Amos Bronson Alcott, an 18th century teacher and writer – and, famously, father of Louisa May Alcott, who wrote the very good book “Little Women” – once observed: “That is a good book which is opened with expectation and closed with profit.”

In 2022, in my annual quest to read a book a week, I have to date triumphantly opened 59 covers with expectation but admittedly closed quite a few without profit. Moreover, because I tend to be as stubborn as a grease stain in my insistence to always finish a book, I closed a fistful feeling a debt of time wasted.

But my hardheadedness has its limits and twice this year I gave up on novels after about 50 pages. After all, as French essayist Joseph Joubert wrote, “The worst thing about new books is that they keep us from reading the old ones.” Surely the same is true of books, old or new, that are the reading equivalent of scrubbing a floor.

I’m sure you are wondering the titles of the two books I threw the sponge in on. My lips are sealed for I would sooner insult a meal at friend’s home than publicly disparage a book. Most likely the blame lies with my finicky palate, not my hosts’ culinary skills; on my reading tastes, not the author’s storytelling.

Mark Twain was of the same mind, although with exceptions, noting: “I haven’t any right to criticize books, and I don’t except when I hate them. I often want to criticize Jane Austen, but her books madden me so that I can’t conceal my frenzy from the reader; and therefore I have to stop every time I begin. Every time I read ‘Pride and Prejudice’ I want to dig her up and bat her over the skull with her own shin-bone.”

Hence, I offer this enthusiastic book blurb for both of the books I abandoned: “Mark Twain would surely compare (title here) to ‘Pride and Prejudice’!”

When I do close a book with profit, I generally will try another one by the author – and, oftentimes, another and another and so on. Indeed, it is a delight to discover a writer you haven’t before read who gives you such a thrill you gobble up the rest of their titles like a literary Pac-Man. Brian Doyle did that for me late last year after reading, and recommending here, “One Long River of Song”. This year I devoured six more of his offerings, all of which I enjoyed, notably the novels “Mink River” and “Martin Marten” and most especially “Chicago: A Novel”

On the other hand, if I feel like swinging a shinbone as Mr. Twain did, I will usually leave the author be. One exception, however, is Elizabeth Strout. Despite being greatly disappointed with “Oliver Kitteridge”, for which she won the Pulitzer Prize, I in turn read “My Name is Lucy Barton”, “Olive Again” and “Oh William!” and liked them no better.

I finally concluded Elizabeth Strout is my Twain-ian Jane Austen, a widely popular taste I can’t seem to acquire. This pained me because I’ve seen Strout speak in person and found her extremely engaging.

My wife, however, adores Strout’s writing and for her birthday I gave her Strout’s latest bestseller, “Lucy by the Sea”. One evening, out of curiosity, I took a peek at the opening page…

…and kept turning the pages late into the night, captivated by this COVID-19 tale. Indeed, it is one of my favorite books this year. Next week, I will fill up a short shelf with some more profitable reads.

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There is still time to become an MVP by dropping off new balls (no batteries required!) at Jensen Design & Survey at 1672 Donlon St., Ventura CA 93003 (weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.); or have online orders shipped to this same address; and I will take it from there.

And please be sure to email me at woodywriter@gmail.com about your gift so I can add your generosity to this year’s tally and thank you in an upcoming column.

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Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn

Woody writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn. His SIGNED books are available at www.WoodyWoodburn.com.

Personalized Signed copies of WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and  “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” are available at WoodyWoodburn.com