If you were expecting 600 words of maple syrupy sweetness this morning, put down the newspaper and go video-chat with your grandma – and get out of your pajamas bottoms first! I’m in an annoyed I-made-pancakes-and-oops-we’re-out-of-syrup kind of mood.
Actually, one thing has me smiling. I came across #1thingicantstand on Twitter and it turns out I’m not alone in my complaints about #manythingsicantstand. Here are some actual Tweets of common pet peeves plus a few from @WoodyWoodburn mixed in.
“1thingicantstand is 40 registers – 3 of them open.”
“Gas prices.”
@WoodyWoodburn: Changing the clocks twice a year – let’s pick one (Daylight Saving Time gets my vote) and stick with it!
“When u let someone borrow something and u never get it back, or u get it back broken, or u gotta ask for it back.”
“A LOUD cell phone convo in a public place.”
“People who talk talk talk talk but never listen.”
@WoodyWoodburn: Calamari.
“There’s actually a lot of things I can’t stand – ignorance, bullying, lying and cheating are a few examples.”
“1thingicantstand is people who chew gum like cows.”
“People who complain more than they appreciate!”
@WoodyWoodburn: 2thingsicantstand are facemasks – when people don’t wear one and also when they wear one that is a really cool fashion statement that makes my mask look lame.
“ ‘Username or Password is wrong’ – tell me which one!”
“Telemarketers and Spam (both kinds).”
“1thingicantstand is people who look at the cup half-empty instead of half-full. Be positive!”
“pouring a bowl of cereal all hyped – then finding no milk.”
@WoodyWoodburn: when someone says “no problem” or “no worries” instead of “you’re welcome” in reply to a sincere “thank you.”
“You ask me for a starburst and you automatically expect a red one? No, you’re getting a yellow one.”
“1thingicantstand is people littering.”
“When my teacher calls my name knowing that my hand isn’t raised.”
@WoodyWoodburn: 1thingicantstandis when I load dirty dishes into the dishwasher without realizing it’s already clean.
“1thingicantstand – low battery on my phone.”
“people being mean to one another. We are all in this life together. Treat others like you’d want to be treated.”
“a slow driver in the fast lane.”
“Missing a green light because the fool in front of you doesn’t know how to turn.”
@WoodyWoodburn: Getting takeout for dinner and forgetting to check inside the bag at the restaurant only to get home and find half the order is wrong.
“1thingicantstand is sunglasses worn when the sun’s not out.”
“When an airline loses your luggage & they give you an airport food voucher – snacks are nice but I can get my (stuff) back?”
“seeing Ugg boots in 100-degree weather.”
@WoodyWoodburn: 100-degree weather.
“1thingicantstand is when i’m watching a movie for the first time and someone tells me what’s going to happen.”
“When ppl act all spiritual on Sundays, but Monday-through-Saturday they be doing the worst/fakest!”
@WoodyWoodburn: Ppl who park straddling the line taking up two spaces.
“When people go back with their ex. It’s like buying your clothes back from Goodwill – there’s a reason you got rid of them.”
“1thingicantstand is rude people.”
@WoodyWoodburn: Comments that begin as a compliment and then comes the “but…”
“people who don’t admit they’re WRONG even when they KNOW they are.”
“Single-use disposable plastic, of course!”
“the fact that people take elevators to go up or down one floor.”
“1thingicantstant is cold French fries.”
@WoodyWoodburn: soggy fries, too.
Lastly, a Tweet I fear seeing after today from one of my three loyal readers: “1thingicantstand is columnists who get others to write a column for them.”
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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn. His SIGNED books are available at www.WoodyWoodburn.com.
Personalized Signed copies of WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” are available at WoodyWoodburn.com