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Empathy Lesson
Remains Wise
Something my Grandpa Ansel told me long ago is surely a lesson your own grandfather or grandma taught you: “Don’t judge someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.”
Atticus Finch put it more poetically, and powerfully, in “To Kill A Mockingbird.” Speaking to his daughter Scout he said, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view — until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.”
Empathy, like COVID-19 vaccines, seems to be in especially short supply of late. Indeed, I was reminded of Atticus and Ansel’s words by a recent story in The Washington Post followed by an encounter I witnessed in a local parking lot.
I will begin with the newspaper account of a home in Long Island that kept its outdoor Christmas lights and decorations up well past the holidays. When February arrived, an anonymous neighbor sent a typed letter that was far from being a sweet Valentine’s Day card: “Take your Christmas lights down! Its Valentines Day!!!!!!”
In addition to lacking an apostrophe in “It’s” and grossly overusing exclamation marks, both far worse offenses than delinquent decorations, the scolding letter had the opposite effect than intended. Instead of 31-year-old Sara Pascucci taking down her colored lights and ornaments, house after house in her neighborhood put theirs back up.
This happened after Pascucci shared her personal plight with a Facebook group of local moms. In other words, others got the chance to walk a mile in her shoes – and learned they were heavy with grief.
In January, Pascucci’s father and aunt both died of COVID-19 within a week of one another. Her dad, by the way, was the one who put up her holiday decorations as he did each year. Moreover, this was the first year her 2-year-old son could really enjoy the twinkling lights.
If the five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance – had a sixth stage, it might be Taking Down The Christmas Decorations One’s Father Put Up For The Very Last Time. Indeed, Pascucci could not yet bring herself to do so.
Sounding a little like Atticus and Ansel, she wrote on her Facebook posting: “No one really knows what is going on inside the house or why we didn’t take down the decorations. I couldn’t believe someone would do this.”
Also unbelievable, and happily so, was the show of support from her neighbors once they climbed inside of her skin and walked around in it.
From Long Island we travel to a parking lot with a view of the Channel Islands where a car pulled into a handicapped spot directly in front of the entrance to a store. Even though a blue-and-white Disabled Person Placard was in plain site hanging from the rearview mirror, the driver – along with his daughter, who seemed no older than 10 – was challenged by a rude stranger.
Instead of “Take your Christmas lights down! Its Valentines Day!!!!!!” The Rude Man sneered, complete with an abundance of exclamation marks: “You can’t park here! You’re not handicapped!! Where’s your wheelchair?!!! You’re not limping!!!!”
To his credit, the father shielded his young daughter and went inside the store without engaging with The Rude Man for he had no obligation to explain what disability – heart condition, back issues, fill-in-the blank – is going on beneath his skin.
Rather, The Rude Man needs to learn that trying to get under someone’s skin is not the same as climbing inside it. Had he walked in the father’s shoes, he might have understood the invisible limp.
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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn. His SIGNED books are available at www.WoodyWoodburn.com.
Personalized Signed copies of WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” are available at WoodyWoodburn.com