Is your Club or Group looking for an inspiring guest speaker or do you want to host a book signing? . . . Contact Woody today!

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For a Personalized Autographed copy of “STRAWBERRIES IN WINTERTIME” or “WOODEN & ME” mail a check for $25 to:

Woody Woodburn

400 Roosevelt Court

Ventura, CA 93003

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Clearing Out The Email In-Box A Little

Time and again, I find that writing about the personal is also universal. Such was indeed the case with my column last week “Lowlights From High in the Sky” about some of my encounters while flying.

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“Having traveled extensively hither and yon on airlines, my wife and I are just amazed at the way people dress, or perhaps undress, when air traveling today,” Rick Throckmorton wrote in an email.

“We haven’t quite seen a ‘Shorty Shorts’ (yet), but on our last trip back East recently, we were rather appalled at a traveling group of young women who seemed to be in a contest of who could wear the least and still get boarded.

“Then there are those traveling in dirty work clothes, pajamas (adults not kids), flip flops and the like. And my recent flight from Denver to K.C. in a small turbo-prop commuter, when my seatmate, weighing (no exaggeration) 400 pounds, literally forced me into the window seat, so that I could barely move.  Thank goodness it was only a 90-minute flight.

“Ever seen the John Wayne movie ‘The High in the Mighty’? This movie, panned later in the comedy ‘Airport,’ shows how people in the 1950’s dressed when flying. While we don’t expect evening dresses, high heels and suits and ties anymore, people could/should wear business or sports attire when paying hundreds of dollars for their airline tickets.

“If not that, at least to show less of one’s body when perhaps more should be covered up.”

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From Cecilia Weismann: “My only story is about the woman across the aisle from me who took off her flip flops and proceeded to put her feet up on the arm rest only to expose the filthy black bottoms of her feet!”

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“I had an experience on a Greyhound bus from San Francisco to Santa Barbara,” shared Peggy Poehler. “A very large man sat next to me on this trip and fell asleep. As he slept, he ‘grew’!

“He took over all of his seat and was spreading out onto my seat. I had to move toward the center aisle of the bus to get any room for me to sit. I actually had to ‘elbow him’ to keep him from taking over both of the seats!”

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“Thank you for giving the story a voice,” Ventura Judith Smith wrote in response to my column about her autistic nephew Riffy’s caregiver driver, Sunshine, who has hit on hard times and is in danger of losing the mini-van she uses to assist those in need.

“Sunshine saw a rainbow,” Judith added in an update. “An anonymous person is providing an interest free loan.”

Moreover, Star readers have generously contributed more than $1,000 to the Go Fund Me campaign (www.gofundme.com/sunshine-driving-service) to help Sunshine.

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Responding to my column about visiting my son in New York City, and specifically my getting lost en route to the NY Public Library, Bill Grewe wrote:

“Woody, I enjoyed hearing about your trip. When that woman raced back at the subway station to find you and point you in the correct direction, you had found gold. Your trip could have ended then and you would have taken home a lasting memory.

“Like the guy who offered you ice-cold bottled water when he saw you in need at a local park, who are these kind people? I don’t know, but they are worthy of hopping a plane or running a mile to meet.”

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Who are these kind people? You had found gold?

That is precisely how I feel about my readers.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Check out my memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and my essay collection “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” …

• Personalized signed copies are available at WoodyWoodburn.com
• Unsigned paperbacks or Kindle ebook can be purchased here at Amazon

Is your Club or Group looking for an inspiring guest speaker or do you want to host a book signing? . . . Contact Woody today!

* * *

For a Personalized Autographed copy of “STRAWBERRIES IN WINTERTIME” or “WOODEN & ME” mail a check for $25 to:

Woody Woodburn

400 Roosevelt Court

Ventura, CA 93003

* * *

Lowlights From High in the Sky

Mark Twain, an enthusiastic proponent of travel, famously advised, “Throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor.”

Wise counsel, yet often in the course of sailing – or flying – away I get tangled in the bowlines, so to speak.

One memorable occasion occurred when I was taking a brand-new suitcase on its maiden trip. “Big Red” was the nickname my son bestowed on the beast when he greeted me at the luggage carousel.

Exiting the airport we took a long escalator up. Warning: Don’t text while riding an escalator. With my hands momentarily off of Big Red’s handle, it tumbled backwards.

More accurately, Big Red tumbled in place like a boulder on a treadmill while I was carried higher and further away. By the time I made my way down the up-moving stairway and wrestled control of Big Red, it looked like Edward Scissorhands had been its baggage handler. Good grief it was hilarious.

Speaking of hilarity, I have become somewhat of a legend within my family for finding myself next to memorable (pronounced “annoying”) seatmates when I fly solo. I am not talking about the run-of-the-mill characters like The Talker who keeps you from a novel or nap, or The Armrest Hog who pirates your elbow room, or The Fussy Baby or The Drunk.

Lots of passengers these non-frill-no-meal days bring food on the flight, such as fast-food hamburgers, deli sandwiches, even a full pizza. I, on the other hand, had a seatmate pull from his backpack a Tupperware tub of hot soup.

Soup is simply not a plane food. I am guessing he bought the albondigas at a kiosk and transferred it into the Tupperware as a spill-proof measure. The measure failed. A bounce of turbulence left me with a soaked-and-burning thigh.

Similarly, I had another seatmate pull out a large bowl. Granted, a salad is hardly unusual, even at 30,000 feet. But this one became memorable when the man began devouring it like The Beast in “Beauty And The Beast.” Indeed, I was hit numerous times by flying lettuce shrapnel.

“Shorty Shorts” on flight to Boston.

Another beastly encounter was a seatmate who spent most of the flight with her arms raised and crossed resting atop her head. Oh, and was wearing a tank top – her bare armpits at my nose level. Unlike “Salad Beast,” I had no appetite.

I could go on at length, but here is my personal topper. On a flight from Los Angeles to Boston, where the weather upon arrival was forecast to be rainy with temperatures in the 30s, my stout seatmate boarded wearing only sneakers (no socks), tank top and shorts.

Let me clarify the latter: short shorts.

Even that description does not do justice. Let me try further. They looked like P.E. gym shorts circa 1970. Larry Bird and Magic Johnson wore longer shorts in their heyday. Olympic milers wear longer shorts. Forget Twain’s “Throw off the bowlines” – I wished: Lower the hemlines!

Worse, upon sitting down, Shorty Short’s shorts were pushed higher, revealing so much thigh as to venture from “PG-13” to “R.” Words fail—fall short, if you will—in giving a full picture, which is probably a good thing.

Certain that my family would surely accuse me of exaggeration, or under-exaggeration, I knew visual proof would be required. Surreptitiously, I snapped a knee-to-waist photo while feigning to be texting.

“Fotomat,” my wife said, squinting her eyes tight as if trying to un-see the photo on my phone, “would have refused to make a print of that!”

At least Shorty Shorts kept his armpits to himself.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Check out my memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece” and my essay collection “Strawberries in Wintertime: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” …

• Personalized signed copies are available at WoodyWoodburn.com
• Unsigned paperbacks or Kindle ebook can be purchased here at Amazon