It has been said over the ages by different sages, “Joy shared is doubled, grief shared is halved.” The inbox outpouring of heartfelt emails from readers regarding last week’s column about my wife’s miscarriage 18 years ago certainly made this sentiment ring true to me.
Numerous kindhearted responses echoed Maureen Zoll, “I can just say how sorry I am for the loss of your beautiful Sienna,” while many others thanked me for sharing my grief and in turn did likewise. I believe their stories may have healing power for others so here are three…
From Bonnie: “I went into labor on July 6, 1957, a month early and gave birth by Cesarean Section to a son, George Daniel. He had to be kept in an incubator in the nursery down the hall from my room. I was told by the nurses that I could see my baby when I could walk to the nursery on my own, but I could not even stand on my own that day.
“My baby died the next day without me seeing him, feeling my touch, or holding him. I have lived with this sadness all these years.
“Like you, I have imagined the special days, such as starting school, graduating from high school, college, etc., and all the other times you mentioned. I have not spent a day without thoughts of him. Thank you for your column.”
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From Kevin: “I still have tears in my eyes at your description of your loss and the poem of Elizabeth Gaskell. I’ve read it five, six, I don’t know how many times already and I always cry. I’m a little vulnerable right now as I deal with my 31-year-old son who is presently in a secure rehab facility in Denver, so maybe that’s part of it.
“Also, part of it is the overwhelming relief that we didn’t have to go through what you have. I just wanted to tell you how powerfully you have affected me, in grief and in joy. I don’t know what else to say, except ‘I’m so very sorry for your loss.’ ”
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And from Carol: “Poetry is so beautiful, for many reasons, but especially for healing. Your column today reduced me to tears and brought to mind Robert Frost’s poem ‘Home Burial.’
“I cannot even begin to imagine the pain of losing a child, born or unborn. Your sharing that pain in such a beautiful way is such a gift and will bring healing to other people who carry that burden of painful loss.
“But your column today was healing for me in a different way. It released my fear and anger about aging. Since my 70th birthday three years ago, I have been derailed by grief, regret and a sense of failure. I had no qualms about the milestones of 30, 40, 50, or even 60. But 70 brought me to my knees.
“Reading your column this morning brought a sense of shame at my self- absorption around this aging issue. I am alive. Sienna isn’t. Sharing her story gives some sense of purpose to an otherwise unfathomable loss. I am making a ‘faithful vow’ to remember how very blessed I am to be alive each and every day.”
Carol included “Another Summer Begins” by her favorite poet, Mary Oliver, which begins: “Summer begins again. / How many / do I still have? / Not a worthy question, / I imagine. / Hope is one thing, / gratitude another / and sufficient / unto itself…”
Grief shared, it seems to me, is also gratitude amplified.
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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn. His SIGNED books are available at www.WoodyWoodburn.com.
Personalized Signed copies of WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” are available at WoodyWoodburn.com