Monthly Archives: May 2014

Column: Isla Vista, Anytown USA

by Woody

Idyllic Isla Vista could be Anytown USA

 

Had someone asked me a week ago which university I thought would be least likely to suffer a mass shooting, I believe I would have answered, “UC Santa Barbara.”

 

I mean, how could such terror happen at my alma mater? How could laid-back Isla Vista, where I lived for two idyllic years, be the latest grieving site?

 

Which is exactly the point, I think. The next such rampage – and sadly there will be a next one and a next – can happen Anywhere USA.

The Faces We Should Remember: Top row from left to right: Weihan Wang, George Chen, Cheng Yuan Hong. Bottom row from left to right: Christopher Michaels-Martinez, Katie Cooper, Veronika Weiss.

The Faces To Remember:
Top row from left to right: Weihan Wang, George Chen, Cheng Yuan Hong. Bottom row from left to right: Christopher Michaels-Martinez, Katie Cooper, Veronika Weiss.

 

Virginia Tech students and alumni didn’t think it could happen there. Columbine High. Sandy Hook Elementary. Themovie theater in Colorado. The supermarket parking lot in Tucson. Fill-in-the-blank where mass shootings have happened in America. Throw a dart at a map where the next one might.

 

Three decades removed from my days at UCSB, but with sons and daughters of friends attending there now, the shooting (and three fatal stabbings) has resonated with me more deeply than others. Such is the power of familiarity, I suppose. Places in Isla Vista where I laughed with friends and courted my wife now come in to my focus as among the 10 crime scenes.

 

I cannot imagine the lasting heartache and mental scars for those who were there that tragic night.

 

Nor can I imagine the courage shown by one male UCSB student I saw interviewed on TV the day after. I want to call him a boy, but in truth he is a young man who had just witnessed war at the front line.

 

He saw three young women get shot, raced to their fallen bodies, and instantly knew two were dead. He turned his attention to the third woman, bleeding as she phoned her mom to say “I love you” in fear they might be her last words, and stayed by her side until paramedics arrived. She survived.

 

The young hero’s calm but graphic retelling turned the unfathomable horror into knowable faces – those of the two young women lost, the one who survived, and his own face filled with grief.

 

Faces. Veronika Weiss, a 19-year-old from Westlake High School in Thousand Oaks, was one of the two women murdered. Hers was a face of girl-next-door prettiness; a face of straight-A’s and athletic accomplishment; a face of kindness according to all who knew her.

 

            Faces. Christopher Martinez, the gray-bearded father of 19-year-old victim Christopher, who at the war scene afterward delivered a Gettysburg Address for its brevity and impassioned emotion:

 

“I talked to him about 45 minutes before he died. Our family has a message for every parent out there: You don’t think it’ll happen to your child until it does. Chris was a really great kid. Ask anyone who knew him. His death has left our family lost and broken.

 

“Why did Chris die? Chris died because of craven, irresponsible politicians and the NRA. They talk about gun rights. What about Chris’ right to live? When will this insanity stop?

 

“When will enough people say, ‘Stop this madness!’ We do not have to live like this. Too many people have died. We should say to ourselves, ‘not one more!’ ”

 

Faces. An overlooked tragedy is that “the madman” – as one witness called the shooter – has become The Face of this rampage. I will not mention his name for it is best forgotten. It is the victims who should be remembered – Weiss, Martinez, Katie Cooper, George Chen, James Cheng, David Wang.

 

It angers me that the videos “the madman” posted online before his killing spree are played over and over and over on TV. This is exactly what he wanted, to become famous – or infamous. Hence in death he achieves his life’s twisted goal.

 

            There is great debate on the influence of violence and misogyny in video games, advertising and movies, and rightly so. But what about the influence on mentally ill minds that watch a lunatic’s evil rants elevate him to worldwide TV celebrity, so to speak?

 

            It is impossibly lofty, but I wish henceforth the media would give only 1 percent of its focus on the perpetrators and 99 percent to the faces worth remembering.

 

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

 

Check out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”

 

 

Column: Grads and Artisans

by Woody

New Grads Can Learn From Artisans

 

Graduation season is upon us and, since once again I was not asked to deliver a commencement address in person, I am offering one here in print.

 

Among those who will fling their mortarboards skyward in celebration this year is my youngest nephew from Camarillo High School. And so I will address my remarks to him personally with hope others may find wisdom and inspiration as well.1-quoteKnow

 

Congratulations, Rhett. Before continuing on your educational expedition and life journey, I want to tell you about the banana knife your cousin brought home from Sri Lanka last year as a gift for me.

 

            The curved eight-inch blade is not burnished smooth except for its sharp edge, yet it is still beautiful for its utility – it can cut a banana bunch from a tree, chop down bamboo stalks, slice open a letter with equal ease. In today’s world, having a wide range of skills will serve you well.

 

            Conversely, its lacquered native hardwood handle is art to behold – and hold. Adding to the sublimity is that your cousin watched the master blacksmith fashion this handiwork in an hour’s time.

 

He also saw craftswomen weave strands of colorfully dyed palm leaves into wondrous purses of varying patterns. Meanwhile, from earthen clay other artists created pots and bowls that are equally useful and attractive.

 

            These Sri Lankan artisans, it seems to me, serve as an instructive metaphor. Each day we all receive 24 hours like a new chunk of raw clay or a pile of palm fronds or a piece of metal. Our challenge and duty is to use our vision, talents and perseverance to create something meaningful.

 

           

Greg Woodburn gave new socks and running shoes as gifts to Sikoro villagers, including the Elder Chief here.

Greg Woodburn gave new socks and running shoes as gifts to Sikoro villagers, including the Elder Chief here.

Too, Rhett, I wish to share a story from a trip your cousin took a few years earlier to the tiny village of Sikoro in Mali, Africa. Because his luggage was lost, and because he had neglected to pack anything in his carry-on bag for just such a mishap, he spent two weeks with only the clothes on his back.

 

Yet instead of calamitous, the lost luggage actually proved to be serendipitous because he got a life lesson in experiencing how his impoverished hosts make do with very few possessions.

 

The people of Sikoro live in mud-brick huts, sleep on woven mats atop hard dirt floors and pump water from wells. They lack enough fruits and vegetables. Most do not have shoes.

 

Despite what to us seems a hardscrabble existence, they are extremely happy. They smile constantly, laugh easily, dance freely. Worries about car payments and job promotions do not weigh on their minds. They may not have much materially by our standards, but by theirs they have enough.

 

Rhett, you would do well to pack some of these values of the Sikoro villagers in your luggage, so to speak, as you travel life’s roads.

 

Speaking of packing, Rhett, I wish to close with a scene from the book “Repacking Our Bags” by Richard Leider. He was on a backpacking trek in Africa and the group’s Maasai guide, Koyie, traveled with only a spear and a stick for cattle-tending. Leider, on the other hand, was outfitted with a backpack stuffed with “necessities.”

 

After they made camp the first evening, Leider laid out all his fancy gear. He writes: “I unsnap snaps, unzip zippers, and un-Velcro Velcro. From pockets, pouches, and compartments, I produce all sorts of strange and wonderful items. Eating utensils, cutting devices, digging tools. Direction finders, star gazers, map readers. Things to write with, on, and for. Various garments in various sizes for various functions. Medical supplies, remedies, and cures. Little bottles inside little bottles inside little bottles. Waterproof bags for everything. Amazing stuff!

 

“I look over at Koyie to gauge his reaction,” Leider continues. “He seems amused but he is silent. Finally, after several minutes of just gazing at everything, Koyie turns to me and asks very simply, but with great intensity: ‘Does all this make you happy?’ ”

 

Pursue happiness, Rhett, but pursue it wisely. As Patagonia founder Yvon Chouinard has sagely said: “The more you know, the less you need.”

 

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

 

Check out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”

 

 

Column: Philanthropist On The Run

by Woody

Young Philanthropist on the Run

 

As a small boy, Benjamin DeWitt remembers waiting in food lines.

 

“I came from a very poor family,” Ben, now 28, recalls. “My parents worked very, very hard, but we still didn’t have much.”

 

When you are a child without, there are two ways to go when you grow up: follow the same hardscrabble pathway or pursue a yellow brick road.

Ben DeWitt, a true role model

Ben DeWitt, a true role model

 

Ben opted for a third road less traveled by. An avenue of philanthropy.

 

“I want to give other kids an opportunity for a better life than I had,” Ben avows. It is not lip service. He doesn’t just walk the talk, he runs it.

 

A standout distance runner at Buena High School (Class of 2004), Ventura College (2005-06) and Western State Colorado University (Class of 2008), Ben started his own business – Fast Green Running – four years ago to stage local races, including the“Mountains 2 Beach Marathon” from Ojai to Ventura.

 

The officially sanctioned course is remarkable for its scenic beauty and more remarkable for its gradual 700-foot decent to a sea-level finish near the Ventura Pier that has earned it the No. 2 ranking for runners trying to qualify for the Boston Marathon. As a result, runners from 44 states and seven countries are entered in this year’s fourth annual edition on May 25.

 

But the most remarkable thing about the “Mountains 2 Beach Marathon” (and accompanying 5K and half-marathon) is this: Ben donated $10,000 to local schools the first year; $15,000 the second year; and $38,000 last year, including $20,000 to Ventura Education Partnership.

 

“Ben is a source of pride for VUSD,” praises Trudy Arriaga, Superintendent for the Ventura Unified School District. “He is a product of VUSD and has the qualities that we dream to help produce as educators. Ben models service, generosity and wellness. Ben’s extraordinary example of giving back by paying it forward is an inspiration wrapped up in quite a gift!”

 

Ben’s gifts also benefit youth cross country and track programs throughout Ventura County as well as, fittingly, Ventura Food Share. His goal this year is to donate at least $45,000 total.

 

Understand, Ben is under no obligation to give from Fast Green Running’s bottom line. He could rightly pay himself a bigger salary instead of “paying it forward” from his own pocket.

 

“I’m more philanthropic with my life,” Ben explains. “I want to benefit the local community more than benefitting my personal piggybank.

 

“I live very modestly,” he expands, a ready smile flashing through his short-cropped ginger beard like sunshine through parting clouds. “I don’t need much to live. I’m not interested in vast amounts of wealth. I want to leave a legacy. On my deathbed, I want to look back on my life and feel that I did something worthwhile.”

 

Ben points out that some of his rewards cannot be monetized anyway, such as having runners tearfully thank him after realizing their dreams of clocking a Boston Marathon Qualifying time.

 

“I’d love for our community to come out on race day and be a part of the experience, kind of like they do in Boston,” encourages Ben, who was married on April 26 but has delayed his honeymoon until after the race. “Come cheer for the runners and perhaps you and your kids will be motivated to start running and getting more active too.”

 

Asked where his philanthropic calling originated, Ben shares a story when he was 16 and helping deliver toys and food in Santa Paula on Christmas Eve.

 

“We started at 4 a.m. and it was a cold, cold day,” he says. “I was in the bed of a truck and we’d stop at the houses and hand out boxes to parents. At one house on a dirt lot I remember thinking, ‘If I ever can someday, I want to help people.’ ”

 

He has made someday arrive early.

 

“The purpose of life is not to be happy,” Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote. “It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”

 

Sounds exactly like “Benefactor Ben.”

 

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

 

Check out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”

 

 

Column: Thanks for Moms

by Woody

Hallmark-Worthy Thoughts for Moms

 

“God could not be everywhere,” Rudyard Kipling observed, “and therefore He made mothers.” In a similar Hallmark card sentiment, Abraham Lincoln noted: “All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.”

 

1heartMomIn anticipation of Mother’s Day I asked some friends from everywhere to share the greatest gift from their own angels. Here are a few…

 

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“The best thing my mother ever gave me was a passion for fun,” says Patty Hengel. “Housework can wait, the world was meant to be seen and life lived, not spent in the house looking out.”

 

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“The best gift my mom ever gave me was the life-lesson to work hard for everything that you strive to do,” says Luis Monge.

 

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“My mom passed away at 46 from a rare type of cancer,” shares Mark Jasper. “But there was one time I remember about being honest that sticks out in my head. She went into a store to buy something and came out to the car and realized the cashier had given her too much money back so she went in and returned it. We didn’t have much money growing up so I knew my mom needed the money, but being honest was more important to her.”

 

Mark added this timely bookend: “A week ago I went to the store with my 12-year-old daughter. I gave her some money to run in and get me something and when she came out to the car I realized the cashier had given her back 10 dollars too much.

 

“So I took my daughter with me into the store to find the cashier that overpaid her and gave the money back. I hope she remembers this incident and can teach this to her kids someday as I remember my mom teaching me 25 years ago.”

 

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“An opportunity to live,” says John Collet. “I was adopted. My mother offered a selfless eternal love.”

 

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“My mom gave me the heart of a teacher,” says Marcella Williams. “She started her own college career when I was three. I was there for every graduation, the first from Moorpark College and the last from the University of San Diego when she earned her doctorate. I learned from her to dream big and try hard in front of everyone.”

 

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“Mom taught me independence,” says Linda Fox. “It was a gift by example. She was a single mom and raised me by herself.”

 

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“My mom and I share the same birthday and growing up we clashed all the time,” shares Elizabeth Marie. “It wasn’t until after I got married and had my own kids that I realized what a strong woman she was.”

 

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“From watching my mom, and the physical pain she deals with every moment from a deteriorated spine, I think I’d have to say the best lesson and gift I’ve learned from her is to never stop, never give up,” says Lauren Estilow. “Life may not always be easy, but enjoy whatever you have and whomever you’re with!”

 

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“The best gift Mom gave me was a strong work ethic regarding my education,” says Ethan Lubin. “College was a given and I am now an elementary school teacher.”

 

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            “My sister,” answered Kathy McAlpine. “Pat is the most amazing woman I know. She is giving and selfless beyond belief!”

 

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“Mom gave me many gifts, including a love of family, which supersedes all,” shares Scott Harris, whose mother passed away two weeks ago. “However, that is probably a common trait of all great mothers.

 

“So I’ll offer another gift – a love of reading. Even when we had no money, Mom would buy me books. That gift is still giving 50-plus years later and I’ve yet to read a book without thinking of my mom.”

 

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            As for me, I echo all of the above but maybe I’ll go with this gift from my late great mom: Don’t save the good china only for special occasions – every day is special.

 

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

 

Check out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”

 

 

Column: A Friend’s Advice

by Woody

Friendly Advice Yields Golden Memory

 

“When the student is ready,” a Buddhist proverb states, “the teacher will appear.”

            Or, as I happily experienced the other day, sometimes the wise friend appears.

            In this case, he showed up at happy hour. While the chips, salsa, guacamole and micro-brew were enjoyable, most appetizing of all – as usual with Scott – was the conversation. Scott belongs on a mountain peak, sitting cross-legged.

My wise friend and Renaissance man, Scott.

My wise friend and Renaissance man, Scott.

My friend is Renaissance man. He runs his own highly successful business yet favors flip-flops to wingtips. His interests include literature (he reads more than 100 books a year) and music (plays a killer harmonica) and travel (he is well on the way towards his goal of visiting every national park).

            But what I most admire about Scott is he is a role model of a family man. Happily married for three decades he has helped raise two amazing children. Importantly, Scott remains as close to his adult son and daughter now as when they were learning to ride two-wheelers.

            Our conversation turning to fatherhood, I asked Scott to share his magic formula. His parenting mission statement: “I made my kids my priority and always made time for them.”

            My remarkable friend then remarkably noted, matter-of-factly without a trace of conceit, that he only missed one of his daughter’s equestrian events when she was a national-class youth competitor and of more than 1,000 baseball games his son played in was absent from a mere two. That’s a hall-of-fame batting average.

            I felt a kinship for although my son did not run in 1,000 meets, from youth track and cross-country through four years of college competition I similarly missed only two races.

And my track record for my daughter’s sports and drama events was spotless – but only for another 24 hours, I confided to Scott.

I shared how my daughter played Dorothy in an elementary school play and despite attending the dress rehearsal I skipped covering two Lakers playoff games during the Magic Johnson Showtime Era to be at Opening and Closing Nights for “The Lizard of Ahhs.” In all, I saw all four performances and continued this streak through every production of two high school plays she wrote and a handful more in college and beyond.

Now my daughter was giving a reading of one of her published short stories at San Jose State’s Center for Steinbeck Studies and my proud run was about to end.

I had attended her first reading as a Steinbeck Fellow six months earlier but this time my wife would be on hand (and also visiting her mother for a milestone birthday) while I stayed home dog-sitting as our boxer does not fare well in the kennel.

I rationalized to Scott that I was just thankful to have not missed any big events when my daughter was young because it mattered more then.

“It matters even when they are grown,” Scott replied, wisely. After a brief pause he added in command: “You have to go.”

Robert Louis Stevenson was wrong when he wrote, “To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive.” Arriving the next evening was a far better thing than hopefully anticipating my daughter’s surprised delight during my 330-mile drive.

As expected, she teared up at seeing me – and I did likewise during her reading of an emotional story. Indeed, the 11 hours of travel sandwiched around a much-too-brief three-hour visit was well worth it. As Mark Twain observed, “To get the full value of joy you must have somebody to share it with.”

I had to share it with her in person.

I encourage you to similarly heed Scott’s sagacity with your own children, be they young or old. But, as my friend believes, does it truly matter as much when they are grown?

Here’s my answer: “Daddy, I’ll remember this for the rest of my life,” my daughter whispered in my ear during our goodbye hug.

But even that sweetness wasn’t the evening’s pinnacle for me. Trumping that is when my daughter saw me walk into the room she says she wasn’t really surprised.

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Woody Woodburn writes a weekly column for The Ventura County Star and can be contacted at WoodyWriter@gmail.com.

 

Check out my new memoir WOODEN & ME: Life Lessons from My Two-Decade Friendship with the Legendary Coach and Humanitarian to Help “Make Each Day Your Masterpiece”