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For a Personalized Autographed copy of “STRAWBERRIES IN WINTERTIME” or “WOODEN & ME” use the PayPal link on my home page or mail a check for $25 to:
Woody Woodburn
400 Roosevelt Court
Ventura, CA 93003
Rants and Raves About This and That
Harrumph! If you were anticipating 600 words of warm maple syrup over waffles-like sweetness this morning, put down the newspaper and phone your grandma. I’m in a the-rains-have-chased-an-ant-farm-into-my-kitchen kind of grouchy mood.
But I do love the rain, especially the softer showers that my great-grandfather, a farmer, used to call “a million-dollar soaking.”
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I’m annoyed that we citizens get soaked with more and more taxes every year while fewer and fewer potholes seem to get filled. In Ventura, Johnson Drive especially resembles a road that’s been bombed by enemy aircraft. Throughout Ventura County every city and neighborhood has its own neglected moonscape roads that are as zig-zagging difficult to navigate as diagramming a sentence spoken by Donald Trump.
But I do love how rarely modern tires get flats compared to eons ago when I first learned to drive.
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Speaking of driving, I’m annoyed that there’s more than a three-month wait to make an on-line appointment at the Ventura DMV to get a license renewal with a REAL ID. Harrumph! I want to see the eye chart before my birthday, not get tickets to see “Hamilton.”
But I love being at the DMV and seeing the radiant smiles of 16-year-olds who have just found out they passed their driving test.
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I’m annoyed by the New England Patriots’ selfishness and greed in hogging the Vince Lombardi Trophy.
But I do love New England clam chowder.
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Call me a Pa Ventura-like ol’ fuddy-duddy, but the halftime show of the Super Bowl usually annoys me and this year was no exception.
But I do love that Maroon 5, headliners of the 2019 midgame-snack-rush-bathroom-flush extravaganza, donated its entire $500,000 payday to the children’s charity Big Brothers Big Sisters of America
I also loved Gladys Knight’s rendition of the National Anthem at Super Bowl LIII.
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The NFL stubbornly still using Roman numerals to designate the Super Bowls annoys me.
But I loved Roman Gabriel when he played quarterback for the Rams in the 19LXs and early ’LXXs – and I think even at age LXXVIII, ol’ jersey No. XVIII would have played better than III-year pro Jared Goff.
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I am beyond annoyed at the assault on Mother Earth and Her clean air and water by U.S. president XLV, big business around the globe, and mankind in general.
But I love that Patagonia, founded by Yvon Chouinard and headquartered in Ventura, is donating the additional $10 million in profits the company earned in 2018 as a result of corporate tax cuts to grassroots groups battling climate change.
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I get annoyed when I see a police officer behind the wheel commit an infraction – such as recently driving in a heavy downpour, where the visibility was horrible, with his headlights off and nearly causing a traffic accident because of it – that would get the rest of us a ticket.
I love seeing a speeder get pulled over.
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I am annoyed that the profession of journalism is grossly undervalued and constantly under fire in America.
But I loved the Washington Post’s “Democracy Dies in Darkness” one-minute commercial that aired during Super Bowl 53. Narrated by Tom Hanks and featuring powerful images, it was powerful poetry:
“When we go off to war. When we exercise our rights. When we soar to our greatest heights. When we mourn and pray. When our neighbors are at risk. When our nation is threatened. There’s someone to gather the facts. To bring you the story. No matter the cost. Because knowing empowers us. Knowing helps us decide. Knowing keeps us free.”
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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.
Check out my memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and my essay collection “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” …
- Personalized signed copies are available at WoodyWoodburn.com