Chuck Thomas, the legendary columnist and my mentor who preceding me in this space, said more than once in print and also in person: “If there’s someone whose friendship you treasure, be sure to tell them now — don’t wait for a memorial service to say it.”
Chuck walked the talk, I am happy to say and blessed to have personally experienced.
Chuck also wisely told me, again multiple times, that oftentimes the more personal a column is the wider its appeal; that there is macro in the micro; that writing about the general does not resonate as clearly and universally as storytelling about the specific.
Heeding these two bookends of personal and professional advice, here is a toast I gave a few days ago at a retirement party for my beloved dentist Stacy Schmidt.
*
Thirty years past, you took over Dr. Sparks’ space
A new dentist now cared for the smile on my face
But one tiny small matter made my concerns fly
My doc, for the first time, was younger than I!
A second woe brought my mood further down
Yikes, you’re a Cougar from the other side of town
Ah, thank goodness your dental school was ’SC
Like Dallas and Greg, a proud Trojan identity
Your heart, however, also runs Bruin blue
John Wooden is the greatest you say to be true
His “Pyramid of Success” I mention today
Because its top block you have scaled all the way
Fillings, veneers, crowns of porcelain and gold
You are the G.O.A.T. it must now be told
Million-dollar smiles you gave patients to show
Alas, darn insurance companies pay far too low
When I turned age forty—shortly ago (wink, wink)
You told me what would make any adult heart sink
“Woody, good pal, your shifting teeth need braces”
Translation: Three years of joining junior-high faces
Brackets and wires, rubber bands, the whole mess
More than once I cursed you in mouth-aching distress
But slowly and surely I gained a straight grin
Another example of a Doc Stacy win
On vacation in Scotland, Oh my what a trip!
Literally so—I fell and bloodied my lip
My two top middle teeth broke off in disaster
For ten days I needed my dental grandmaster
“You fit right in here,” Lisa soothed with a laugh
But in every photo I hid my gaping-toothed gaffe
The first morning after sleeping in my own bed
“I’ll fit you right in,” your gallantly Maddie said
Alas—hang up your white coat and silence your drill
A new chapter awaits before you’re over-the-hill
Time to travel the globe with camera in hand
Enjoy distant beaches too, and golf traps of sand
Speaking of fairways and tees, clubs and putting greens
May your handicap shrink shrink shrink below the teens
May every rough and all bunkers your shots always miss
And your only “Sandy” time being wifey shared bliss
With deep gratitude—also a sorrowful sigh
To you, our dear friend, we raise toasting glasses high
Wishing for your thumbs to no longer arthritically ache
And joy and adventures on all the roads that you take
Happy retirement, Stacy, we love you. Slainte!
*
Echoing Chuck’s words, don’t wait for a retirement party to tell a friend that you treasure them — say so now and put a million-dollar smile on their face today.
* * *
Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn
Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is now available in paperback and eBook at Amazon (click here), other online bookstores, and is orderable at all bookshops.
*
Woody writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn.