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For a Personalized Autographed copy of “STRAWBERRIES IN WINTERTIME” or “WOODEN & ME” mail a check for $25 to:

Woody Woodburn

400 Roosevelt Court

Ventura, CA 93003

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Lobster Love Outshines a National Park

Opening acts are not supposed to outshine the marquee attraction, yet that is exactly what happened.

In port for the day in Bar Harbor, Maine, my wife and I took a four-hour bus-and-hiking tour of Acadia National Park. The 47,000-acre expanse of rocky beaches and granite peaks, wild woodlands and serene lakes, made arm hairs rise in awe.

And yet this picturesque landscape was surpassed by a one-hour side visit to the nearby tiny Mount Desert Oceanarium Lobster Hatchery. Specifically, co-directors Audrey and David Mills made it a mental rose petal to be pressed inside the pages of a scrapbook.

David, a longtime lobster fisherman before becoming a charismatic octogenarian, began his presentation boat side: “Three things I know about a cell phone. One – don’t keep it in your breast pocket if you’re going to learn over the side to look down into the water.

“Two – it will not sink like a rock, but instead flutter to the bottom like a falling leaf.” He waved his hand in demonstration and continued: “Three – don’t bother retrieving it because it won’t work after its been in the salt water.”

For the next ten minutes, David paddled further and further away from the promised topic. Finally, as if suddenly remembering why we were all gathered, he pointed to a sign resting on the gunwale: “Talk About Lobsters Will Begin In A Bit.”

His grey droopy mustache danced above a quick smile and he said, “You thought I forgot to take this down, didn’t you?”

The mustache danced again: “It’s true – I’ll get around to talking about lobsters in a bit.”

The audience laughed. A bit later we learned a lot about lobsters. We learned about pots and trap bait and a hundred things more. We laughed some more, too.

Relating that he used to retrieve lost lobster traps from the depths of Maine’s frigid waters as a hired Scuba diver, David feigned a shiver and noted: “I charged 35 dollars an hour – 30 dollars was for the first five minutes.”

We learned that lobsters grow beyond 40 pounds; an adult lobster sheds its shell – molts – almost annually; and lobsters go into hiding until their new shells harden.

We learned that Atlantic lobsters are left- or right-handed, no kidding, depending on which side the more massive pincer claw – used to crush armored prey such as crabs and clams – is located. The opposite more slender pincer captures fast food like small fish.

We learned that Maine law requires lobstermen to cut a notch in the tail of egg-bearing females before throwing them back to sea. This “V-notch” thereafter serves as a get-out-of-jail card, so to speak.

Best of all, we learned this: true love lasts a lifetime. Audrey and David are proof. They have been married 62 years and still come into focus like honeymooners.

When it was Audrey’s turn to lecture about crustacean biology, David couldn’t take his twinkling eyes off her. I know this because I couldn’t take my eyes off him watching her.

When Audrey told little jokes, quips that couldn’t possibly be funny after one has heard them thousands of times, David laughed as genuinely as if it were the first time.

For example, after explaining that a lobster’s sense of smell is one million times that of a human, she added: “Yuck, right?” and David’s mustache danced anew.

Here was my favorite moment of all. Afterward, when I asked David to pose for a boat-side photo, he politely excused himself to retrieve Audrey. He wanted her in the picture with him.

The lobster couple is actually a pair of lovebirds.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Check out my memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and my essay collection “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” …

• Personalized signed copies are available at WoodyWoodburn.com
• Unsigned paperbacks or Kindle ebook can be purchased here at Amazon