Monthly Archives: April 2016

Catherdrals of Curiosity

by Woody

STRAW_CoverWoody’s highly anticipated new book “STRAWBERRIES IN WINTERTIME: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” is NOW available! Order your signed copy HERE! 

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Libraries: Cathedrals of Curiosity

Nearly a half-century has passed, yet the memory remains vivid and magical. My fellow first-graders in Miss James’ class went on a field trip to the Center of Science and Industry in downtown Columbus, Ohio.

Before we saw the erected dinosaur skeletons and caveman displays and moving constellations inside the planetarium, we were greeted in the cathedral-like entry foyer by a gargantuan pendulum that seemed to hang down from the heavens so high overhead was its anchor pivot.

The bowling ball-sized “massive bob” swung to and fro in slow motion while on the floor around the circumference of its path were wooden pegs. With each swing, the point at the end of silver bob inched closer and closer to the next upright peg in line until the margin it missed by was razor thin. Then, finally, another miniature bowling pin would topple. It was mesmerizing.1librarypic

Another cathedral, similarly so quiet you could have heard a wooden peg drop on its tiled floors, made a lasting impression on me that same year when my mom took me to the Upper Arlington Public Library to get me my very own library card.

Inside this magical place I also could learn about T-Rex, Neanderthals and the Big Digger – and so much more. I even remember the first book I checked out: “Where the Wild Things Are.” This was a case where judging a book by its cover turned out wonderfully.

My enchanted experience is nearly universal. Indeed, it is rare to meet an adult who doesn’t fondly recall getting their library card as a child.

“I discovered me in the library,” the great author Ray Bradbury said. “I went to find me in the library.”

And this from the poet Maya Angelou: “I always felt, in any town, if I can get to a library, I’ll be OK. It really helped me as a child, and that never left me.”

Inventing the public library, in 1731, might have been Benjamin Franklin’s greatest act of genius. The Ventura County Library system is quite venerable itself, proudly celebrating its 100th anniversary this week.

Much has changed since 1916 – even since 2006. Card catalogues are now digitalized; e-books, movies and music are available at our libraries; free WiFi and computer access are also offered.

Sadly, even tragically, too many people see libraries as outdated in this Google era and a waste of taxpayer money. These naysayers are as wrong as a Social Sciences title, which belongs in the Dewey Decimal System’s 300 section, being shelved in the 500s for Science.1libraryquote

Here is what my dear friend, and favorite librarian, Allyson would like you to know:

“In the 21st Century, we’re not your Grandma’s librarian! Librarians have always been the ‘original search engine,’ but in this age of technology librarians are needed more than ever.

“In the 21st century, people are faced with an ocean of information, in an explosion of formats from a huge variety of authors, with a wide range of credibility. We need librarians more than ever to help us learn the skills to navigate this ocean.

“In an age of widening income inequality, libraries remain dedicated to the radical proposition that everyone has a right to access humanity’s knowledge, and the right to read for pleasure.

“In an era where everything from job and college applications to car buying and banking is done online, libraries provide not only free internet access but guidance, insuring that information does not become the domain of the few and the wealthy.

“Libraries are centers for all kinds of events and exchanges of ideas,” Allyson continues passionately. “They are the heart of the community. And the only passport required to enter is curiosity.”

Me again. Curiosity, and a library card, will take you anywhere and everywhere. And while the pendulum may swing towards technology, it always swings back to print books and human librarians.

In truth, I need not have told you Allyson is my friend so long as I mentioned she is a librarian. From Benjamin Franklin’s time to today, every librarian is a friend to all who enter these cathedrals of curiosity.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Wooden&Me_cover_PRCheck out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”

Antidote for Bad News

by Woody

STRAW_CoverWoody’s highly anticipated new book “STRAWBERRIES IN WINTERTIME: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” is NOW available! Order your signed copy HERE! 

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Catching Good News by the Tail

Sometimes after you finish reading the newspaper you want to wash your hands – not just of newsprint, but of humanity.

One is reminded of former Supreme Court Chief Justice Earl Warren’s comment, “I always turn to the sports pages first, which records people’s accomplishments. The front page has nothing but man’s failures.”

Now, even the sports pages are filled with cheats and liars and scoundrels.

As an antidote, here are a few stories to lift the spirits.

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“Van Gogh would’ve sold more than one painting,” noted Bill Watterson, creator of the classic comic strip Calvin and Hobbs that features a six-year-old boy and his stuffed toy tiger who is real in Calvin’s imagination, “if he’d put tigers in them.”1calvinhobbs

In recent years it has seemed the only tigers left will soon be those in paintings.

In 2010, the world’s population of tigers in the wild was officially estimated at 3,200 – and declining. Indeed, Cambodia this year declared its tiger population had gone extinct. Meanwhile, new figures put Vietnam’s tiger count at five and China’s at seven.

Now the good news. According to “Scientific American,” despite the impact of poachers, deforestation and development, wild tigers are beginning to claw their way back in numerous countries. The top three are Indonesia with 371 tigers, Russia has 433, and India has 2,226.

Overall, the latest estimate of wild tigers is now 3,890.

Better news to make Calvin and Hobbs both smile: This marks the first time in more than a century the wild tiger population worldwide has increased.

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Speaking of Tigers, I saw an old Calvin and Hobbs comic strip posted on Facebook the other day that made me smile:

Panel one. Calvin tells his striped friend, as they look outside through a window: “In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside.”

Panel two. Seated at a table with a pile of homework in front of him, Calvin continues: “In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful.”

Panel three. Whizzing down a steep hill on a sled, with Hobbs holding on from behind, Calvin concludes: “But in the very long term, I know which will make better memories.”

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In the novel “To Kill a Mockingbird,” hero Atticus Finch tells his daughter, Scout: “You never really know a man till you walk a mile in his shoes.”

Outside a Waffle House in Indianapolis recently, a hero wearing a police uniform saw a man walking in shoes that were literally falling apart.

The homeless man was basically shoeless because size-17s are nearly impossible to find at a Goodwill shop.

The police officer, who has insisted on remaining anonymous, made it his mission to help. After air balls at Wal-Mart and sporting goods stores, he took a full-court heave and contacted the Indiana Pacers. It turns out NBA center Roy Hibbert wears size-17s.

Unfortunately, Hibbert left the Pacers for the Lakers. Fortunately, a pair of his shoes were found left behind.

According to a story in the Indy Star, the homeless man cried when he put on the white-yellow-and-blue high-tops; the officers cried; and the Waffle House employees cried.

I bet Atticus would have been happily teary-eyed, too.

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One more story of giving. Sofia Andrade, a single mom in Massachusetts, recently won $200 on a lottery ticket. Later that day, as temperatures dropped below zero, she encountered a homeless man and bought him coffee and a meal – and, with her scratch-off winnings, three nights in a warm motel.

She also started a GoFundMe page that within 24 hours raised $5,000 for rent for Glenn Williams. Additional benefactors donated warm-weather clothing, food, and a barber gave him a free haircut.

“There’s a lot of good people in this world,” Williams told Boston’s ABC-TV affiliate WCVB. “I’m overwhelmed with all the help.”

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Calvin and Hobbs again, this time the stuffed tiger tells the boy: “You know, there are times when it’s a sense of personal pride to not be human.”

Other times, our pride is restored.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Wooden&Me_cover_PRCheck out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”

Nobody Asked Me, But…

by Woody

STRAW_CoverWoody’s highly anticipated new book “STRAWBERRIES IN WINTERTIME: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” is NOW available! Order your signed copy HERE! 

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Thoughts and Rants on This and That

Nobody asked me, but here goes anyway . . .

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Back in the dinosauric pre-computer age, which my writing career’s beginning touched the ending, journalists composed stories on typewriters and turned in hard-copy pages.

Instead of typing “The End” as with a movie script, a writer would put “–30–” at the bottom to let the typesetter know the story was over.1_30

I bring this up because Stephen Curry, the NBA’s reigning MVP on the reigning champion Golden State Juggernauts (pronounced “Warriors”), wears jersey number 30.

Nobody asked me, but I think the league should make Curry add two dashes and wear “–30–” because when he’s on the court, the game is pretty much over.

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The 2016 NCAA championship basketball game proved, once again, that sports is the most exciting “reality TV” imaginable.

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The murder trial of Jane Laut, who was recently convicted of first-degree murder in the shooting her husband Dave Laut at their Oxnard home on Aug. 27, 2009, proved that reality journalism of a high-profile trial is far more captivating than any CSI TV series.

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Add Laut trial: One of the most important aspects of VC Star reporter Marjorie Hernandez’s outstanding daily coverage of the unfolding drama, I believe, was in showing how far the tragedy ripples out and how many people it touches beyond the victim and perpetrator – from family members and friends, of course, to colleagues and even jurors who had to hear grisly details.

Indeed, this wasn’t CSI Oxnard, this was – and is – real life, real death, and a real life sentence in prison.

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It is so refreshing, and welcoming, to visit a city that doesn’t have parking meters.1park

While I’m resigned that moneymaking meters are here to stay in downtown Ventura, is it too much to ask they be upgraded so as not to be so frustratingly slow? On top of delays between each button that must be selected in the process, they finicky-ly spit out perfectly valid credit cards.

Add in a patron who forgets the ID number of their parking spot – understandable after the lengthy delays – or if a couple people are waiting in line, and you can be late for a movie of dinner reservation.

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It takes dirty fingernails and an ugly blister, or three, to grow a beautiful garden. That’s pretty much true for any accomplishment. Just saying. . .

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Just asking: Why is it that an airline passenger seat or the driver’s seat in a car is so much less comfortable than spending the same length of time in a movie-theater seat or on a sofa?

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Nobody asked me, but I think most will agree it’s difficult (pronounced “impossible”) to imagine the frontrunner of the “Party of Lincoln” saying the words below from President Abraham Lincoln’s famous second inaugural address:

“With malice towards none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation’s wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan, to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations.”

More Trump-like is this: “With malice towards all, charity for none . . . ”

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Tesla Motors founder Elon Musk announced that its Model 3 mass-market electric vehicle – which, with an average mix of options, will cost about $42,000 – had 180,000 pre-ordered in the first 24 hours.

That eye-popping total soared like a SpaceX rocket – a company Musk also founded – to 325,000 after just one week. This is all the more remarkable considering a deposit of $1,000 was required for a car that won’t be delivered until 2017.

For those with wallets fatter than a Big Mac, the Model 3 is the iPhone 6 of cars. Musk – this generation’s 2.0 version of Steve Jobs – didn’t ask me, but he should rename it the iTesla 3.

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For my observations, comments and complaints today, that’s a –30–

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Wooden&Me_cover_PRCheck out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”

Wading in with Pizza Theory

by Woody

STRAW_CoverWoody’s highly anticipated new book “STRAWBERRIES IN WINTERTIME: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter” is NOW available! Order your signed copy HERE! 

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Wading in with Theory on Pizza

 “Filial imprinting” is the learning process where a young animal becomes attached to its parent and copies what it does. However, as Austrian ethologist and 1973 Nobel Prize-winner Konrad Lorenz famously demonstrated, upon coming out of their eggs, goslings, ducklings and chicks will imprint on the first moving object they encounter and become socially attached to it.

Konrad Lorenz with feathered friends in tow.

Konrad Lorenz with feathered friends in tow.

Usually, this moving object is the mother goose, duck or hen, but Lozenz showed it can also be a human – or, expressly in his case, the young birds imprinted on his wading boots that were at their eye level.

In one experiment, Lorenz even showed goslings could imprint on a cardboard box. When the box was then placed on a model train the gosling followed it around and around as it circled an oval track.

I bring this up because I have my own theory of imprinting that also involves a box – a pizza box. Specifically, my Theory of Pizza Imprinting is that the very first slice we ever taste becomes our ideal “pie.” Thin crust or deep dish; extra saucy or super cheesy; crispy crust or soft edges; no toppings or many; these specifics are what we will prefer forevermore.

My personal perfect pizza still mimics the first slices I had nearly five decades past from “Leonardo’s,” a mom-and-pop take-out-only pizzeria in my boyhood hometown in Ohio. Leonardo’s pizza had a thin-but-bready dough and the edge crust was nearly-burnt-crispy delicious.

Leonardo’s pies were actually square and cut into 16 pieces, meaning the four middle slices had no crust. These interior pieces were always the last to go because, lacking crust to anchor the cheese, the entire melted slab tended to slide off with your first bite leaving behind only the bready bottom wet with tomato sauce.

1pizzabox1pizzaPepperoni was the only topping I remember our family getting on Pizza Nights and even this imprinted: Leonardo’s thin-sliced pepperoni –

like its dough crust – was wonderfully crisp around the curled-up edges.

For pizza like Leonardo’s I continue to search. In fact, I even prefer the rare Italian pies that are square because the challenge of eating a crust-less interior slice without all the cheese coming off and flopping onto my chin on the first bite adds a dash of heartwarming nostalgia to the recipe.

Pizza imprinting is so powerful I have friends whose ideal pie is as rubbery as one of Lorenz’s old wading boots because their virgin slice was delivered in a franchise-logoed flat box.

While the imprinting is not quite as strong, I believe my pizza theory holds with other foods – especially “comfort” foods such as the meatloaf or mashed potatoes like your mom made; or your grandma’s chocolate-chip cookies; even the first hot dog you remember relishing.

I am reminded of this whenever my daughter or son returns home to Ventura and they crave fish-‘n’-chips from Andria’s Seafood at the Harbor. Meanwhile, the hot dogs they still hold as their standard are not Dodger Dogs, but those once served at long-gone Cartwright’s hut on Main Street.

Frankly, I had not thought of berries being on the menu for my imprint theory until a local reader commented about my boyhood experience having strawberries in wintertime from a roadside stand in Saticoy.

“Your column reminds me of Northern New York State and our visits to small stands along the highway where on display, and for sale, were fruit and vegetables grown by the Amish community,” Reva writes in an earthquaky cursive that suggests her sweet recollections are from many decades past.

“California strawberries served in our retirement facility are unusually sour and don’t improve with the addition of sweeteners,” she continues. “You must put Amish strawberries, in person to sample, on your ‘some day’ list.’ It’s well worth the trip. ”

I, for one, cannot imagine our Ventura County strawberries being sour compared to strawberries from upstate New York, or anywhere, anymore than I can imagine a wading boot looking like a mother goose. I think pizza-like imprinting, and perhaps aging taste buds, is the only explanation that holds water.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Wooden&Me_cover_PRCheck out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”