Monthly Archives: March 2021

Imagining a COVID Victory Day

by Woody

It remains one of the most iconic American photographs of the 20th century, of World War II specifically, a single image telling a thousand joyous words.

The black-and-white picture, taken by Alfred Eisenstaedt and published in Life magazine, was snapped in New York City’s Times Square on August 14, 1945 – “V-J Day” – after the news came of Japan’s surrender that effectively ended the war.

Close your eyes and, especially if you are old enough to be on the current COVID-19 vaccination age eligibility list, I bet you can see it in your mind’s eye right now:

In the middle of the crowded street that looks like a New Year’s Eve celebration albeit in daylight, a sailor in a dark uniform and white cap kisses a woman wearing a white dress, white stockings and mid-heeled white pumps. It is not just a peck kiss, but a swooning smooch that seemed choreographed by Hollywood.

The sailor leans the nurse slightly backward, pulling her close with his right hand on her arched back while his left arm cradles her shoulders and neck, and plants the kiss. As if in a romantic movie, she lifts one foot with bended knee behind her. In the background another sailor and a group of older women look on with amused smiles.

This famous photograph has been on my mind ever since the vaccinations for COVID-19 started ramping up. While coronavirus has certainly not surrendered, or been defeated, the end of this pandemic war is at least finally imaginable.

Yes, “V-S Day” (Victory over Stay-and-shelter Day) and “V-Q Day” (Victory over self-Quarantining Day) and “V-PJ Day” (Victory over wearing Pajamas every day Day) are imaginable.

In fact, it seems to me that each day now becomes a Victory Day worth celebrating for those who get their two vaccines – or one shot with the Johnson & Johnson.

Instead of kissing a stranger on the street, different iconic moments are happening as day by day more and more of us are celebrating our own Vaccine Day victory…

Grandparents are hugging their grandchildren for the first time in many months, if not for the first time in a full year.

These same grandparents are as well often hugging their own children for the first time in ages.

Senior citizens are happily embracing friends and fellow residents in assisted living facilities.

Uncles are hugging nephews and nieces, and nephews and nieces are hugging aunts, and aunts and uncles are hugging each other as well.

Some school children are even safely hugging their vaccinated teachers and, I imagine, teachers and principals and custodians and coaches are all embracing each other as well.

On and on, day by day, a parade of people are having 1945 Time Square moments in 2021.

Coincidentally, or thanks to what one of my dear friends calls “a god wink,” a random playlist on my computer recently played a Billie Holiday song from 1944 wartime titled, “I’ll Be Seeing You.” The lyrics, like the kissing photo, make me think of the happy days COVID-19 vaccines are making possible.

The song goes, “I’ll be seeing you … in all the old familiar places that this heart of mine embraces … in that small café … the children’s carousel” and so on. Of course, seeing in one’s imagination, as Holiday sings about, can’t compare to seeing each other in person without social distancing.

So if you have been vaccinated, or when you finally are, I urge you to have a little fun and recreate your own Times Square-like celebratory kiss – or, if more appropriate, a hug.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn. His SIGNED books are available at www.WoodyWoodburn.com.

Personalized Signed copies of WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and  “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” are available at WoodyWoodburn.com

Things I (And Others) Can’t Stand

by Woody

If you were expecting 600 words of maple syrupy sweetness this morning, put down the newspaper and go video-chat with your grandma – and get out of your pajamas bottoms first! I’m in an annoyed I-made-pancakes-and-oops-we’re-out-of-syrup kind of mood.

Actually, one thing has me smiling. I came across #1thingicantstand on Twitter and it turns out I’m not alone in my complaints about #manythingsicantstand. Here are some actual Tweets of common pet peeves plus a few from @WoodyWoodburn mixed in.

“1thingicantstand is 40 registers – 3 of them open.”

“Gas prices.”

@WoodyWoodburn: Changing the clocks twice a year – let’s pick one (Daylight Saving Time gets my vote) and stick with it!

“When u let someone borrow something and u never get it back, or u get it back broken, or u gotta ask for it back.”

“A LOUD cell phone convo in a public place.”

“People who talk talk talk talk but never listen.”

@WoodyWoodburn: Calamari.

“There’s actually a lot of things I can’t stand – ignorance, bullying, lying and cheating are a few examples.”

“1thingicantstand is people who chew gum like cows.”

“People who complain more than they appreciate!”

@WoodyWoodburn: 2thingsicantstand are facemasks – when people don’t wear one and also when they wear one that is a really cool fashion statement that makes my mask look lame.

“ ‘Username or Password is wrong’ – tell me which one!”

“Telemarketers and Spam (both kinds).”

“1thingicantstand is people who look at the cup half-empty instead of half-full. Be positive!”

“pouring a bowl of cereal all hyped – then finding no milk.”

@WoodyWoodburn: when someone says “no problem” or “no worries” instead of “you’re welcome” in reply to a sincere “thank you.”

“You ask me for a starburst and you automatically expect a red one? No, you’re getting a yellow one.”

“1thingicantstand is people littering.”

“When my teacher calls my name knowing that my hand isn’t raised.”

@WoodyWoodburn: 1thingicantstandis when I load dirty dishes into the dishwasher without realizing it’s already clean.

“1thingicantstand – low battery on my phone.”

“people being mean to one another. We are all in this life together. Treat others like you’d want to be treated.”

“a slow driver in the fast lane.”

“Missing a green light because the fool in front of you doesn’t know how to turn.”

@WoodyWoodburn: Getting takeout for dinner and forgetting to check inside the bag at the restaurant only to get home and find half the order is wrong.

“1thingicantstand is sunglasses worn when the sun’s not out.”

“When an airline loses your luggage & they give you an airport food voucher – snacks are nice but I can get my (stuff) back?”

“seeing Ugg boots in 100-degree weather.”

@WoodyWoodburn: 100-degree weather.

“1thingicantstand is when i’m watching a movie for the first time and someone tells me what’s going to happen.”

“When ppl act all spiritual on Sundays, but Monday-through-Saturday they be doing the worst/fakest!”

@WoodyWoodburn: Ppl who park straddling the line taking up two spaces.

“When people go back with their ex. It’s like buying your clothes back from Goodwill – there’s a reason you got rid of them.”

“1thingicantstand is rude people.”

@WoodyWoodburn: Comments that begin as a compliment and then comes the “but…”

“people who don’t admit they’re WRONG even when they KNOW they are.”

“Single-use disposable plastic, of course!”

“the fact that people take elevators to go up or down one floor.”

“1thingicantstant is cold French fries.”

@WoodyWoodburn: soggy fries, too.

Lastly, a Tweet I fear seeing after today from one of my three loyal readers: “1thingicantstand is columnists who get others to write a column for them.”

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn. His SIGNED books are available at www.WoodyWoodburn.com.

Personalized Signed copies of WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and  “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” are available at WoodyWoodburn.com

Readers Deliver Paperboy Memories

by Woody

Today’s column is being delivered the old-fashioned way, by paperboys – rather, former ones – who flooded my email inbox with their own memories in response to my newspaper-throwing tale last week.

“On days when the paper was thin,” Bob Escobedo shared, “I would fold each copy of The Star-Free Press one extra time, making it skinny like a hammer handle. This added velocity and accuracy to my throws. I busted many a screen door in my time.”

Bart Bleuel had a similar confession: “Your column brought back memories of my paper route days. As I remember, my target was the milk bottles on the porch rather than the doormat. Yeah, I didn’t get all that many tips.”

“Tossing accuracy shows up in tips at collection time,” Dick Baldwin echoed, “but sometimes the wind does bad things to a toss and off it goes to who knows where?”

“Substitute Don for my older brother, and you for me,” wrote Brian Ford, “and I lived your story. You only forgot to mention the extra hassle with inserts!”

“I, too, was a paperboy back in the days of The Star-Free Press,” Larry Alamillo recalled fondly. “If memory serves me right, I had around 110 customers. I divided my route with my brothers. We would end at a certain intersection and ride home together. That job taught me responsibility, dependability, perseverance and many business lessons to boot.”

“I had a paper route when I was 12 and living in Nebraska,” John Acevedo wrote. “I recall being delayed on my route once because of a dog pack. It was a standoff – them at one end of the street, me on the other! I finally won when they dispersed.”

Dick Pillow’s paperboy days started out going to the dogs before he was rescued. He shared: “Being a lower middle class boy in a windy, dusty little town in the south plains of the panhandle in Texas, I was in the middle part of the seventh grade when I got my first regular-paying job.

“It was great getting up in the morning, going to the front of the Post Office, getting my papers, preparing them for delivery and walking to deliver them. Yes, I had no bike and no means of getting one.

“After a month or so of this, my supervisor found out I had no bike and was delivering the papers on foot. He felt sorry for me, I guess, so a few days later when I went to get papers – guess what? The most beautiful old, used bike was there with the papers! It was one of the happiest days of my life at that time. He left a note saying the bike was $8 and he would deduct $1 from my pay until it was paid off. I can tell you I took the best care of that bike that anyone could.”

Lastly, from the star of last week’s column, Don McPherson: “Boy, you nailed it for me and anyone who had a paper route. You took me right back to that Stingray and zig-zaggin’ the streets.

“The timing was perfect – I was going through a stack of old saved newspapers the day before. They were the old wide format and were a heavier paper from the ’80s and ’90s. I showed Patricia how these were good folding papers and tried to show her what a pro I was at folding them. I started to go into the tri-fold vs. the double-fold, but she has heard it before.

“Here’s to our youth experiences and the Ventura of old. Cheers.”

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn. His SIGNED books are available at www.WoodyWoodburn.com.

Personalized Signed copies of WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and  “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” are available at WoodyWoodburn.com

Horseshoes and Thrown Newspapers

by Woody

This morning, like most every morning, I will start the day by getting down on my knees.

Not in prayer, but to retrieve My Favorite Newspaper from beneath my car in the driveway. Actually, sometimes I do wish to God my arms were a little longer so I could reach the newspaper without having to move the car out of the way.

I cannot help but think my newspaper carrier is having a little fun on his early-morning rounds, like he or she is playing a version of “horseshoes.” A toss that skids to a stop dead-center out of reach is a “ringer” and anywhere else under the car is a “leaner.”

It simply cannot be by accident that roughly five newspapers a week are leaners and at least one is a ringer. Tom Brady wishes he had such an accurate arm.

Before we had our front lawn replaced with drought resistant landscaping, having the paper wind up shaded by the car was actually welcomed because it kept the newsprint safe and dry from the morning sprinklers. Truth be told, I still look forward to seeing if our carrier has hit the horseshoe stake each morning.

Tossing a newspaper from a moving car or pickup truck and hitting a driveway, much less a bull’s-eye under a car, is no small feat. But one of my great boyhood friends could top that by landing a newspaper on a front porch, and even on the “Welcome” doormat, while pedaling a stingray bicycle at full speed.

Indeed, Don could make perfect throws overhanded, backhanded, side-armed and I think even behind-the-back. He was like Pete Maravich on a fastbreak, but on a bike. This was way back when My Favorite Newspaper was still called The Star-Free Press and was an evening paper, except for Sunday mornings.

One of the casualties of most newspapers switching to morning publication seven days a week was the necessity of replacing paperboys and papergirls with adult carriers. I say this because kids with paper routes, thanks to the dedication and responsibility instilled, always seemed to grow up to be standout adults. Don, for example, became Ventura City Fire Chief.

On occasion I would help Don fold and rubber-band his 100 or so newspapers, me doing one for every four or five he did, before loading them into a huge double-pocketed canvas bag he strapped to the handlebars of his stingray.

I will never forget the first time Don asked me to sub for him. He gave me the list of addresses, including certain houses that had to be “porched” meaning the newspaper couldn’t simply be tossed onto the driveway, and a couple homes where it needed to be tucked inside the front screen door.

It took me ten times longer than Don would have needed, but eventually I got all the newspapers folded and rubber-banded and loaded into the canvas bag. I excitedly rode off, tossing newspapers like Frisbees, and everything was going fine until Don’s stingray became squirrelly and …

… a house or three later, my throw threw me off balance and bike and rider crashed and fell.

Don laughed his great laugh the next day when I told him about my mishap. I had learned the hard way something he forgot to mention: be sure to take the papers alternately out of the left and right sides of the canvas bag or else it will slowly grow imbalanced in weight.

In other words, like the straw that breaks the camel’s back, one too many extracted newspapers topples the bike.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn. His SIGNED books are available at www.WoodyWoodburn.com.

Personalized Signed copies of WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and  “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” are available at WoodyWoodburn.com