Woody’s highly anticipated new book “STRAWBERRIES IN WINTERTIME: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” is NOW available! Order your signed copy HERE!
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Last-Minute Gift List for Santa
Dear Santa, you old curmudgeon, put down that spiked eggnog and listen up. Before you finish checking your list twice to see who’s Trump-y and who’s nice, here are a few last-minute gifts to pack in your sleigh tonight.
Give Vin Scully second thoughts about retirement.
Give Dodgers fans the same as above.
Give the world another John Glenn, Prince, David Bowie, Arnold Palmer and Muhammad Ali – well, as near facsimiles as possible – to fill the voids they left behind this year.
Give every school bully a lump of coal.
Give a bagful of rocks to Juan Manuel Cisneros, the local artist whose breathtaking nativity scene built with balanced stones that seem to defy gravity at the beach near the Ventura Pier is such a masterpiece it has been viewed more than 13 million times on social media.
Give teachers some heartfelt notes from former students who are now successful adults, offering thanks for having made a difference in their lives.
Give college students a break in tuition!
Give America a school year without a mass shooting.
Give every person spending the holidays in the hospital a complete cure.
Give my friend Alvin Matthews a miracle that allows him to complete his next marathon on foot instead of in a racing wheelchair.
Instead of a “Fruit of the Month” gift subscription for the year, give California farmers a monthly delivery of a long, soaking rain.
Give every child a rainy day, a book, and no Internet for an entire day.
Give Mike and Bob Bryan one more Wimbledon title in 2017. Heck, since there’s two of them, add the U.S. Open title, too.
Give cyber bullies a ransom computer virus.
Give Russian hackers the same as above.
Give small local businesses a lot more of our business.
Give my author friends one week each on the best-seller’s list in 2017.
Give Ventura’s downtown parking meters the heave-ho-ho-ho.
Give all CEOs the heart and mindset of Yvon Chouinard, who had his company Patagonia donate all of its Black Friday profits – a whopping $10 million! – to environmental groups.
Give the hundreds of thousands of animal species currently on the way to extinction – scientists claim that literally dozens of species are disappearing daily! – a second chance.
Give anyone who is upset about the new law requiring grocery stores to charge 10 cents for a paper bag, a roll of dimes for when they forget their reusable bags.
Give Hillary a dose of serenity she’s surely lacking.
Give Trump a dose of wisdom he’s surely lacking.
Give Ventura County’s homeless year-round access to nightly shelter.
Forgive me, Santa, but give Heather Bresch – the CEO that quadrupled the price of the life-saving EpiPen from $56 per pen to $317 – a severe peanut allergy.
If the Los Angeles Rams are going to keep playing like they did this season, give them back to St. Louis.
Give children fewer critics and more encouragement.
Give protestors of the Dakota Access Pipeline more portable heaters and less tear gas.
Give women equal wages as men as well as equal representation in public office, tech jobs, and CEO positions.
Give all our active soldiers, and veterans, our heartfelt gratitude – and speedier and better healthcare.
Give last-minute Christmas Eve shoppers (pronounced “procrastinators”) the patience of Job to maintain their sanity among the holiday crowds (pronounced “mobs”).
Give the Star’s Julius Gius Bellringer a record total in 2016 along with our sincere gratitude in the memory of the late, great editor and humanitarian Mr. Gius for creating this wonderfully worthy campaign 37 years ago.
Give all the kind-hearted people who donated to the Bellringer or to my annual “Woody’s Holiday Ball Dive” – an avalanche of 386 balls bounced in this year for disadvantaged kids – a big “thank you!” and good karma in 2017.
Give a Merry Christmas, Blessed Chanukah, Wonderful Kwanzaa or simply Happy Holiday to everyone!
Give my loyal readers, all 12 of you, the same as above.
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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.
Check out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”
- Personalized signed copies are available at WoodyWoodburn.com
- Unsigned paperbacks or Kindle ebook can be purchased here at Amazon