Column: Amazing Grace (and Duane)

by Woody

A Fast Friendship Out of the Blue

KaBOOM! KaBOOM! KaBOOM!

The racket sounded like a judge frantically trying to restore order in his courtroom.

Instead of a gavel, however, this ruckus was the pounding of 11 small, wooden mallets upon two tabletops. Specifically, two dining tables covered with butcher paper taped down at the corners.

A bushel of Maryland Blue Crabs seasoned by the gods!

A full bushel of steaming Maryland Blue Crabs seasoned by the gods!

And the butcher paper was covered with mountainous piles of Callinectes sapidus: Maryland Blue Crabs, fresh from the Chesapeake Bay.

There are a handful of meals over one’s lifetime that stand out above all others and this dinner two weeks past makes my honor roll. Beyond the delicious food, this was due to the fine company. Oh, and the messy fun that made me feel like a kindergartener in need of an art smock.

Indeed, when I arrived my hosts, the aptly named Grace and her husband Duane, apologized for not warning me to wear an old shirt.

Since I was a blue crab virgin, Grace’s father, Ray, gave me a cracking tutorial. He began by showing me how to locate the crab’s apron – a male’s looks like the nearby Washington Monument while the female’s resembles the Capitol dome – and then breaking it off.

Ray lost me somewhere between removing the top shell and cleaning the gills, but I latched onto the most important step: Pound the crab with the mallet and then pick out and eat the sweet meat.

What I lacked in skill, I made up for with enthusiasm. Half-a-dozen crabs into the feast, I needed a clean shirt; after dozen, a shower; still I kept going.

This was Thanksgiving in August. Instead of an oversized turkey, Grace served up a full bushel of steaming blue crabs seasoned by the gods. Half as many would have been a challenge to finish, but the 11 of us did our mighty best.

“You learn a lot about someone when you share a meal together,” Anthony Bourdain, chef and TV personality, has said.

I learned that Ray was in the CIA during the Cold War and I learned much of Grace’s charm comes from her mother, Anne.

I learned that in just about any endeavor, Duane would be my top draft pick. A Southern California beach boy, he was a discus thrower on scholarship in college and now does triathlons; he is a masterful furniture maker and also built entirely by himself their gorgeous house that merits being featured in Better Homes and Gardens.

Duane and Grace with Greg and me.

Duane and Grace with Greg and me.

Too, he is an involved dad of two terrific teenage sons; a wonderful storyteller; modest as a monk; and generous beyond belief.

Actually, the last thing I already knew about Duane and Grace. You see, when my son accepted a 10-week summer internship in Washington, D.C., with KaBOOM!, a national non-profit dedicated to promoting active play for kids, he needed a place to stay.

I have a dear Venturan friend who grew up in Virginia and I asked him for recommendations where to look for housing. Ken in turn emailed a childhood friend for suggestions; Grace instantly phoned back saying they would take the stranger in.

“Who does that?” my wife, a remarkably kind person herself, said in happy wonderment, her sleepless nights of worrying where our son would stay now cured.

Amazing Grace, Duane, Robbie and Scott, and charismatic collie-mix Hobie, made Greg feel so welcome that when I showed up for the crab feast only I was a visitor. Instead of a lonely rented room, Greg came home each night to a family. If he was running late, they held dinner. If he needed a ride, they drove him or gave him the car keys. When they went to parties and barbecues, Greg was included.

“We cannot tell the precise moment when friendship is formed,” Ray Bradbury wrote. “As in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it run over; so in a series of kindnesses there is at last one which makes the heart run over.”

Grace and Duane proved Bradbury wrong, for they filled the vessel to overflowing even more quickly than 11 hungry souls emptied a bushel of delicious Maryland Blue Crabs.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Wooden&Me_cover_PRCheck out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”