Long Column of Super Short Stories

STRAW_CoverWoody’s highly anticipated new book “STRAWBERRIES IN WINTERTIME: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” is NOW available! Order your signed copy HERE!

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Simplifying the Short Story to the Extreme

“Simplify, simplify,” advised Henry David Thoreau, to which Ralph Waldo Emerson wryly, and wisely, replied: “One ‘simplify’ would have sufficed.”

Another writing master, Ernest Hemingway, once accepted a challenge of simplifying from colleagues who bet him he couldn’t write a complete story in a mere six words. The master wordsmith made them pay up with this gem: “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.”

Ernest Hemingway , according to literary lore, once won a bet with a masterful six-word short story.

Ernest Hemingway , according to literary lore, once won a bet with a masterful six-word short story.

It is the work of a genius, indeed, for the reader can instantly imagine another 1,000 words to fill out the story.

With this in mind, I challenged some friends and social media pals to write their own six-word story of fiction or memoir.

My good buddy Jeff McElroy, an accomplished author who is familiar with Papa Hemingway’s complete body of work from long to supremely short, responded thusly: “Here’s an attempt to make the most heartbreaking shortest story into a happier one: ‘Free baby shoes. Well-worn.’ ”

Here are a few more six-word stories . . .

From Marcella Williams: “The skiff landed. My life metamorphosed.”

Mitch Gold: “My kids are my greatest achievements.”

Scott Harris: “He was blessed with good friends.”

Karen Biedebach-Berry: “Sun, surf, sea-glass, Pierpont Beach house!”

Terry Wieser: “I tripped but never fell hard.”

Arlys Tuttle: “My phone rang; never guess who.”

Deborah Sutherlan-Hocamp: “Last surviving human hears the doorbell.”

From Ed Wehan, an ultra-marathoner who conquered the Western States 100 Mile Race in his younger days and is still a long-distance marvel at age 72-going-on-52: “I ran but age caught me!”

Allyson McAuley: “Read books, traveled world, shared books.”

Tom Koenig: “Viewed, pursued, aged, still pursuing her!”

Karen Lindell: “Her heart gently listens, loves, aches.”

Jill Shaffer: “Life is short, cherish every day.”

And my own mini-memoir six-pack: “Tries to make today a masterpiece.”

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Seeking even further simplicity, I posed a second challenge of brevity: write a happy story – fiction or memoir – in only four words.

Houston Wolf: “Lived happily ever after.”

From Allyson McAuley: “It wasn’t too late.”

Randall Richman offered, “Peace on Earth occurred,” and Kris Young echoed: “World peace is here.”

Teri Hu: “My kids are home!”

Susan Goodkin: “I’m at LAX arrivals.”

Elizabeth Black: “Then I saw you.”

Rebekah Reddy: “And then they hugged.”

Sandy O’Brien: “We named him Bennett.”

Irene Henry: “Babies’ unconditional loving smiles.”

Here’s three vivid images: Nancy Kirk, “I see a rainbow”; Althea Carlson, “There are puppies everywhere”; and Susan Jorgensen, “Yum, so much cake!”

Jon Gold: “Pastrami sandwich, half price.”

David Spruill: “Reading ‘Harry Potter’ again!”

Tom Spence: “It’s in the hole!

From Jayce Yeh, “Your son’s vitals stabilized,” and similarly from Mark Jasper, “My child is healthy.”

Toni Tuttle-Santana: “Family growing and thriving.”

Mike Davis: “Joy in my heart.”

Lisa Iannucci: “Smiled often, laughed much.”

Steve Cook: “I painted all day.”

Lisa Iannucci: “My screenplay was sold!”

Anne Kallas: “I adopted a dog/cat.”

From Joe Siddens came “Will you marry me?” to which Jill Shaffer added this happy sequel: “She said ‘yes!’ ”

From Keith Pillow, “Then she loved me”; from Jim Gstettenbauer: “She laughed, I smiled”; and from Josh Crowder, “We found love together.”

Nicole Marsella-Jensen: “Passport, a new stamp.”

Cary Ginell: “Trump falls off cliff.”

From Suz Montgomery, “I am cancer free,” and similarly from Deborah Sutherland-Hocamp: “The X-rays were negative.”

Ronna Streeton, “I have four grandchildren!” and Carol Roth, “Seven grandchildren equals joy!”

Wayne Kempton wrote a matrimonial memoir: “48th anniversary with Shari.”

Barry Sackett offered, “She loved the puppy,” and my former Star colleague Melissa Eastman Wantz made it happier yet with this slight rewrite: “The puppy loved her.”

Annie Elizabeth: “My heart is full.”

And Michelle Rogers wrote this heartwarming gem, which is memoir not fiction: “I donated my kidney.”

The last four words come from yours truly: “Column written for me.”

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

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Column: New Mount Rushmores

We’re Going To Need More Granite

 

Eighty years ago the sculpture on steroids known as Mount Rushmore had the face of its first rock star dedicated in ceremony. Three years later in 1936 Thomas Jefferson joined George Washington followed by Abraham Lincoln’s face in 1937. Lastly, in 1939, Theodore Roosevelt’s spectacled countenance completed the famous presidential quartet.

 

RushmoreIn honor of the 75th anniversary, I thought it would be fun to consider some other Mount Rushmores. Certainly you will not agree with all – or perhaps even many – of my suggestions, but that’s part of the fun.

 

Likely, one’s own age and biases will blur their vision.

 

And, hopefully, good-natured arguments will ensue which is fine because these are not written in stone – oh, wait, yes they are!

 

Let’s put the boxing gloves on and begin.

 

The Mount Rushmore of Boxing – Jack Johnson, Joe Louis, Muhammad Ali and Rocky Balboa.

 

The Mount Rushmore of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Models – Surely dating myself, I’ll go with chiseling in granite these – um – busts: Cheryl Tiegs, Kathy Ireland, Elle Macpherson and Christie Brinkley.

 

The Mount Rushmore of American Writers (Male) – Hemingway, Twain, Steinbeck and, since this is my list, Jim Murray.

 

The Mount Rushmore of Writers (Female) – Emily Dickinson, Harper Lee (I know, I know, she only wrote one book but “To Kill A Mockingbird” is THAT great!), J.K. Rowling (conversely for her series of books and their impact on young readers), and Maya Angelou (for her voice aloud as well as on the written page).

 

The Mount Rushmore of Athletic Shoes – PF Flyers, Chuck Taylor Converse High-Tops, Adidas Superstars and Nike Air Jordans.

 

The Mount Rushmore of Stadiums – Since there are far more great stadiums than great presidents, I’m breaking this into categories:

 

Baseball – Yankee Stadium, Fenway Park, Dodger Stadium and (sorry Wrigley Field) the tiny Field of Dreams.

 

Football/Track – The Colosseum (in Rome),The Coliseum (Los Angeles Memorial, host of two Olympics and two Super Bowls including the first), The Rose Bowl (framed by the San Gabriel Mountains) and (sorry Lambeau Stadium, Notre Dame Stadium, Ohio Stadium, Soldier Field and others) The Astrodome (for good reason called in 1965 “The Eighth Wonder of the World”).

 

            Arenas – The original Madison Square Garden, the original Boston Garden, The “Fabulous” Forum and Pauley Pavilion because championship banners matter.

 

The Mount Rushmore of Cold Cereals – Corn Flakes, Rice Krispies, Raisin Bran and Wheaties.

 

My Personal Boyhood Mount Rushmore of Sugar For Breakfast – Froot Loops, Super Sugar Crisp, Alpha-Bits and Tony The Tiger’s “They’re Grrreat!” Frosted Flakes.

 

The Mount Rushmore of Candy Bars – Hershey, Milky Way, Snickers and 3 Musketeers.

 

The Mount Rushmore of Basketball – James Naismith (The Inventor), John Wooden (The Wizard), Phil Jackson (The Zen Master) and Jerry West (The NBA’s Logo and thus represents all the hardwood greats).

 

The Mount Rushmore of Quarterbacks – Johnny Unitas, Otto Graham (seven pro championships in 10 title games in his 10-year-career), Joe Montana and I’ll have to get back to you on the fourth.

 

The Mount Rushmore of Tennis (Men) – Remember this is my monument: Rod Laver, Bjorn Borg, and Mike and Bob Bryan (unlike the greatest singles player in history, there is no debate over the greatest doubles tandem ever).

 

The Mount Rushmore of Tennis (Women) – Billie Jean King, Chris Evert, Martina Navratilova and Steffi Graf.

 

The Mount Rushmore of Superheroes (Comics) – Batman, Superman, (Comics), Spider-Man and (my monument) Mighty Mouse.

 

The Mount Rushmore of Superheroes (Film) – John Wayne (almost every role), James Bond, Atticus Finch and James Bailey.

 

The Mount Rushmore of Female Vocalists – Aretha Franklin, Ella Fitzgerald, Janis Joplin and Whitney Houston.

 

The Mount Rushmore of Male Vocalists – I’m not even going to try.

 

The Mount Rushmore of Movies – Impossible, but here goes: The Jazz Singer (first talkie), Casablanca (first on many people’s list), Star Wars (hey, its my list) and just to make my Pops happy, his boyhood version of Star Wars and all-time favorite movie to this day, The Adventures of Robin Hood starring Errol Flynn and Olivia de Havilland.

 

The Mount Rushmore of Rock ’n’ Roll – In another impossible category, I choose to have George, Thomas, Abe and Teddy joined by John, Paul, George and Ringo.

 

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

 

Check out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”