Out-of-the-Box Costumes

by Woody

FOLLOW ME ON INSTAGRAM: @woodywoodburn

*

These Halloween Costumes

Would Be Fun To See

Spoiler alert for what will come knocking on your front door this Halloween. According to Google search information compiled by marketing trends provider SEMrush, the 10 most-popular Halloween costumes this year promise to be: Fortnite, Spider-Man, Harley Quinn, Wonder Woman, Black Panther, Deadpool, Harry Potter, Catwoman, Pennywise and Kim Kardashian.

I have to admit, I thought “Fortnite” must be a character from a Shakespeare play but it turns out to be a popular video game. Pennywise, I assume, is Dollar Foolish’s sister.

Speaking of dollar foolish, according to the National Retail Federation, U.S. shoppers this year will spend $8.8 billion – $86.27 per person – on candy, decorations and costumes. This includes costumes for pets with Pumpkin, Batman and Lion being the three most popular for our four-legged friends.

Instead of trendy ready-made costumes from a box, here are some outside-the-box Halloween outfits I’d like to see ring my doorbell this Thursday evening . . .

Every shelter dog and cat dressed up as a Pumpkin or Lion and sleeping on an adopted lap.

Amazon’s Alexa costumed as a helpful librarian and vice-versa.

My laptop computer as John Steinbeck’s Hermes Baby typewriter.

The Dodgers, dusting off a 32-year-old costume stored in an attic trunk, dressed up as World Series champions.

The iPhone11 Pro Max in a costume as a rotary rPhone1961.

Similarly, a family out for meal in a restaurant dressed as Amish Mennonites without everyone having his or her attention focused on a smartphone screen.

Ojai climate activist Kristofer Young in a costume as Greta Thunburg.

John Wooden’s Pyramid of Success dressed up as the USDA Food Pyramid and the Food Pyramid dressed up as a Fourth of July red-white-and-blue paper plate stacked with hotdogs and potato salad.

Every cancer patient dressed up as cured.

Ventura County’s brown hillsides in a costume as Ireland’s emerald landscape.

Firemen, nurses, cops and teachers dressed up as Justice League heroes like Superman, Wonder Woman, Flash and Green Lantern.

Every drunk driver dressed up as a taxi, Uber or Lyft passenger.

Camarillo’s Mike and Bob Bryan, the greatest doubles team in tennis history, dressed identically as the Wrigley Doublemint Twins.

My former Star columnist colleague Colleen Cason dressed up as an author with a book on The New York Times Best Sellers List.

Lakers’ dynamic duo LeBron James and Anthony Davis as Batman and Robin.

Ventura County, with its amazing collection of craft breweries, dressed up as a famous mirco-brew destination like Bend Oregon or Denver.

Jack In The Box pitchman Jack dressed up as Ronald McDonald; Ronald Mac in a costume as Conan O’Brien; and Conan as The Great Pumpkin.

Tom Brady in a costume as Father Time.

Ageless Venturan running legend Ed Wehan, finisher of more than 120 marathons (with a PR of 2 hours, 36 minutes at age 40) and dozens of ultras (including seventh place in the granddaddy Western States 100 Mile Endurance Run four decades ago) dressed up as an inductee of The Ventura County Sports Hall of Fame.

Throwaway plastic milk jugs dressed up as “Leave It To Beaver” milkman era throwback returnable glass bottles.

Singer Ed Sheeran as Prince Harry and vice-versa.

Meanwhile, according to Google Freightgeist, the least popular candy – “vehemently hate” is the description used – handed out this year promises to be the same as it was when I was Trick-or-Treating in the 1960s: candy corn.

Which reminds me of what a friend once told me about the proper way to eat candy corn: tear the package open, dump it in the trash can, and then have a Milky Way.

*

Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn. His books are available at www.WoodyWoodburn.com.

Check out my memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and my essay collection “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” …