Monthly Archives: August 2025

Crown Cost a King’s Ransom

by Woody

Woody’s award-winning novel “The Butterfly Tree” is available at Amazon (click here), other online retailers, and orderable at all bookshops.

*

I hope you have a wonderful dentist who not only keeps your smile healthy and radiant, but also puts a grin on your face each visit.

However, if you try to tell me that your dentist is better than my D.D.S., I am afraid I will have to have to knock out one of your front teeth.

Speaking of missing teeth, when I was in Scotland a handful of years ago, I was strolling along a plaza walkway when a woman tripped me from behind sending me airborne headfirst down four stairs whereupon I landed sprawled prone on a cement patio area. Miraculously, I sufferer neither a broken arm or fractured hip nor a concussion.

But my smile of lucky relief had two broken top middle front teeth.

The trip-and-run woman quickly fled the scene, but another lady came to my aid and with kind intentions handed me a pair of cufflinks-sized nuggets of teeth – I’m not sure if she expected me Gorilla Glue them back in place or keep them as souvenirs of my trip, pun intended, to The Royal & Ancient Golf Club of St. Andrews.

For the remaining week of travel that headed next through Ireland, I felt self-consciousness about opening my mouth in conversations and remained tight-lipped for photographs. So you can imagine my great gratitude when my dentist, Doc Stacy, shoehorned me into his schedule the very morning after the night I flew home. By noon, I was smiling widely again with temporary crowns and a week later had two new perfect porcelain incisors.

Doc Stacy has been my dentist for nearly half my life, better than three decades, and over that time he has given me a million-dollar smile – or, at least, six-figure pearly whites. He has given me more crowns than in marathon game of checkers; crafted a few veneers; encouraged me to get braces as an adult; and, most recently, assisted with a dental implant – specifically, tooth No. 14, the upper left permanent maxillary first molar.

By the way, what do you think a snack-sized bag of “Roasted & Sea Salted” whole almonds costs? Whatever you guessed, multiply it by about a thousand, because even with dental insurance that is how much my resulting nut-cracked tooth set me back.

The worst part of getting a shiny new chomper was having the old bad apple plucked out. Dr. Z, whose name I cannot pronounce, much less spell, is the oral surgeon who did the plucking and implanting of a titanium post.

I wanted local anesthesia rather than sedation, but Dr. Z zealously urged me to concede as well to a smidgen of intravenous magic potion to “take the edge off.” Leery he might not stop until my twilight zone became midnight, I nonetheless agreed.

I need not have worried. Dr. Z was true to his word. Right before administering the agreed-upon small dose through an IV in my forearm, he said: “You’ll feel this pretty quickly.” No sooner had “quickly” escaped his lips than I felt like I had quaffed three pints of Double IPA.

“Can I have a little more?” I asked Dr. Z, as if he were a bartender, and he happily served me a chaser that left me still awake and feeling wonnnnderrrrful.

Also wonderful was that for the next few days I had a valid excuse to eat nothing but chocolate milkshakes!

After a few months, after the implant fused fully in the jawbone, Doc Stacy added a Zirconia tooth. I can again eat anything I want – but I still pass on the almonds.

* * *

Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is now available in paperback and eBook at Amazon (click here), other online bookstores, and is orderable at all bookshops.

*

Woody writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn.

Kings of the Castle in Doubles

by Woody

Woody’s award-winning novel “The Butterfly Tree” is available at Amazon (click here), other online retailers, and orderable at all bookshops.

*

This Saturday, in Newport, Rhode Island, Mike and Bob Bryan will be formally inducted into the International Tennis Hall of Fame, so it seems fitting to share this column five summers past from my archives…

*

“Don’t tell me about your dreams of a castle,” Wayne Bryan likes to say, “show me the stones you laid today.”

When Wayne and wife Kathy’s identical twin sons, Mike and Bob, were eight years old they taped an image of their dream castle on the Camarillo family’s refrigerator door: “Become the No. 1-ranked doubles team in the tennis world!”

They then laid the stones, day after week, month after year after decade, until they had erected a castle that surpassed their wildest dreams. Indeed, when Mike and Bob retired at age 42 their career looked like Camelot.

Together, Mike and Bob have singularly been Mikeandbob – a two-headed monster with four arms and four legs, standing 12 feet, 7 inches tall and weighing 370 pounds. Even Hercules could not slay Bobandmike on a tennis court.

Their final stat line as a pro tandem: 16 Grand Slam doubles championships and 119 overall titles, both all-time records by a mile, plus Olympic gold and bronze medals for good measure. As for their wild-eyed boyhood goal, they were ranked No. 1 in the world for 438 weeks during 22 years on the ATP Tour.

Mikeandbob also authored one of the greatest goodbye statements in sports history, rivaling Lou Gehrig’s famous “Luckiest Man” speech. It reads like an award-winning children’s book, yet is inspiring for adults too:

“Many years ago, two brothers left home and embarked on a journey up a tall mountain. With knowledge from their parents and fueled by boundless passion, they moved up the mountain together, their eyes fixated on a peak they could see on the distant horizon.

“They lifted each other over boulders, pulled each other up steep cliffs, and kept each other warm when storms battered the mountain. If one boy became weary, the other pushed harder and when one boy had doubts, the other fearlessly pressed on. They often slipped and were bruised but loved their fight against the stubborn mountain.

“After years of climbing, the boys finally reached the top. The view was beautiful but not what they expected. They saw a vast landscape filled with endless ranges of even taller peaks. Without looking back, they continued on.

“The trail eventually disappeared but the boys kept going, clearing their own path and exploring undiscovered lands they never knew existed. No matter the direction, they stayed together, for they knew their journey was impossible alone.

“And when their bodies could carry them no further, they turned around and gazed upon the world they had travelled. They looked at each other, smiled proudly, and headed home shoulder to shoulder, with a newfound peace and a bond stronger than ever.”

Along their fantastical journey, Mikeandbob behaved like chivalrous knights in shining armor. For example, they gave a match-used racket to a 10-year-old boy in Japan who was fighting cancer. More special, they stayed in touch. When they later learned he was on his deathbed, they expressed a final package of gifts to him.

A small thing? The young fan passed away wearing a shirt autographed by his twin heroes.

One more example of thousands: For a young girl fan who was in the hospital after attempting suicide, Bobandmike sent a video message complete with a musical performance – Bob on keyboard, Mike on drums – of an original song they wrote specifically for her.

Back when the kid Bryan Brothers first posted their lofty castle dream on the refrigerator, their mom Kathy told them: “It’s far more important who you are as people than who you are as athletes.”

Remarkably, Mikeandbob climbed that Mount Everest, too.

* * *

Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is now available in paperback and eBook at Amazon (click here), other online bookstores, and is orderable at all bookshops.

Wins, Losses Don’t Tell Full Story

by Woody

Woody’s award-winning novel “The Butterfly Tree” is available at Amazon (click here), other online retailers, and orderable at all bookshops.

*

In a celebratory banquet room one recent summer afternoon, I learned about a somber hospital room from nearly two winters past and my esteem for a man I have admired for four decades further grew.

The happy occasion was a retirement party for Phil Mathews, honoring his half-century of coaching basketball, including a decade of dominance at Ventura College from 1986 to 1995 when he guided the Pirate men to ten consecutive conference banners with state titles coming in his second and final seasons.

His overall record as head coach at a handful of schools, including the University of San Francisco, was an eye-popping 611-354; he also enjoyed laudable success as an assistant, including at UCLA; and for good reason has been inducted into three different halls of fame.

Joey Ramirez and Phil Mathews

And so, also for good reason, more than 200 former players and fellow coaches, family members and friends, and even one bygone sports writer, showed up to show him their respect and gratitude and love.

A few laughs were shared reminiscing about Phil’s fire-and-brimstone coaching style, but more important were the heartfelt stories that offered a truer measure of the man; a man who, despite the full-court-like pressure the college coaching profession puts on marriages, has fast-breaked to 32 wedding anniversaries with his dear bride Margie; a man who is Velcro close with his four children in adulthood; a man who remains an active father figure to five decades worth of players.

Joey Ramirez played for Mathews at VC and later became the Pirates’ second-winningest head coach behind him, but he told the assemblage that the most important way he wanted to emulate his mentor was as a champion husband and dad. Goal achieved, for as he spoke, Joey’s lovely wife Olivia and two of their three affable sons looked on proudly.

There were no smiles in the Ramirez family two Decembers ago, however, after Joey contacted COVID and legionnaires disease and severe pneumonia – a medical triple-threat that landed him in the ICU for nearly two weeks while being intubated and fully sedated.

The great poet Robert Frost famously said, “No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.” Conversely, Joey proved as he spoke at the podium this day: tears in the speaker, tears in the listeners. In a choked voice, Joey said that upon finally regaining consciousness in the hospital the first person he saw at bedside keeping vigil was his ol’ coach.

Something like that doesn’t go on a Hall-of-Fame plaque, but should.

Let me close with a story about the National Cathedral in Washington D.C. The magnificent edifice took 83 years to build, from 1907 to 1990, and near the end of construction progress slowed to a crawl because it became nearly impossible to find stonecutters with the skill necessary to prepare the stones properly.

Curious about this dying art on life support, a journalist went to the job site and interviewed two of the remaining stonecutters. Specifically, the writer asked the pair of master craftsmen to explain what they were doing.

“I’m shaping this stone so that it fits perfectly into that space over there,” the first stonecutter replied, pointing.

Coach Mathews certainly shaped his players to fit perfectly into their roles to help their teams succeed year after year after year. But it was the second stonecutter who truly epitomized Phil, for he offered a grander answer: “I am building a cathedral.”

By dedicating his adult life to shaping young basketball players into successful men in the game of life, Philip Lewis Mathews has indeed built a beautiful cathedral.

* * *

Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is now available in paperback and eBook at Amazon (click here), other online bookstores, and is orderable at all bookshops.

*

Woody writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn.

Little Boy With A Big Sisterhood

by Woody

Woody’s award-winning novel “The Butterfly Tree” is available at Amazon (click here), other online retailers, and orderable at all bookshops.

*

Dearest Jayden Ansel Woodburn,

Welcome to the world and to our family!

You were born at noon, precisely on the midday stroke, in the middle of summer and so fittingly a quote from William Shakespeare’s “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” came to my mind – about maiden Hermia, but altered for your gender: “Though he be but little, he is fierce.”

At 6 pounds and 11 ounces, you were not all that little by newborn standards, Jayden, only one ounce smaller than your big sister Amara was two orbits ago; and certainly not at all little compared to your Auntie Dallas who, as a preemie, weighed a mere 2 pounds, 6 ounces. All the same, you arrival demanded fierceness.

I recall a philosopher’s reflection that being born is the most arduous thing each of us will ever do: leaving a warm and perfect haven inside our mother’s womb for the cold and harsh world; being squeezed and torqued, pushed and pulled; finally, the literally breathtaking shock of taking our very first breath of in-rushing air.

Jayden, you came through your arduous 30-hour journey of labor like Hercules triumphant over his dozen tasks – as did your heroic Mommy, who is somehow fiercer, kinder and smarter too, than she is outwardly beautiful.

You likewise won the Parent SuperLotto with your Daddy, who is my son, who I long ago nicknamed “Grog” and since he calls me “Big Grog” that makes you “Little Grog.”

Lady Fortune furthermore bestowed upon you a trifecta of blue-chip uncles – Allyn, Ben, and Matt – but it is the sisterhood of women warriors you are blessed to have watching over you that merit the loudest song of praise.

To begin, grandmothers Gloria and Lisa (“GeeGee” and “NeNe”) are supremely kind and brave, wise and playful, lovely and loving. Always take pride, Jayden, that their DNA is woven into yours.

Aunties Stephanie, Beverly, Jennifer, and Dallas merit the moniker “Fab Four” as surely as do the Beatles (Google them, Jayden), for they are remarkable women of great heart and fortitude and intellect and charm.

Actually, Little Grog, you are also blessed with a second little “fab four” – lowercase – in cousins Maya, Auden, Mariah, and Mackenzie. They will tease you, assuredly and endlessly, but will always have your back as their little prince.

Which brings me to your four-leaf clover of a Big Sis. It doesn’t take a crystal ball to foresee all the fun and games, love and laughter, memories and mischief, you and Amara will share.

Speaking of sharing, I want to tell you the heritage of your middle name. My Grandpa Ansel – your great-great-grandfather – was definitively the finest man I ever knew … until your father, who shares your middle name Ansel, grew into adulthood. In my heart of hearts, I wish for you one day to stand atop their shoulders.

Lastly for now, Jayden, to honor your roots that grew deep in Ireland’s soil two centuries distant on your paternal side and maternally reach back more recently to Ghana, let me share with you portions from two native blessings:

“May the road rise to meet you / May the wind be always at your back / May the sun shine warm upon your face / May the dreams you hold dearest be those that come true / And the kindness you spread keep returning to you.

“May your life be like a rich kente cloth, vibrant and woven with threads of joy, / Each year a new pattern, a story told, in happiness, peace, and love’s employ.”

With love to the moon,

Big Grog

* * *

Essay copyrights Woody Woodburn

Woody’s new novel “The Butterfly Tree” is now available in paperback and eBook at Amazon (click here), other online bookstores, and is orderable at all bookshops.

*

Woody writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @woodywoodburn.