Comforting In-Flight Entertainment

Woody’s award-winning novel “The Butterfly Tree” is available at Amazon (click here), other online retailers, and orderable at all bookshops.

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The in-flight movie screen for Seat 19-B was out of order.

This would have been less bothersome had the passenger in 19-B not brought along a book that he realized, about two chapters in, he had already read.

This, in turn, would have been less bothersome had this recent flight not been from Southern California to New Zealand, a flight of more than 13 hours, a flight so long it took off Wednesday night and landed Friday morning with Thursday disappearing into thin air at 35,000 feet somewhere over the Pacific Ocean.

This would have been less bothersome if the passenger in 19-B was able to sleep on planes and thus had napped through the airborne boredom, and through stretches of rollercoaster-like hair-raising turbulence, until waking up Down Under.

All of this would have been less bothersome if the passenger in 19-B was not me.

And all of this changed for the better when the person in Seat 18-C, one row ahead of me and directly across the aisle to the right, opened a generously sized canvas book bag and, as if it were Mary Poppins’ magical bottomless carpet bag, from it started pulling out an arts and crafts store shelf worth of skeins of yarn – green, gold, red, and two shades of blue – and wooden knitting needles.

Suddenly I was in a time machine transported back half a century, while simultaneously in a flying machine heading forward 6,000 miles, thinking of my mom who was an accomplished knitter. One of the last gifts she gave me before passing away three decades ago was a gorgeous afghan the color of hot chocolate, made lighter by melted marshmallows, with a seashell pattern and tassel fringe.

This knitter, however, reminded me nothing of my mom. For starters, he looked more like a stereotypical motorcycle club member than someone in a knitting club. In his forties, I guessed, unshaven for two days I also guessed, toe to top he wore black boots, blue jeans, faded brown T-shirt with a slightly torn seam on the left shoulder with the short sleeves stretched taut over large biceps, plus tattoo sleeves – a dog’s face, a rabbit wearing a dress, and a butterfly among the images I could make out – on both arms, and a battered baseball cap.

“It distracts me from my fear of flying,” Jason, as I later learned his name to be, shared when I leaned forward to compliment his handiwork/artwork.

Watching him knit was a pleasant distraction for me as well, as calming and entertaining as watching fish in an aquarium.

Jason began by rolling the five skeins into a single ball that speedily grew from a marble into a baseball into a grapefruit into a good-sized cantaloupe that looked like a miniature globe of Earth. More than once, he had to pause his spinning hands in order to untangle a skein that had become as snagged as a back-lashed fishing line in a reel.

Once the knitting began, the two needles flicked and clicked like flashing swords in a Robin Hood fight, all whilst Jason’s fingers danced and his wedding band glinted, and row by row the scarf or sweater or afghan grew, its colors changing at random with some sections wide and others narrow, a yarn sunset unfurling on his lap.

“What are you making?” I asked after we landed.

“A sweater,” Jason answered. “For me.”

He paused and smiled and his round wire-rimmed glasses made him look like a poet or professor, or a knitter certainly, and added: “But my wife will probably steal it.”

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Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is now available in paperback and eBook at Amazon (click here), other online bookstores, and is orderable at all bookshops.

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Woody writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn.

‘Wright’ Perspective on Air Travel

1StrawberriesCoverWooden-&-Me-cover-mock-upFor a Personalized Autographed copy of STRAWBERRIES IN WINTERTIME” or “WOODEN & ME” mail a check for $25 to:

Woody Woodburn

400 Roosevelt Court

Ventura, CA 93003

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Air Travel Depends on ‘Wright’ Perspective

At the end is where I shall begin today, with the beginning coming at the close of this column. There is a reason for this, as you will see.

Also, there is a reason for the chronicle of complaints to follow – a list almost as long as a TSA security line. Yes, this tale is about the headaches and frustrations of traveling by airplane.

While my recent flight from LAX to New York’s JFK International had no thrown punches or any passengers dragged off because of overbooking, in many ways it still typified why air travel can seem as pleasant as a kidney stone.

Air travel has changed a great deal since the 1903.

Air travel has changed a great deal since the 1903.

Working backwards, we start at Baggage Claim. After a long walk through the terminal and waiting another 15 minutes at the designated carousel, the bell rang and the lights flashed and the merry-go-round for suitcases finally began moving.

Around and around it slowly turned, but no luggage emerged.

Another ten minutes passed before our flight’s baggage finally began to appear – on a different carousel.

This carousel quickly stopped. Not-so-quickly is restarted. My suitcase eventually appeared, about in the middle of the pack, about 40 minutes after we passengers had arrived at Baggage Claim.

Departing the massive jet was like 100 boxing matches held inside 100 shower stalls. Instead of flying fists to duck, one needed to dodge carry-on luggage being yanked from the overhead storage bins.

A duffle bag far too large to qualify as carry-on, landed a punch to the back of my head. No apology was offered. Instead, the culpable woman tried to push her way through the Space Mountain-like line in the aisle ahead, announcing: “I have to get to a connecting flight!”

As if she were the only passenger in a rush. By the way, we were two rows from the back of the plane. Her rudeness was rightly met with scorn.

Like Usain Bolt at the blast of the starter’s pistol, the instant the captain announced we had stopped taxiing, 97 percent of the passengers bolted out of their seats. They instantly battled to retrieve their carry-on bags like NBA players boxing out for rebounds.

The landing at JFK was so smooth that had a cup of water been secured outside on the wing it would not have splashed. Inside the plane, however, it looked like a tornado had passed through with trash, blankets and food strewn everywhere – especially in first-class.

The man in front of me reclined his seat the entire flight, giving himself a few extra inches of extra comfort while rendering my video screen dark from the tilted angle.

A baby cried, and loudly, for half an hour.

A couple across the aisle from me complained to the flight attendant about this, that and the other. Their complaints grew ruder, and louder, the more wine they drank.

My seatmate also wore a tank top and had armpits like a pelt. I know this because he kept raising his arms to adjust the air-vent nozzle.

My seatmate unpacked a huge salad which he ate with the same gusto the Beast in “Beauty and the Beast” attacked a bowl of porridge. Lettuce shrapnel struck me three times.

After boarding the plane on time, our takeoff was delayed 35 minutes.

Now the beginning. Our captain greeted us over the P.A. system with an apology for the delayed departure and then shared this eloquent message:

I know air travel can be frustrating at times. I think it’s well to remember that the Wright Brothers made their first flight just 113 years ago. We’ve come an amazing distance, very quickly, since then.

That historic flight covered just 120 feet – the wingspan of this Airbus A330-300 is longer than that.

That first flight also lasted only 12 seconds and reached an altitude of about 20 feet – our altitude will be 36,000 feet and our scheduled flight time is 5 hours and 41 minutes.

So keep the Wright Brothers in mind and have a nice flight.

Thanks to that wise perspective, I indeed had a wonderful and enjoyable flight.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Wooden & Me Kickstarter Front PhotoCheck out my memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and my essay collection “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” …

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