If you want sugar and pumpkin spice and everything nice, call your grandma on Zoom because I’m in a puppy dog ate my homework kind of mood.
For starters, I was annoyed because what I thought was an extreme case of jetlag after spending 14 hours in the air – with a baby across the aisle from me crying for half of it – instead turned out to be COVID-19…
…but I love that thanks to modern science/medicine and being vaccinated and double-boosted, my symptoms have been akin to a very bad cold.
I get annoyed because I know the same handful of anti-vaxers who routinely gunk up my inbox will do so again now…
…but I love hitting the email “trash” key.
I get annoyed by impatient and rude drivers…
…but I love it when two lanes merge into one in a construction zone and every single driver allows another car in like a clothes zipper merging together perfectly.
I get annoyed when half the sesame seeds on my bagel fall off and make a mess…
…but I love it when a frozen yogurt has a mess of toppings.
I get annoyed by knuckleheads…
…but I love that my daughter calls knuckleheads “yo-yo-heads.”
I get annoyed at myself because I continually underestimate the slow-as-a-doctor’s-waiting-room traffic on the local freeways and wind up late for engagements…
…but I love when I hit a string of green lights in town and wind up arriving ten minutes early – which, as Coach John Wooden said, is actually merely being right on time.
I get annoyed when a doctor’s office is running 30 minutes behind schedule…
…but I love it when a receptionist performs a magic act and squeezes me in the very day I call in with an illness or ailment – which may be why another patient has to wait 30 minutes.
I get annoyed when a quick-service restaurant meal for eating on the premises, not take-out, comes wrapped in two pounds of aluminum foil, cardboard and paper – a lot of waste for 30 seconds of use…
…but I love it when I remember to take reusable bags to the grocery store.
I get annoyed when autocorrect makes me look like a yo-yo-head…
…but I love when my Star editor corrects a typo to keep me from looking like a yo-yo-head.
I get annoyed that school children see a need to send military care packages filled with requested items like cookies, chips, trail mix, jerky, granola bars and candy bars, and gum. If our troops want these items, the military should provide them!…
…but I love when kids send letters, cards and handmade items to our soldiers.
I get annoyed when I read the news crawl across the bottom of the TV screen and then lose track of what the news anchor is saying…
…but I love crawls that show me all the other scores and updates while watching a sporting event.
I get annoyed when dog walkers don’t clean up their pets’ messes…
…and I would love an ordinance that requires these yo-yo-heads to clean the shoe soles for those of us who take a messy misstep.
I get annoyed when I see litter anywhere, most especially on our lovely beaches…
…but I love the enthusiasm of volunteer beach clean-up days.
I get annoyed by the hypocrisy of so many yo-yo-head politicians…
…but I smile recalling my grandpa Ansel’s refrain that sometimes it’s good to deal with dummies because they make you feel so smart.
There, I feel so much better I think I’ll Zoom call my sugar-and-spice granddaughter.
* * *
Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn
Woody writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn. His SIGNED books are available at www.WoodyWoodburn.com.
Personalized Signed copies of WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” are available at WoodyWoodburn.com