Halloween Suggestions

STRAW_CoverWoody’s new book STRAWBERRIES IN WINTERTIME: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter is available for Pre-Order HERE NOW!

*   *   *

Trick-or-Treaters I’d Like to See

Spoiler alert for tonight. According to Google Freightgeist, the 10 most-popular Halloween costumes nationwide this year are: Harley Quinn, Star Wars, Superhero, Pirate, Batman, Minnie Mouse, Witch, Minions, Joker, and Wonder Woman.

Harley Quinn

Harley Quinn

I don’t know about you, but this list raised a couple questions for me, the first being: Who, or what, is Harley Quinn? A new motorcycle? After a Google search I learned that Harley Quinn, aka Dr. Harleen Frances Quinzel, M.D., is a DC Comics character and adversary of Batman.

As for her why her costume ranks No. 1, well, I’m guessing adult women more than girls account for this as Quinn is basically The Joker version of The Sexy Nurse costume.

My second question: Isn’t it redundant for Google Freightgeist to list “Superhero” when Batman and Wonder Woman are also ranked? And where in he world is Superman?

Google Freightgeist also has an interesting map showing popularity by region and city. Ventura does not appear, but Santa Barbara’s Top 5 are: Sexy Pirate, Sexy Snow White, Sexy Lion, Sexy Gray Wolf, and Sexy Doll. (Note: I added the Sexy after Googling these costumes that are obviously marketed for women.)

Indeed, unlike when I was a kid, Halloween has become a national holiday for adults, too. If you can believe it, pets now also get in on the fun with Batman and Lion being the two most popular costumes this year on eBay.

When I was a kid, no one bought Halloween costumes for their pets or children. You made do. For example, my Batman costume consisted of thermal underwear as Bat-Tights and a bath towel pinned around my neck.

In that same spirit, instead of sterile costumes from a box, here are some outside-the-box Halloween outfits I’d like to see come knocking on my door tonight:

Real superhero firemen, paramedics and nurses dressed up as cartoon superheroes with capes.

Teachers, and most especially special-needs educators, same as above.

Superman, Batman and Iron Man dressed up as Anthony Sadler, Alek Skarlatos and Spencer Stone, the three American tourists who helped thwart a terrorist gunman on a train bound for Paris earlier this summer.

Vin Scully wearing a headset as a guest in Fox TV’s broadcast booth for the 2015 World Series.

Angels manager Mike Scioscia dressed up again in a Dodgers uniform.

The 2015 New York Mets dressed up as the Amazin’ Mets of 1969.

The Cubs dressed as World Series Champions.

Malala Yousafzai dressed up as the future President of the United Nations.

Donald Trump dressed up as a mime and Dr. Ben Carson as an over-caffeinated high-energy TV pitchman.

Bernie Sanders as, of course, Larry David.

Every presidential candidate in both parties dressed up as someone taking a lie-detector test.

Martin Shkreli, CEO of Turing Pharmaceuticals who put a 5,000 percent markup on a lifesaving drug, dressed as greedy Mr. Potter from “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Or as a thief in jail stripes.

Kobe Bryant dressed in his rookie Lakers uniform, complete with young, springy legs.

Tom Brady in a costume as a deflated football.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell dressed up as a concussion patient.

1tricktreatA family out for dinner in a restaurant dressed as Amish Mennonites instead of everyone having his or her attention focused on a smartphone screen.

No one in costume as Caitlyn Jenner.

Mrs. Figs’ Bookworm owner Connie Halpern dressed as Oprah because she’s equally effervescent and a book reader’s best friend.

Roger Thompson, Venturan author of “My Best Friend’s Funeral,” dressed up as a New York Times best-selling writer.

Drew Daywalt, local author of two children’s books currently atop the NYT Best Sellers List with “The Day The Crayons Came Home” at No. 1 and “The Day The Crayons Quit” at No. 3, dressed up as, of course, a crayon.

The USDA Food Pyramid dressed up as a Fourth of July red-white-and-blue paper plate stacked with hotdogs, bacon and cold cuts.

KVTA radio early-morning host Tom Spence dressed as The Tonight Show’s late-night host Jimmy Fallon because Spence is funnier.

Every drunk driver dressed up as a taxi, Uber or Lyft passenger.

Lastly, my wife as Harley Quinn.

* * *

Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.Wooden&Me_cover_PR

Check out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”

Reflecting at 9/11 Pools

STRAW_CoverWoody’s new book STRAWBERRIES IN WINTERTIME: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter is available for Pre-Order HERE NOW!

*   *   *

At Adventure’s End, Some Reflecting

This is the fifth and final column in a series about my recent travels to the Eastern Seaboard to visit my son – and visit much more.

*

The Smiling Pool, from the children’s books by Thornton Burgess, is aptly named because viewed from atop an overlooking hill – as Burgess did often during his boyhood in East Sandwich, Massachusetts – its curved shape resembles a smile. Indeed, it remains a happy place to sojourn.

1twinpools

One of the twin reflecting pools outside the 9/11 Memorial Museum

My emotions were completely polar at the next pool of water I visited. Actually, pools plural: the twin reflecting pools at the National September 11 Memorial in lower Manhattan. The Crying Pools seems apropos.

Each reflecting pool is nearly an acre square situated on the footprints where the Twin Towers majestically stood. Water pours over all four edges of each pool at a rate of 3,000 gallons per minute, forming waterfall curtains, before disappearing down a small square abyss at the bottom.

The symbolism of the flow rate is heart numbing because nearly 3,000 lives disappeared in the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001 and Feb. 26, 1993. These victims’ names are inscribed on bronze panels on the parapets surrounding the pools. The result is to turn many eyes into miniature reflecting pools overflowing with tears.

This was my first return to the site since Tuesday, June 11, 2002 – nine months to the day after the World Trade Center became Ground Zero. I know this because I still have my “WTC:00 Viewing Platform – 2:00-2:30 pm” ticket.

I remember very little from those NBA Finals I covered, other than the Lakers played the Nets, but the sight of the steep-sided square hole in the ground remains unforgettable. It looked like a gargantuan grave.

Inside the 9/11 Memorial Museum the somberness is even more overwhelming than at the twin reflecting pools. Boxes of tissues are placed liberally throughout yet short lines still form. My wife teared up within the first two minutes of entering the exhibition. She had lasted longer than I.

To tour the museum once is a must, I believe; I believe also I could not bear to do so again.

To describe the experience would require a dozen columns. Instead, I will share a single image that most profoundly affected me. It is the transcript of a phone call from Brian Sweeney, a 38-year-old passenger aboard United Airlines Flight 175, to his wife. Julie wasn’t home, so he left his last words on their answering machine:

“Jules, this is Brian. Listen, I’m on an airplane that’s been hijacked. If things don’t go well, and it’s not looking good, I just want you to know I absolutely love you. I want you to do good. Go have a good time. Same to my parents and everybody. And I just totally love you and I’ll see you when you get there. Bye, babe. I’ll try to call you.”

At 9:03 a.m. the plane crashed into the South Tower.

As I wrote in this series previously, this trip took on an “author” theme with Ralph Waldo Emerson, Henry David Thoreau, Louisa May Alcott, Nathaniel Hawthorne and Thornton W. Burgess playing roles.

However, I believe Brian Sweeney’s words – composed with no time for writer’s block, no chance to edit and polish them – are as potent and poignant as any left behind by the above masters.

A statue of JFK walking barefoot in the sand

A statue of JFK walking barefoot in the sand

After telling my son to do good, have a good time and that I absolutely love him, I hugged him goodbye while battling to keep my twin reflecting pools of green from overflowing, my heart buoyed in knowing he has settled into New York City quickly, made friends, likes his new job and is enjoying this exciting chapter in his life.

On the plane home, a quote from one more author – J.F.K. wrote the 1957 Pulitzer Prize-winning “Profiles in Courage” – came back to mind. I had seen it earlier in our trip at the John F. Kennedy Hyannis Museum in Cape Cod:

“I always go to Hyannisport to be revived, to know again the power of the sea and the Master who rules over it and us.”

This is how I always feel returning to Ventura.

* * *

Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Wooden-&-Me-cover-mock-upCheck out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”

 

Side Trip Brings a Smile

 STRAW_CoverWoody’s new book STRAWBERRIES IN WINTERTIME: Essays on Life, Love, and Laughter is available for Pre-Order HERE NOW!

*  *  *

Side-trip Adventure Brings a Smile

This is the fourth in a four-column series on my recent travels to the Eastern Seaboard to visit my son – and visit much more.

* * *

The loveliness of Walden Pond in person is threefold beyond expectations, but 80 miles southwest – as Sammy Jay flies – I happened upon a small body of water that not only rivals Henry David Thoreau’s famous basin, it lives up to its own name: The Smiling Pool.

Most likely you are not familiar with Sammy Jay and his fellow characters who lived in, and played near, The Smiling Pool and neighboring Old Briar Patch in “The Bedtime Story-Books” series written by Thornton W. Burgess beginning in 1910.

My often-read copy of The Adventures of Buster Bear.

My often-read copy of The Adventures of Buster Bear.

But the various “Adventures of” Jimmy Skunk, Grandfather Frog, Old Man Coyote, Bobby Raccoon, Jerry Muskrat, Buster Bear and a menagerie of forest friends wearing clothes were my dad’s favorite stories in the 1930s; mine in the ’60s; and, in turn, my daughter’s and sons’ most-requested in the early 1990s. The tattered book jackets and finger-worn pages of 20 hardcover editions reveal how often they have been reread.

Sometimes you take a trip and other times, I believe, a trip takes you. The latter can be better.

After my wife and I were shown the Mayflower Society House, where pilgrim descendant Ralph Waldo Emerson was married, in Plymouth, Massachusetts; then unexpectedly stumbled upon “Authors’ Ridge” where Emerson, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Louisa May Alcott and Thoreau are eternal neighbors in Sleepy Hollow Cemetery in Concord; followed by a visit to nearby Walden Pond, it was apparent an “author” theme had grabbed our road map.

So it was that in Cape Cod I serendipitously learned the Thornton W. Burgess Society Museum was in nearby East Sandwich. A side trip beckoned me like Chatterer The Red Squirrel to a pile or acorns.

Burgess, who was born in 1874, is certainly not as acclaimed as the Fab Four at Author’s Ridge. However, during the first half of the 20th Century, it was claimed at the museum, he was as popular as Sesame Street is today.

By the time of his death at age 90, Burgess authored more than 170 books and had 16,000 stories syndicated in newspapers across the country. His work was also published around the world in French, Spanish, German, Italian, Swedish and Gaelic.

And yet “The Bedtime Story-Man” was far more than a children’s author. He was a popular figure on radio from 1912 to 1960, including a show about nature.

Painting of Thornton Waldo Burgess

Painting of Thornton Waldo Burgess

Indeed, Burgess was at heart a conservationist. He collaborated on a series of books that proved instrumental in the growth of a fledging organization created in 1910 – The Boy Scouts of America. Too, he helped found bird sanctuaries and in 1918 successfully lobbied Congress to pass the Migratory Bird Act.

His legacy lives on in the non-profit educational Thornton W. Burgess Society with the mission: “To inspire reverence for wildlife and concern for the natural environment.” He wrote his bedtime stories with the same goal.

Housed in a two-centuries-old home that overlooks The Smiling Pool – looking down at it from a hill the curved pond resembles a smile – and Old Briar Patch of Thornton’s youth, the museum also features Green Briar Nature Center; Briar Patch Conservation Area; and Green Briar Jam Kitchen, America’s oldest commercial jam kitchen dating back to 1903 and still looks original, where school children see fruit preserves made without preservatives.

There is also, of course, a writing wing. To see hundreds of rare-edition Thornton Waldo Burgess books, some familiar to my eyes, was a time machine back to both my childhood and my early parenthood.

Outside, admiring the Smiling Pool, my trip’s author theme intensified as a quote from the other wordsmith Waldo – Ralph Waldo Emerson – came to mind: “Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air.”

I smiled, imaging Buster Bear and Reddy Fox doing exactly that below.

In the closing paragraph of each bedtime book, Burgess tells the reader what adventure he will write about next. This especially made sense because his books originated as serialized newspaper stories.

And so, because the advertised four columns proved insufficient for my Eastern Seaboard adventure, we will pick up from here with a bonus chapter next week.

* * *

Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Wooden-&-Me-cover-mock-upCheck out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”

A Visit to Walden Pond

 Woody’s new book STRAWBERRIES IN WINTERTIME: STRAW_CoverEssays on Life, Love, and Laughter is available for Pre-Order HERE NOW!

*  *  *

‘I went to the woods’ at Walden Pond

This is the third in a four-column series on my recent travels to the Eastern Seaboard to visit my son – and visit much more.

*  *  *

We begin today where I left off last week: “Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads.”

This quote by Henry David Thoreau aptly describes “Authors Ridge,” where he, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Louisa May Alcott and Ralph Waldo Emerson rest in shaded peace beneath picturesque woods in Sleepy Hollow Cemetery in Concord, Massachusetts.

1WoodyThoreauCabinToo, his sentiment beautifully depicts a scene less than two miles away, south on Walden Street through town, passing Emerson Playground and Thoreau Street, and then a bit further.

Two miles by car – and seemingly 200 years by calendar.

Indeed, this summer past marked the 170th anniversary of Thoreau’s celebrated experiment in self-examination and independence that began in July of 1845.

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life,” Thoreau wrote in his transcendent treatise, “Walden, or Life in the Woods,” which was not published until 1854, eight years before his death at age 44. “And to see if I could not learn what it had to teach and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.”

Visiting where Thoreau lived for two years, two months and two days in a one-room cabin he self-reliantly built – at a frugal cost of $28.12 – is to see those pages brought to life.

This author’s ridge, among pitch pines and hickories, is more gorgeous than I had imagined. Conjure up the most scenic pond you have ever seen, multiply that loveliness threefold, and still you will come up short of the view of Walden Pond below.

1WaldenPondUnlike Plymouth Rock and the Old North Bridge, both being much smaller than anticipated, Walden Pond in person is grander. It seems more a lake.

The cabin, which measured 10 feet by 15 feet with two windows – and held a bed, small table, desk and two chairs – is long gone. It was dismantled for scrap lumber – just as the Mayflower, I learned earlier in this trip, was used to build homes after its return voyage from Plymouth to England.

The cabin site – specifically, the second-hand chimney bricks – was discovered in 1945, the centennial of the start of Thoreau’s retreat. Today, nine square granite posts, each about four feet tall and connected by a chain, mark the outline of the cabin.

A few paces to the side is a rock pile, perhaps 20 feet square. It began modestly in 1872 when Bronson Alcott, a lifelong friend of Thoreau, visited Walden Pond and placed a few stones to mark the cabin’s location. Ever since, admirers and disciples from the world over have extended the tradition.

Walt Whitman came in 1881, writing afterwards:I too carried one and deposited on the heap.” John Muir did likewise, twice, in 1883 and 1893.

I now belong in the company of Whitman and Muir.

Some making the pilgrimage embellish their tributes with Thoreau quotes: “The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it,” was printed in black marker on a triangular stone I saw.

In chalk, a round stone read: “breathe deeply + live wildly”.

A book cover-sized flat stone was filled fully: “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.”

Reflecting on Thoreau’s song, I considered how these nuggets would fit nicely in 140-character Tweets – and yet how appalled he would surely be by Twitter, by texting, by our un-simplified modern world where the masses seem too distracted by consumerism to live wildly.

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you’ve imagined – H. D. Thoreau,” read another stone in the pile.

One more: “Our life is frittered away by detail. Simplify, simplify.”1LaundryRock

But here was my favorite rock lyric: “Thoreau’s mom did his laundry.”

It is true. Thoreau regularly broke his contemplative solitude with a half-hour walk to his parents’ home to enjoy his mother’s apple pies and – time out from self-reliance – he would bring his dirty clothes.

* * *

Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Wooden-&-Me-cover-mock-upCheck out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”

Pilgrimage to ‘Authors Ridge’

 Woody’s new book STRAWBERRIES IN WINTERTIME: STRAW_CoverEssays on Life, Love, and Laughter is available for Pre-Order HERE NOW!

*   *   *

Pilgrimage to Bridge and ‘Authors Ridge’

This is the second in a four-column series on my recent travels to the Eastern Seaboard to visit my son – and visit much more.

* * *

1NoethBridge

The Old North Bridge, in Concord, Mass.

Sixty miles north of Plymouth Rock, I made a pilgrimage to another “ground zero” in American history: the Old North Bridge in Concord, Mass., where the Revolutionary War erupted on April 19, 1775.

The replica bridge, like Plymouth Rock, proved much smaller in person than anticipated. Also, similarly, it made my imagination whirl as I surveyed the landscape, my sight rising from the Concord River to the high ground where the Minute Men held the advantage.

Surprisingly, a different ridge proved to be a higher highlight for me.

On our rental-car drive to the Old North Bridge, my wife and I made a short detour to Sleepy Hollow Cemetery. Specifically, to the upper area near the back called “Authors Ridge.”

1AuthorsRidgeIt is a fitting name because on this picturesque-as-a-thousand-words tree-shaded ridge, all within an acorn’s toss of each other, are the graves of four significant 19th Century American authors: Nathaniel Hawthorne, Louisa May Alcott, Ralph Waldo Emerson and Henry David Thoreau. Call it Ridge Rushmore.

First up is the Thoreau family plot which has a shared monument stone the size of a chest of drawers bearing the names, birth dates and dates of death of parents John and Cynthia D., as well as their offspring John Jr., Helen L., Henry D. (Born July 12, 1817, Died May 6, 1862) and Sophia E.

Surrounding the monument are six small headstones, each barely bigger than a hardcover book, reading: Mother, Father, Sophia, John, Helen and …

… Henry.

How perfect this is, for as he famously advised during his life: “Simplify, simplify.” No dates. No full name. Simply “HENRY” in all caps.

Modest be it, Henry’s marker readily stands out for it is decorated like a Christmas tree, albeit instead of with ornaments and lights it is adorned with a classroom’s worth of pens and pencils of various colors leaning against it, some with messages and names – “Thank You” and “Bless You” and “Anna” and “Steven” on this day – written on them by worshipers who made the pilgrimage to pay homage.

This shows you how very small, and simple, HENRY's marker is.

This shows you how very small, and simple, Thoreau’s HENRY marker is.

Originally, I left behind a pen but quickly thought the better of it and instead balanced a yellow No. 2 pencil – after writing “Simplify” and “Woody” on it – for in addition to being a writer, poet, philosopher, naturalist and surveyor, Thoreau was a renowned pencil maker.

The headstone for the author of “The Scarlet Letter” is slightly larger than Henry’s marker, and rests upon a pedestal, yet it too is simple, reading only: Hawthorne. It also has a few pens left at its base, as well as coins and stones balanced upon its arched top.

A flat rectangular stone, whitened by the elements and flush to the ground, marks the grave of Louisa M. Alcott, author of “Little Women.” A Union nurse during the Civil War, Alcott’s grave also has a small American flag, the sort a child might wave curbside at a Fourth of July parade, with a “U.S. Veteran” medallion on its staff. Expectedly, the site is graced with a collection of pencils and pens.

Ralph Waldo Emerson’s gravestone, meanwhile, is a refrigerator-sized hunk of beautiful raw granite. Attached is a copper plaque, long ago having turned a handsome green patina, decorated with four flowers on top and below reading: Ralph Waldo Emerson / Born in Boston May 25 1803 / Died in Concord April 27 1882.

Lastly, the plaque quotes this line from his poem “The Problem” –

“The passive Master lent his hand / To the vast soul that o’er him planned.”

The problem of where to place pens and pencils to honor the word master Emerson has been solved by admirers who have wedged pennies and dimes between the plaque and granite, some of the coins at 90-degree angles to form mini-shelves. So it was I balanced the pen originally intended for Thoreau’s marker.

Leaving “Authors Ridge”, breathtaking in both its beauty and literary hallowedness, this line from Thoreau came fittingly to mind: “Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads.”

* * *

Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

Wooden-&-Me-cover-mock-upCheck out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”