling out from a fishing rod. What an ingenious father she has, I thought.

Too, I thought back to climbing a tree to retrieve My Little Girl’s rainbow kite after the cheap string snapped and it fluttered into the clutches of a high branch. After the rescue, we promptly went to a kite store and bought nylon “rope” as she called the heavier string.

Time passes, but not all things change. The little girl with the unicorn kite tethered by fishing line seemed as excited as if Christmas morning arrived on a shining June afternoon. When the breeze held its breath too long, she skipped off to retrieve her fallen unicorn; held it overhead; then giggled when her father got the kite back up where the air is clear.

I could have watched this all afternoon, but too soon the happy pair departed hand-in-hand.

Not five minutes later, a second kite flyer arrived and the contrast could hardly have been more striking. Now I watched a gentleman, in his seventies I guessed, and alone, sailing a stunt kite without a fishing reel but with multiple strings that allowed him to make it zigzag and spin and even dive to within inches of the grass before soaring again.

Again, the fishing metaphor was clear for the gentleman was wearing a flannel shirt, stained pants, and brim hat that begged to be decorated with tied flies. Sitting in a folding beach chair, he seemed to belong lakeside or on an ocean’s pier.

As the gentleman flew his kite, seated patiently as if waiting for a big fish to strike his line, my mind returned to the little girl I had just seen; and then to My Little Girl; and in turn one more lovely thought…

…I imagined the gentleman’s mind was also wandering, carried back in time on the spring breeze to memories of flying a kite with his own little girl.

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Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is now available in paperback and eBook at Amazon (click here), other online bookstores, and is orderable at all bookshops.

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Woody writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn.

Oh Brother(s)! A Couple Book Tales

by Woody

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is available at Amazon (click here), other online retailers, and orderable at all bookshops.

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In honor of National Reading Month, which was designated in honor of Theodor Seuss Geisel, more famously known as Dr. Suess, who was born on March 2 in 1904, let me share a couple of personal book tales.

The other day, in a major bookstore on a prime shelf and displayed front-facing like a bestseller, I spotted my debut novel “The Butterfly Tree.”

“And what happened, then?” you might ask, reciting from a Dr. Suess book which continues: “Well, in Whoville they say that the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day”—similarly, I confess, did my head grow-grow-grow.

Shortly thereafter, however, a sharp needle popped my overinflated ego when I came upon another book of mine—my memoir “Wooden & Me” about my longtime friendship with Coach John Wooden – in a secondhand bookshop, in the rear of the labyrinth of stacks on a high shelf, only its spine visible sandwiched between two other orphaned books.

Out of curiously I looked inside to see how much it was selling for and despite being “signed by the author,” as noted in light pencil in the top right corner of the title page, it was marked at less than half the cover price new.

Adding a bruise, the author—me—had personalized the inscription “For Lorraine” and suddenly I did not like her even though I have no idea who she is.

It was all a good reminder of this cautionary maxim from Coach Wooden: “Talent is God given, be humble; fame is man-given, be thankful; conceit is self-given, be careful.”

Frankly, the surest anecdote for conceit is to grow up with two older brothers, or so I believe from boyhood experience. If I had a great youth basketball game and bragged about how many points I scored, Jimmy and Doug, five and three years my elders, would see to it I did not score a single basket the next time we played hoops in the driveway.

Similarly, when I won a tennis tournament and proudly put my first-ever trophy on display on the fireplace mantle in the family room, by day’s end it had it magically moved into my bedroom. When I later repeated the transgression, my brothers put much bigger football trophies on either side of my suddenly puny-looking one.

Lesson learned.

A number of years ago, when I was writing sports for a newspaper in Torrance, the advertising department ran a billboard campaign with me juggling a variety of balls, two golf clubs, a tennis racket and hockey stick, with the proclamation: “Columnist Woody Woodburn: He Writes. He Scores. South Bay’s Best.”

Because I was commuting from Ventura, no one in my family saw the billboards. Until, that is, the managing editor mailed me a framed photo of one. My wife and two kids were mildly upset I had not told them about the ads.

“You never asked me if I was on a billboard,” I joked in reply.

In truth, the thought of coming home and announcing, “Guess what? I’m on a couple of giant billboards!” never crossed my mind. Oh brother(s), no! That impulse was wrested from me at age ten.

Had these billboards been in Ventura, Jim and Doug, to make sure my head in real life did not grow three sizes, would have been tempted to climb up in the dark of night and paint a mustache on me or change “He Scores” to “He Stinks!”

And so, instead of being hurt by faceless Lorraine, I am just happy the signed book hadn’t originally belonged to Jimmy or Doug.

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Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is now available in paperback and eBook at Amazon (click here), other online bookstores, and is orderable at all bookshops.

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Woody writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn.